05 JULY 2008

Yesterday was my birthday. 04July2008.
Independence Day..and Independent myself also.

I took myself out to "prime 360" and enjoyed part of a filet mignon with an order of crimmi mushrooms, a nice glass of shiraz wine...and guess what they brought me a delicious chocolate dessert made of some sort of mousse I would imagine, chilled until it is hard as real chocolate..with a candle and happy birthday written in chocolate across the plate..very pleasing and delicious...of course I couldn't eat all of it..and it sits there in my refrigerator, now. It was very expensive but I felt that I deserved it.

I missed an astronony meeting though, as they meet the first friday in the month..Ihad totally forgotten about it,when I booked the para transpo..or else I could have gone from birthday dinner to astronomy.

well I had pain anyway and felt tired..so best that I rested at home as I did.

This am... to my surprise I was down 1.6 lbs.. I really thought that I would not lose...as I was out on Canada Day... ending up eating a yougart that had 300 calories and biscotti that may have had as many for my supper. the best deal tht I could find in the hill crowd downtown
then I ate a second supper at home in the middle of the night.

combined with my birthday supper .

..well I am finally down to just under the 100lb mark..

Since May 2008,

I tried to update my blog several times and ran into computer glitzes.. time and time again..so well written things from the heart..never got to my blog ...this writing is quite boring.(today) My writings kept going out to lost in cyber space!

I had great difficulty all of   May..turning my disappointment with surgery around to keep myself on track.

again. I have been moderately successful...as I was 275 went up to 285 and down to 275 once more and this am 272.6

I have approximately 150 more to go.. I will try to aim to a half way mark somewhere around 122 or 23 lbs lost

I have to keep motivating myself.. I must make it.

I am having a lot of difficulty with chronic problem with my legs..and my hip and knees are killingme..with pain. and my tail bone..with lots of sores breaking out on my seat and back of my thighs.

the huge growth or whatever it is... is getting larger...it is attached to the inside of my right thigh..and causes much pain and discomfort..when I try to sit..and especially on my wheelchair.. it gets squashed and a huge

gash is now covered by the nurse..but on the back of it...likely from all the squashing onto the chair.

It is very discouraging... even if I could try to walk ... it gets in the way. It is larger than a basketball.

and is causing me much grief. I have seen one plastic surgeon so far...he does not want to remove it

he feels that it would leave a long hole..maybe 6 inches or so that would not heal.

I am still looking, anyway. There must be someone that will remove it. Actually I must be about 10 to 15 lbs

lighter without it.

In may I was singing ..is that all there is... a song from Patti Page' s repetoire...is this it...only almost 100 gone and no more... this is when I realized that I could eat whatever I wished and nothing too bad was going to happen..what a disappointment to find out that I as usual ...will have to do all the work of not eating certain things and watching all food...just the same as before the operation..what a let down. I really had thought

that the small pouch would do a lot of that for me....I had thought that... because of its size I would get the normal full feeling sooner and stop eating..of course rnyers know that normal full feeling as before surgery never comes back...just some sort of an uncomfortable feeling replaces it..it is not at all the same.

Soft foods can slide right through the pouch enabling you to eat a lot..unfortunately..if you should want to.

then over extended time one can eat a lot of anything..if one wants to..not that I am doing that...but the realiztion that i could was depressing...but as all things... in time..... this passes and one resigns oneself to the duty at hand and continues on... but the risk is very great now ...that I will not succeed. to 130 lbs.

The pouch is no longer any great help...just somewhat.

Malabsorbtion is almost nil I am told with this type of rny surgery..so all my calories are being absorbed into my system... what a bummer...I had thought that the "bypass" part meant that ...some of this food..

would by pass certain areas and pass right out of the system without absorbtion.

This along with the fact that I do not walk and cannot exercise not even get into a pool...for aquatics is very discouraging. However I am once more...pretty much on track and trying to follow the WLS program for

loss.

I am trying to keep busy... getting out as much as i can with the pain and all. I want to enjoy this summer as much as possible, as in winter..I am much more confined to the inside of the house..because of the weather

I have a long path to the roadway. Also ..I cannot just go ..with the wheelchair, in winter because of the cold and the terrible roads, at times.

I like to enjoy hearing the birds sing ..smelling all the lovely gardens and feeling the wind on my face.

and trying not to enjoy all the great food around.....well my best treat is a small decaffinated starbucks coffee sometimes with a biscotti.

this past 2 weeks I have been enjoying fresh cherries..and really thought that the sugar value in them would up my diabetes readings and cause weight gain..but so far... I still lost..some and my sugar remains good

.

August 12 is my appointment with dr graber...I am not this time looking forward to that long train ride becausee of all the pain that I am experiencing..well we will see how it goes..

take care all....

It is disappointing that I still cannot take part in life. but it has been this way for such a long time..

I had hoped that weight loss would improve the physical part allowing more...but then I am still very obese..

272 lbs on a 5'0 frame is plenty.... so perhaps there will be change more lbs hopefully lost down the road..

Isabella