I missed posting for June on July 9, 2009 9:12 am
Wow I can't believe I didn't post the whole month of June. Probably too busy over on facebook. It's like crack over there man! But all is well with me. This past Tuesday was my very last chemo treatment!!!! YAY!!!!!!! That was some hell to pay baby, trust and believe. But I made it, I made it with His amazing grace! He held me throughout and I'm still holding on!! For that I'm grateful. I haven't lost any more weight. It goes up and down with my chemo sessions so I'm not sweating it right now. My overall health is more important to me right now, then to be freakin' out about a few pounds on the scale. I had a very productive June. Got out and did a lot of stuff with family and friends. Just loving life and not taking a second for granted. Money is tighter than ever but I manage with the few pennies I have leftover after paying all of these doctor bills, man!!!
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July is gonna be good too! I love summer time! The warm weather is the absolute best to me. Last winter was sooooooo cold and snowy so I just am so glad when it's hot and sunny. Just makes me feel alive and kicking!!!
The journey continues...
Cinco de seis on May 6, 2009 8:27 pm
Well here it is May already, how'd that come so fast? I now have three chemo treatments under my belt with three more to go and I'm too excited that this is going to be over soon! Chemo sucks, having cancer sucks but life is soooooooo worth living. I just put on my armor and let God do the rest. He's got my back so I'm not sweating this little set back. This is not the end of my story you betta believe that cause I sure do. I am beating this heffa's azz!!!!! I'm claiming health and healing in His mighty name. I've got a supportive, fantastic team of doctors working with me and I'm doing all sorts of intergrative therapy that helps to keep my mind busy and lets me have fun along the way. So life is good, life is real good.
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The weather is warming up nicely and I have got to get back to basics with my eating and exercising cause I swear I have been a total SLACKER!!!! Oh and trust it is showing on my hips and thighs. Those suckas will never be smaller if I don't get back to the pool or walking or something man. I can't do the gym thing. Physically I can't handle all that stuff right now but I can do light stuff and I have to start journaling my food again.
I tell you if I have a craving for it, I get it. I don't even think and that's not good because you will gain weight and I have. I always wanted to get below 200lbs and I did right after my first chemo treatment in Feb. but it was sooooooooooo not a good look on me because I lost 27lbs in a week. Yeah not healthy at all. I looked like scary spice man!!!! I couldn't eat after that first treatment. I was really sick and food was the last thing on my mind, so I didn't eat. Humph chile please I got over that quick, fast and in a hurry. I made myself eat when I saw how awful I looked and eating made me feel better along with my prescribed anti-nausea drugs. So my total weight loss was -205lbs and I wasn't happy. I couldn't believe I had made it to onderland but losing weight just was not a priority for me at the time. Feeling good was. So I ate and I haven't stopped and my azz is getting big and once again I ain't happy.
Gotta find the balance people and for me it's getting my happy azz back to exercising so I can look cute again in my summer clothes. I am so not trying to go back up in sizes. It's time to get past these 18's. I've been in 18's for over a year. Yeah I managed to squeeze all this skin into one pair of 16 pants but um that was then and they don't fit anymore, NOT GOOD BUNNY!!!!
Trust me I know I have a problem and I'm working on it. It's so hard to not go back to the old way of dealing with stress. Especially when food makes you literally feel sooooo much better. Gotta get a grip on that thang!!!
So yes I gained all of that back (27lbs) and quickly, like in a month. No lie all of it and more. NOT GOOD!!!! Not good at all.
So I vow to:
start journaling my food again
to eat better and cut out all the boredom eating
to get offa my butt and get serious with my workouts
to drink more water and take all my vitamins * I do the vitamin part with no prob*
So in 30 days I'll look back at this and see if I kept my word to myself.
Word is bond.
The journey, though rocky as hell at times, still continues...
April 2nd on April 2, 2009 5:57 pm
Happy Birthday to me baby!!!! Yep today is Thursday April 2nd and it's my 43rd birthday!! I'm so grateful to God for allowing me another day to just breathe and be!!!
I'm loved and blessed beyond measure and I'm humbled knowing these things! With my health challenges I take no day for granted. No not one. Every single day is a gift and I treasure every single moment!!! I'm living my life like it's no tomorrow because in all honesty none of us know if we will live to see another day so ya betta be damn glad that yo azz is still here among the living LOL!!!! I know I am. I truly, truly am soooooo happy to be alive!!!
Yep I have cancer, yep I'm bald as a newborn baby, yep I have to go through nasty chemo treatments and get weekly blood tests done but I'm alive and it feels sooooooo good!!!
Hell I'm still cute baby and living my life like it's golden!!!
Happy 43rd Birthday to me!!!!
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Marching right along on March 23, 2009 4:23 pm
Well today is March 23rd and in a couple of weeks I will be at the House of the Famous Mouse better known as Mickey LOL!!! I'm so happy that I feel good enough to go on a trip. I was so very worried that I would be beaten down to my socks going through chemotherapy but God has shown up and shown out and I'm doing really good.
Now don't get me wrong, chemo whips me down a few notches every time I go. I hate it more than anything but if it's going to save my life then, I'm down!! So far I've had two cycles with 4 more to go... UGH!!!
I believe in His word and that it will not come back void to me. I have asked for total healing, and to live a long, long, long prosperous life.
My birthday is next week too so I've got a lot to celebrate and I'm giving Him all the Glory, Honor and Praise cause bayyyyybeeeeeee, I ain't nothing, do you hear me, NOTHING without GOD!!!!
He is holding me close and keeping me sane throughout all of this and for that I am thankful.
My journey continues....
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February 20th 2009... on February 20, 2009 11:17 pm
Today was my very first cycle of chemotherapy. I was pretty anxious about it and I'm so glad it's over. Now I know what to expect in terms of how chemo is administered and it really didn't hurt at all. I have a portacath implanted in my clavicle which allows the nurses to go straight to the port and not have to stick me a million times to set up an IV.
They said it takes a couple of days for the side effects to kick in, so I'm just going about my daily activities and keeping it moving. No need sitting around waiting to feel sick and ish.
The whole process today took about 7 hours, from registration until they unhooked me from the drips.
I had 4 meds before my chemo began. One was a steroid, two were anti nausea drugs and one of course was saline. They always give you saline. Then the TWO chemo drugs Paxol and Carbo, shortened versions. I've heard nothing nice about these damn steroids!!! I so don't want to gain weight and blow the hell up again but sadly I have no choice as I've been told the side effects are swelling of the face and body. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I watched tv, read a couple of magazines, ate my snacks, journaled, napped, watched more tv, ate more snacks, sweated cause chemo gives you a crazy, crazy hot flash and contemplated the day.
It truly was a long day and I'm so very glad it's over. My next scheduled cycle is set for March 13th and I am so changing the date because it's on Friday the 13th and I'm not trying to be going up in there on that day. Call me what you like but I don't fugg around with that mess.
My cousin Michael is going through some serious stuff right now. He was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of weeks ago. He had surgery and was doing well, then all of the sudden, BAM!!!!
He has to heal before they will give him chemo and maybe radiation. The sad thing about this is his mother (my aunt) just passed last year from cancer and his mother-in-law (my aunt) just passed a few months ago. Whoo boy it's been rough for my family and of course I don't understand but I know my God knows all.
I truly, truly think this is soooooooo unfair but I'm staying prayerful for him and for me. May God grant us both with the gift of total healing and long, healthy, prosperous lives in order to give Him all the Glory, Honor and Praise.
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