Well, I guess that I got too excited about almost losing 100 lbs as on Friday, my usual weigh in day I was up another pound..making it 278 lbs.. I was down to 275 upon my return from Utica...I would have to check my daily food adjenda where I enter everything including my weight...but still I was 281 clothed and afternoon weight,at Dr Grabers on the 6th May and I believe 277 on my scale on the 8th morning weight disrobed.
I guess 277 is not that bad.
However this week, I am noticing that I am taking more liberties with my eating. This is worrying me.
I have been experimenting with my little pouch and it can hold ..or at least see pass through much more than I thought. Dr Graber's dietician advised that I should be eating 1/2 cup in totality of all food at each meal.
While I cannot eat 1/2 cup of solid food,as in steak or chicken, I certainly can eat much more than a cup of salads and soft foods. If I eat a chilli out, then it is much more than 1 cup. Certainly when I order salads I can eat the entire salad much more than 1 cup for certain.
I am beginning to want to reward myself with food, as in the previous life before pouch surgery.
I tried an on the rocks margareta, on Friday, at the Red Lobster, which for the 3rd time now, did not present a great fish meal...too many sauces and fats... if I try again there, I will request, no sauces ...just lemon juice please. Of course I couldnt drink the total margareta with my meal ..I just lingered a long time and finished it.
However their very yummy biscuits, to my surprise are easy to dijest and I ate two of them, leftovers, at home, well 3, one with my night meal and 2 with my 1 egg the next morning. I guess I will just have to not take them home ...if there is a next time.
Rewarding ourselves with food, is not just for the obese or morbidly obese, our entire civilization uses food
as a reward, a celebration and on every occassion to celebrate and/or to even mourn different occassions.
It is just that we are looked upon as sinful, degenerative and goodness how can she eat that when she is that size..forgetting that "Those Persons" do exactly the same thing.
Some of us have a slower metabalizum, some cannot /or will not exercise, so the energy out is not equaling
the energy coming in, hence weight gain. Also, genetically, some of us are simply designed differently.
This causes weight gain easier than others.
Someone recently told me that their surgeon remarked that morbidly obese persons lose quicker at the beginning because they have suddenly given up fast food eating, milkshakes, fries etc and huge amounts of fats. Well I was not a fast food fan. Rather I always enjoyed salads and healthier foods..I would love to go weekly, before I was in the Wheelchair, to a favourite restaurant that made authentic Lebanese food.
How yummy. It consisted of a lot of homemade items full of veggies and a lot of it, not with a lot of fat.
They had a great buffet there 3 days of each week. Of course I cannot get into the restaurant with my wheelchair so even before surgery..I couldnt enjoy anymore.
Then there was a favourite Greek place that I used to frequent. Very healthy food again..but huge on the servings..one has, to take home most of it...as in rice and potatoes.
I hardly ever ate desserts. I did however order pizza more often then I should have, being stuck, in the house here, wheelchair bound ..and / or tired or with a lot of pain..and not up to cooking for myself.
I did order out a lot..but although difficult, I would try to order more low to non fat foods..as in a julliene salad with light dressing or the sante fe chicken salad...swiss chalet.. which is a grilled skinless boneless chicken breast slcied and laid across a mixed green salad with a hint of tomatoes, shredded carrots and cucumbers. with 4 triangular cut pieces of flat bread...very small circle and balsamic dressing..this dressing is good and likely has too much caloric value...but a light one can be substituted. I still order this one and can eat almost the entire dinner with no problems.
During the first 3 months for certain I was eating out of my 1 cup measuring cup, someone from obesity help mentionned that they eat out of a measuring cup which reminded me of the same... I was very careful and watched diligently each morsel that went into my mouth , even afraid to stray off of the official program.
for fear of doing some damage to my new operation or causing a problem.
Of course since then I have heard many stories..and some persons didnt follow the rules at all and seemed to be doing fine... I have to admit... it was a good excuse to experiment sooner. Shame on me!
In the beginning ... it was it was easy, also, to feel the discomfort of the little pouch, and not wanting to cause a problem for myself or to get the foamies and be ill.. I have gotten these about 3 times, I would immediately adhere to "stop eating".
I have heard a lot about the DS ''ers being able to eat more, all of the time and still losing weight.
I was completely unaware of the DS operation before my surgery. The doctor, in question, at the Civic did
not speak of any other kind of operations being available. I would guess that although I have a high bmi, an open surgery would not have been the best idea for me with all of my co morbidities.
But again, I recently heard that some doctors can perform this "Laposcopically."
Now I hear of different lengths of by pass etc can cause different results, unknown, to the surgeon, before surgery.
What it boils down to, is that I am beginning to get very worried that this operation may not work.
I still have about 150 lbs to lose without exercising and with the knowledge that I can put much more food into this little pouch then I had imagined.. Not only that, there are many forbidden foods that can go in there!
So it is very much as before, that I am the one that has to eliminate... the little pouch is not going to do it for me.
So one thinks to oneself..then why ..have the operation...
I have to get off of this track, in my mind. It is not a positive way of thinking.
There certainly have been many positive stories of many persons on this web site..so it must be possible.
There is the idea that the pouch operation is only a "tool" .
I had thought that since it would be a very small size, the full feeling would come naturally and quicker and
hence one would not eat very much because one simply could not. Therefore weight loss.
I have to be very truthful...that I cannot...even if I wanted to..eat the same amount as before the surgery,
even if I eat more than 1/2 cup in totality, at each meal.
I have to curb myself..of finishing leftovers later , after the meal is completed, and I am satisfied, in the new manner. I never get that full feeling, as in before the surgery. I do get hungry.
I have gotten used to what the full feeling is ..now..with the little pouch. It is not the same full feeling as one had previous to the surgery. However one can tune into it and abide by it.
I have began this week to do just that...eat...later what I didnt finish...I must stop that.
It had to do with gaining when I was expecting the 100 lb mark to be hit certainly by this past friday.
Tricky little body. Fooled me again.
I have never had much success with weigh loss. I have lost 100 dreds and 100dreds of pounds with many different type of diets. This is likely is what most of you will tell me...about the same.
My best loss was in 1980 when I shed 100 llbs...with my own volition, 225 to 125....
Anyway more about that later, I will stop for now..as my chair is beginning to pain my butt and I have to transfer, to my lazyboy... main menu... sitting and sleeping mode