So today I cleaned out my shoe closet which also doubles as my clothes I can’t fit but “will fit again someday” closet. It was very depressing.
First the shoes… I realized that I really don’t own too many shoes (besides sneakers and a few Mary Jane’s) that have heels shorter than 3 ˝ “. I loved wearing my heels. I miss wearing my heels. In the last 4-5 years (that’s when the weight really picked up). I haven’t been able to wear my heels too often, only if I went out. I use to wear my heels everyday to work; being a programmer I don’t have to dress up for work, but a pair of jeans and some heels was my daily, “work” outfit. Jeans paired with a tee shirt or a button down and some heels and I was on my way out the door. I miss that person; Regina (BFF) tells me all the time that she misses that “Tonya”. I can’t wait till she’s back.
Next the clothes that I can’t fit but “plan to get back in”, portion of the closet… The GOOD...the only thing good about the clothes that I can’t fit being in my closet is that they are in the SMALLER closet.
The BAD…all of the clothes in the closet are bottoms, no tops. I guess this could be looked at as a good thing cause it means that most of my tops still fit (which is true for the most part), but this is why it’s bad. Bottoms cost more than tops so I spent hella of money on replacing my jeans.
The UGLY… There are more jeans in my I can’t fit closet than I currently own, and this is because in the last 2 weeks I literally lost 5 pairs of jeans due to my rubbing thighs. Friday made number 5, I bent over at work to tie my sneakers and let’s just say “wardrobe malfunction”. I blogged about not wanting to buy new jeans before I have WLS , well that’s not an option now. I only have 3 pair of good jeans left. I guess I’ll have to plan to go shopping this week.
I had my 4th NUT visit on Tuesday. YAY I’m getting closer. Doh… I forgot what my weight was, anywhoo it couldn’t be that significant amount of weigh lost or I would have remembered it. Ha, it might have been a weight gain. If so I’m mentally blocking it out; aint life grand how the brain protects you from remembering bad things.
No real changes for me to make this session, just keeping on doing what I’m doing to prepare myself for WLS and its aftermath.
A coworker, (I never worked a program with him, but we are in the same group and I’ve taken a class with him) was in the meeting today. We spoke for sometime after the session (I was in no real rush to go to work). I told him about OH so I hope he becomes a member.
Someone from my not so far past, contacted me yesterday. We had what I would define as a good friendship with some minor misunderstandings on both sides (nothing serious, just not knowing each other too well, type issues).
One day it seemed like we were on the same page and working towards something more substantial and then the next day nothing (and I do mean the next day). No return phone calls, no return text, nothing! He just fell off the face of MY earth. No contact from him in the past 7 months, then out of the blue he contacts me. When I saw that he called and texted me, I was happy to hear from him and hesitant to return his messages, but I did and we talked and he explained that he was going through a really bad point in his life. He had lost his job and felt like a “bum” because he didn’t have a job, so he shut down (his words). He explained that if he is “going through difficult times” he shuts down and shuts out. I understand that people react to stress differently, but how can someone just walk away? We talked and he says he wants to be with me, he expressed this before but yet he still walked away from me. I REALLY like this man and it’s been a long time since I felt this way and I want to be with him and want him in my life (for a VERY long time). He's a good person and I know that I should proceed with caution but I don’t want him to think that I’m being coy , playing hard to get(he really already has me) or just playing games in general. But I can’t help that I feel need to be guarded. I’m I reading more into this than what is really there? I’m I just being silly and I should go for it and see what happens this time around? I’m happy, I’m confused and I’m leery.