Well, my insurance denied both my surgeries. I thought they'd at least approve the thigh lift.  I'm so sad. All my dreams of jogging without the horrible pain of the mass of skin jerking everywhere are shattered.  All my dreams of walking without getting bruises, heat rashes, burning/itching, everything, are shattered. My dreams of exercising without my arm skin literally slapping me in the face and having such sore arms afterwards are shattered. I'm so sad about this. Of course the surgeries SOUND cosmetic, but if they had to live a day in my shoes they sure would have a whole different perspective.  
It's just not fair.

Fear not, I WILL appeal. I'm not giving up THAT easy.

No sir.

 

I've been jumping through the hoops that the insurance co. throws my way and I think an answer is finally coming about whether they are going to approve my surgeries (thigh/arm lift). PLEASE cross your fingers for me!!! I think today is the day! If they deny, I will be SO depressed, omg.

I recently had a new consult with a new surgeon and we're going to try to get approval from my insurance for an arm lift and thigh lift. Right now we're waiting on my PCP's letter of medical necessity. She should be done with it today or tomorrow. So excited! Well, cautiously exceited. I know it'll be hard to get them to approve one/both but I'm trying to be optimistic! :D I'll keep you all updated!

I recently had a consult with a surgeon in Scottsdale (here in AZ) and it went okay. Right now I'm trying to figure out which procedures to get first because I want all of them (5) equally soooooo bad. It's torture having to choose! Let me break it down.

Mastopexy with Augmentation: Dr. S won't do breast implants without a lift (otherwise it wouln't look right) so that's 2 procedures in one. I want my breasts done because I literally have NO breast tissue and I've never felt like a woman. I just want to fill a bra for once in my life. All I have is deflated loose skin there. It's so embarrassing  What I wouldn't give to walk into Victorias Secret and pick out a bra I like, and actually fill it out (without it being tripple stuffed).

Thigh lift: The way pants fit, well, they don't. I have a lot of skin on my thighs and jeans/pants just don't fit right (or at all). This is one of my huge priority surgeries (the second one). I really need a lower body lift but an inner thigh lift would improve the way my my pants fit tremendously!

Arm lift: My first priority surgery. I live in Arizona so I'm always in a tanktop. It's really embarrassing having bat wings - especially when I'm only 25. I always have to be careful when I reach for something, and always have to be concious about how they look. It's a huge drag and the surgery would be amaaaazing for my self confidence (as would be other ones above this).

Tummy Tuck (revision): In 2006 I had an extended tummy tuck. I then had 3 kids within 3 years. My muscles are ruined. If I don't hard core suck in I look atleast 6 months pregnant. Lately  there's constantly a lump and I'm constantly bloated. I know it's a hernia and I have to have it fixed, but what do I do? Get this lump fixed? Or get 2 lumps placed in my chest!? LOL!
 
I neeeeeeeeed all these surgeries but it's so expensive! I mean, I know I'll get all these surgeries eventually, but that sounds hideous having to wait for some of them. I have to decide and stop changing my mind every 5 minutes. bLaaaaaH.
Anyway, I have another consult this Tuesday (May 15) because I want a couple different point of views. The surgeon I'm seeing next actually specializes in post massive weightloss patients so this should be good for me.

I've been walking everyday, taking my vitamins, drinking more fluids, cutting back on portions, and really focusing on protein! Oh yeah, and became Gluten-Free since white/wheat flour makes me all gassy/bloated and have bad diarreha. I never used to care, but now all the sudden I do. I needed a change in life, and this was it right now. I feel so great about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling! And... great news! I lost my insurance March 1st and now my husband can cover me on his insurance! Long story, but I'm so so soo happy! 

Ryan was born December 27, 2011...
.
.....
and I now it's time to lose some weight! About 2 weeks or so ago I've been walking/jogging everyday, cutting WAY back on my portions, eating a lot of salads, and I'm not even losing weight. What gives?! I guess I need more protein to burn so I can lose some weight? I don't know, but I keep weighing myself and it's always stuck at 172 now. BOOOOOOOOOO. I don't accept this at all. But today I was so discourage about my weight that I ate bad things, and now I feel even worse about myself! bLaH! Normally I would just give all together, but oh no... not this time! Tomorrow is a new day and I'm back on track! I will beat the number that is 172... oh yes... I WILL beat the number...

Jeeeeeez loueeeez... apparently I haven't posted in like, a year?! Gosh... where does this time go?!

*UPDATES*
Katie will be 3 in Feb 2012
Jennelle will be 2 in June 2012
Ryan will be born via (repeat) c-section December 27, 2011!

