I'm a busy mom with a sweet husband and 3 precious children. I was very thin (size 6) until I became pregnant with our first child at age 30. I gained too much weight and never lost it afterwards. After years of infertility trying for a 2nd child, we started to look at adoption. At the same time, I lost 30 lbs on Jenny Craig, and got pregnant by surprise. I did a little better with my pregnancy weight gain, but still shot up 40+ lbs. Couldn't seem to shed those pounds afterwards, AGAIN. 3rd little angel was another pleasant surprise. I still looked pregnant from my 2nd baby, so it was nice to actually be pregnant for real. Again, very little weight loss after my baby was born. I was so happy to be a mom with 3 wonderful kids, and living my dream of running my own part-time consulting business from home, that my weight was a nuisance, but not a major source of unhappiness. I was a chubby mom, but a happy one. My husband gained sympathy pounds over the years with me, so it was just part of settling into our marriage and life with kids. I'm an optimistic person, so I focused on all the blessings and good things in our lives.
From a young age, we recognized that our oldest had some rather severe developmental disorders and needed special therapies and special schooling. So, I immersed myself into tackling those more important issues. I found myself staying up late at night researching (and eating) and avoiding my husband's heavy snoring that kept me awake. During the day, I became more tired (especially for exercise). I still had plenty of energy, but it was creative energy for tutoring and working on the computer and volunteering or shuttling kids to playgroups, sports, and lessons. Sometimes, I'd be the Martha Stewart cook, but more often I was scrambling eggs for dinner or telling my husband to pick up Luby's To Go.
I've always avoided fad diets since I watched my mother's weight and emotions rollercoaster on them up and down. I focused on eating healthy veggies and lean meats. I would occassionally get motivated to walk the neighborhood. I tried Adkins with some success several times over and over. But, I'd always "fall off the wagon" after losing 10 lbs. I gave up red meat, fried foods, bread that wasn't whole grain, etc. I tried just eating the SuperFoods (from that book) which are mostly things I enjoy. I felt better, but I never lost any weight. Instead, I seemed to be gaining at a slow and steady pace of 10 more pounds a year. I could give up sweets and I'd actually lose the cravings. But, when I didn't lose any weight, I figured why deny myself.
I'm the main cook in our household. And I do try to cook healthy, balanced, reasonably sized meals for everyone. My husband is not as good of an influence. Left to his own devices, he would cook greasy ribs, bacon, steak, canned corn, every night, and serve it with chips and guacomole for an appetizer, and ice cream for dessert. I know I'm guilty of over-estimating portion sizes, but I'm learning and trying to do right. My husband barely tries to lose weight, and can drop weight just by giving up 3rd helpings. When you are 6'3" you have more room to spread it around. I'm 5'2".
Now, I have a problem with nibbling as I make the PB&Js, mac & cheese, and cookies for the kids. I'm working hard to break that habit. I'm trying to teach them to help cook and to make smart choices with food, even though I'm not a shining example. I actually like the structure of a liquid diet, because I know the rules. On other diets, when I cook, I cheat. I might cheat by eating a whole bag of carrots or carton of blueberries which I rationalize as healthy for me. But, in the end I'm consuming way too many calories. Healthy foods just don't satisfy me the same as 2 big fat pieces of pizza. So, I eat more and more, rationalizing the whole time that it's "good for me".
With 100+ pounds overweight that I'm carrying around, my regular doctor has been encouraging me to look in WLS for awhile. She thought it was a good idea while I was still young enough, and healthy enough to tolerate the surgery. I was scared it would be too risky for me since I have young kids. But, over the last 3 years, my body and health have really taken a nose dive. My cholesterol has always been high. Vytorin helped, but then later made me get sick. I've got borderline hypertension, and at risk for diabetes on the horizon. My hips and knees hurt when I walk. My back hurts when I sleep. I've got GERD and borderline sleep apnea. I've fallen on a bad ankle pretty badly to where I can't go on long walks. Even, the thought of taking my kids to Disney doesn't sound fun anymore because of all the walking. Isn't that sad. My energy level has decreased.
Even though, I still feel like a cute, thin, bubbly person on the inside. I'm achey and slow moving on the outside.
In January, I had a friend who died of a stroke at age 39. She had 3 young kids like mine. She did carry a lot of stress around, but she was a lot less overweight and more active than I was. It was a real wake-up call to me. I did NOT want my kids attending a sad sad funeral like that one. My doctor's words of advice seemed to make more sense to me. I decided to start my research about WLS surgery. My father-in-law is a LabBand patient who did not have good results. He's diabetic and very non-compliant from what I can see. Although, I was probably willing to undertake the by-pass option, I was uneasy about the surgery risks and the malnutrition issues that could be long-term. The Sleeve seemed like a good middle ground, although the fact that it is not reversable was an initial fear. I liked the fact that I was basically keeping my digestive system intact, just reducing my stomach size.
I haven't felt a "full" feeling in so many years, I don't really remember what that feels like. Although, I was satisified with smaller amounts of food when I was younger and in my 20s. I was always too busy and active to feel hunger. I skipped meals all the time with no problems.
I've since "come to grips" with the risks and issues with the Sleeve. I can't put back the missing part of my stomach. But, even with a bypass surgery, you don't want to reverse it. I'm not so concerned about losing every single pound of weight I need to lose, as gaining back more of my health and energy so I can be a better wife, mom, and Christian woman who can use my gifts and talents as God intended for me to do.
My husband is on board and trying to be supportive. He often forgets that I'm on the pre-op liquid diet and offers me food. We've been eating buddies for many years. But, he's trying to adjust. I'm trying to cook more easy prep meals that don't tempt me to taste. I need to freeze more meals so I don't have to do a lot of food prep. every night. I've got my Sleeve surgery scheduled, and he's planning to take off some work to help me.
I'm both excited and a little nervous still. I'm hopeful that this choice will be the right one for me and my family. I don't want my children to think that looking thin is so important to me. It's what's in your heart that really counts. But, I made some mistakes and bad choices in my managing my health. I hope I can be an example of someone who takes responsibility and will work to make positive life changes that help our whole family be healthier. I'm not sure if I've prayed hard enough for guidance on this decision. The answer just seemed clear to me after my friend's death and discovering the Sleeve option.
I believe I have a good surgeon, and I'm learning all that I can. Secretly, I'd love to fit back into my wedding gown for our 20th wedding anniversary in a couple of years, even if I have to alter it a little. I'd love to give the "old me" or at least a "healthier me" to my loving husband as a present.
I've learned a lot already by visiting this website. I hope I can be an inspiration to others the way so many here are for me. God Bless.
busybusymom
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