Yep! Kiddo #3 will be here in about 2 days now. I feel like a friggen COW and HAVE to lose weight after this kid is out. And YES I will be getting my tubes tied. 3 kids is enough, and my body can't handle another pregnancy. I need to focus on myself for a while. Before I found out I was preggo with #3 I was losing weight and feeling fantastic! I think I got down to 158 and couldn't have been more proud of myself! I just weighed myself at the doctor and am now 190 again. Needless to say I fReAkEd! I mean, I know I'm 9 month pregnant and women gain weight, but come oooooooon! With my first pregnancy I didnt gain anything (I had hypermesis). Then with baby #2 I "gained" about 5 pounds, and after she was out then so was the weight. I just can't believe how much I've gained. It's really emotional for me because of the fact that I use to weigh 328 (pre-op) and now I feel HUGE again and don't like this feeling at ALL. I'm really hoping once Ryan is out I drop atLEAST hope to be back in the 170's (if anything)! I need to focus on eating right/healthy again and taking logts of walks! I can't wait! I need to set some goals again so I can acheive them one-by-one. I just took a pic of myself trying to fit into my size 9 jeans and OMG, what a joke! I am so swollen from water retention and such, these jeans won't even go up past my thighs. It's so pathetic. I'm so ashamed. And again, I know I'm 9 months pregnant and should expect this (like any normal woman) but I just can't get over it. It didn't happen with my first 2 pregnancies so I was NOT expecting this. I'm so depressed about myself. :/
Anyways, I came on OH.com to get some support and see what other post-op DSers are eating to lose weight. I have to jump back on the band-wagon and atLEAST get back down to the 160's. My weight has been really stable around 165-168 and that's where I want to be to feel good about myself again.  
Instead of "saying" I'm going to come back and update all the time (and then forgetting for a year at a time) I'm going to write myself a note and stick it on my desk just saying something like " OH.COM :) " just so I don't forget to get back into this website. I miss it! I really need some inspiration. This is ridiculous.

I did it yet again... didn't come on here for months! Turns out our "boy" was 100% GIRL!
Jennelle will be 8 months old in a week, and that's why my title of this post is "my my... how time flies...".
Katie (the pic below) will be 2 on Feb 22. This is ridiculous... I always leave OH.com with the promise to come and update all the time, and it never happens. Anyways, I now have insurance again so I'm going to continue with pursuing my plastic surgery journey. I'm so excited!

Yes it's true! I am VERY proud to announce we are having a BOY! His name will be Ryan Edward and I will be having a c-section the 1st week of July since I my daughter was 8 days early and I had to have an emergency c-section to get her out a.s.a.p.! (Her heart rate went down everytime I had a contraction... long story). Anyways, I am thrilled!

Ridiculous! I never think about OH.com anymore! BUT here's my yearly update... lol! Ok, so Katie Joanne was born Feb. 22, 2009 (I can't believe I haven't posted since then...) and now she's almost 11 months old! AND i'm preggo again!!!! Almost 15 weeks along! Tomorrow is my gender scan and i'm praaaaying for a boy! I hope I don't take another year to update you all and let you know what it is!  lol! Anyways, i'm here to go on the pregnancy forum as suggested by a friend so here I go! Just thought i'd update first...

Ok, so I did it yet aGaIn! I haven't logged in in foreeeeeeeeeever and now its Dec 31, 2008! Midnight is in 2 1/2 hours and i'm SUPER DUPER excited about 2009! Want to know why? It's because i'm finally pregnant!!!! I think the blog underneath this one says i'm still not preggo, but right now i'm almost 8 months along (officially 8 months this Sunday!)!!! So YAY for meeeee! Well, except for my 24/7 nausea the ENTIRE pregnancy . I'm finally at the point of just wanting her out of me! (Yes, I said HER !!!!!) Her name is Katie (and her middle name is Joanne because that's my mommy's middle name!) and she's due March 2, 2009!!! THAT's why I am just SO excited it's finally atleast the New Year! I still have a month or 2 to go, but it's so0o0o close now! I just want to see her and hold her and kiss her and love her!!! Look how precious she is!!



Gosh.... I am so in love! Look at that little itty bitty fAce!!!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! It's kinda blurry (duh... she's in an amniotic fluid sac...) but still... what a cutie patutie!!!!
As for mommy, here's my latest baby bump pic taken  less than a week ago!



Oo0o0o0oh how I love being preggo (not the sickness though, but the expirience!), but I think my baby bump is SO cute!!! Probably because i've been wanting to be a mommy since the beginning of time (  ) and it's finally happening! The more time that went by after losing my weight (over 150 pounds) the more regular my periods became (meaning I then finally began to ovulate like a real girl!) It still took a loooong time for my body to regulate and such! Like my WLS was November 5, 2004, and I conceived Katie June 2008! It's been yeeeears of dissapointments and let-downs, but now i'm on TOP of the world and couldn't be happier!!!!

November 5, 2007 was my 3rd Re-Birth Birthday and I could NOT be happier!!! Life is phenomenal! I don't know if I told you, but on my birthday (August 30) I got married to the love of my life Austin! We're So happy being with eachother! We're eachothers worlds! <3 I'm stiiiill not pregnant though. I have an entire fertility journal from the beginning of 2006 (documenting Periods/Symptoms/Dates of Dr.+Ob/Gyn appt.'s/every sexcapade, eeeeverything!) Anyways, I went through it and figured out I am now on cycle 20 of trying to conceive, and stiiiiiiill nothing. Yeah, being big my entire life completly affected my hormones and fertility. (Ofcourse) I'm trying to get a job with health insurance that includes treatments for infertility but its hard! When I was on Clomid for 5 months (That started December 2006) I paid everything out of pocket since my insurance right now doesnt cover ANY of it. Anyways, other than that stuff, i'm LOVING life!

Well everyone....You know how conceiving takes forever anyways....seems like its taking forever and a day for US to. UUHHGG....bUt, I should be ovulating today (or within a couple days) so HOPEFULLY this is my lucky cycle #3!!! WISH US LUUUCK! =D

Ok. So my fiance and I are trying to have a baby and its taking forever. I know it takes almost a year to conceive for a normal couple, but we've already been having sex for over a year now and im still not pregnant. THAAAAAAATS because of when I was bigger, I didnt even haaave periods OR ovulate. Now that im 184 pounds though, my body is (and has been) trying to regulate itself. Its just not fully working though. I ovulated SOMEtimes, but not every cycle. So I started taking Clomid to make me ovulate. I would love to talk to someone who is going through a similar situation. I fucked up the first cycle of Clomid (looong stOry) so that didnt count. So, this is "technicly" the second cycle on it, but I call it my first. Im on CD8. I took my last pill lastnight. So I should ovulate in 5-9 days if everything goes perfect! (It better!!!) Anyways, i'll update later. Bye for nOOOOw! <3

I forgot ALL about OH.com!! Im actually on here getting information for a friend of mine because she wants to persue the lap-band. So we decided since im SUCH a WLS expert, then I shall research for hEr! So I came on here, signed into my oooooooooold account, and decided to update the new one!!! I dont feel like writing in here anymore because now im just living my life normally. I have been for soooooo long. My 2 year re-birth birthday was November 5, 2006! wOw....2 years since surgery....Time flies!!!!!! Anyways, I am doing FABULOUS! I have found true love, and we are engaged! <3 I LOVE life!!!!

April 24, 2006-Wow. I need to update this more. I have my Tummy Tuck April 6, 2006. Its a loooooooong and VEEEEERY painful recovery. Pure miseryyyy, but SO worth it!!!

March 12, 2006- WHOA! H0w c0me I dont remember writing the post ab0ve this one? Whoooooooa. How sAd. Anyways, so t0morrow im sending in my papers to my nEW insurance which is Definity Health Insurance which is part of United Health Care. I have pictures thIs time of the sores i get under my skin so they BETTER approve me! I'll keep u updated! WISH ME LUCK! <3

February 7,2006- Hi everyone! So about my plastics. HealthNet denied me AGAIN on January 27, 06. I got a packet of papers in the mail and it said to send the enclosed paper to some California Health Insurance greivance thing and they'll give my case a review or something. I just got EVERYthing together (plus a pic) and im gonna send it all tomorrow. This is vEry depressing....But ill update you when I hear something.

February 13, 2006- Im SO sick of this. Here i am all alone crying. Im gaining weight. I cant pretend anymore that I love myself. I HATE myself right now. HATE HATE HATE. I dont even care if I fucking die right now. This is completly rediculous. I went on birth control and gained 10 pounds, and now my parents are commenting on it and I am SO sensitive about it, i rAn to my room, slAmmed the door and immidiatly bUsted out bAlling my eyes out! And im stIll crying about it. I cant face AnYone. I wish I never lost this weight now. Everyone is fixated on it like im an animal in a zoo and they come to see me and just hAve to comment. Its makes me fucking SICK. I cant control myself either. My stomach stretches to its maximum every single time I eat which is discusting also because sometimes i can eat 2 sandwitches. I discust myself and hope i fucking die tonight.

December 28,2005- Ok, so right now I weigh like, 186. I cant believe that I, Amy Young, weigh 186. I still dont see it when I look in the mirror but that'll take years. Yesterday (the 27th) I was denied for a Panniculectomy by HealthNet and filed an appeal. Ill keep you updated on that situation.

October 4, 2005- I havent written since JUNE?!?! Whaaaaat?! How rediculous!!! Well, i cant be loud right now, and this keyboard is SO loud, so i'll write tomorrow! Just know its about plastic surgery!! <3

June 13,2005- HI!

JUne 18,2005- I STILL LOVE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 1,2005-Can you even believe its May 2005 already?!!? Wow! Anyways, so May 5 is my 6 month anneversery and it doesnt look like im losing my full 100 pounds before that. I've now lost 96 and thats FABULOUS! I'm not at all dissapointed in myself for not losing the full 100 during the first 6 months! Look what i've accomplished so far! Im SO proud, and i'm SO SO SO SO happy with myself, AND how life is going right now. And i'd like to thank god for making all things possible!! I love you!!! And i'd like to thank Dr. Ara Keshishian for doing the surgery in the first place! AND for believing in me! And i'd especially like to congradulate myself for putting in ALL i had, and never giving up! Doing everything by myself for 11 months before it was finally my time to be blessed with the surgery! I LOVE LIFE!

May 5,2005- ITS MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSERY AND I'VE LOST 101 POUNDS! IM FINALLY A PART OF THE CENTURY CLUB!!!! AHHHHH!!! IM SO SO SO SO SO GRATEFUL!!!!!! I JUST DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY!!!!!! ITS SO UNREAL!!!!!! I WEIGH 218 POUNDS!!!! I HAVENT WEIGHED 218 SINCE 8TH GRADE!!!!! LOOK AT MY BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES!!!!!! THEIR FABULOUS!!!!! THERES THIS THING THAT THIS LADY SAYS....SHE SAYS, "GRATTITUDE IS MY ATTITUDE" AND THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!!!!!! IM SO GRATEFUL!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE X90000 LOVE LOVE LOVE LIFE!!!!!!
May 6,2005- Hi!!!! I just wanted to say agin that I LOVE LIFE!!!!!!!!!

June 5,2005- today is my 7 month anniversery! I've decided today to include all of my weightloss that i've lost together. Yes, that sounds confusing, let me explain. I always have to say to people that "My highest weight was 328, but the day before surgery i weighed 319", so now, i decided to add the weight i lost right before surgery, so now i've lost a total of 116 pounds!!!! 328 to 212!!!! Let me put my weight-ticker!!! Watch!  SEE!?!!?!?!? Isn't that fabulous! Oh, and my job is going fantastic! AND, im graduating High School June 17! Im so nervous! But excited!!!!

April 4, 2005- Hi!!! I dont feel like saying musch right at this moment, but you should know that tomorrow is my 5 month anneversery and i've lost 89 pounds!!!!!!!!!

April 25,2005- Hi everyone!!! On May 5 its my 6 month surgery anneversery and im SO excited!!! I wonder what i should do...?  I'm so ashamed....I cant stop eating all the wrong things. People think this surgery fixes all the problems associated with why we got so large in the first place....And it really doesnt...Anyways, so right now, its 10:28p.m., and for some reason, it feel like its 1 in the morning! Im eating olives. Which is weird because i dont think ive ever craved olives in my entire life! This surgery changes your taste buds too. All the sudden you'll start craving stuff you've never even thought of before! i really need to start eating better. I want to make sure i lose 5 more pounds before May 5th so i can say that in the first 6 months i lost 100 pounds! (right now i'm 224 lbs, and i've lost 95 lbs!) I'm gonna go on my other favorite website (which is www.wlsfriends.com) and get recipes! SO anyways, i just wanted to update that work is going fabulous, i feel WONDERFUL, and i've never been so happy with myself EVER!!!!! Life is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!

February 12,2005-Alright, now ive lost 69 pounds!!!!!!!!! I ABSOLUTLY POSITIVLY ABSOLUTLY ABSOLUTLY LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE life right now!!!!!!!!! I have a good job, and an acual life! And im acually happy!!!! This is the greatest thing thats ever happen to me so far!!!!!!!!!!!

January 1,2005- No way! I cant believe its January 1, 2005!!! Its just so weird to me!!! Anyways, today i weighed, and i've lost a total of 48 pounds!!! 2 more pounds and ill be at the 1/2 century mark!!! I made a deal with my sister that when i lose 53 pounds, i can go get a donut! Bu now, i dont even want one! It will just give me diarreha and slow my weightloss!!  I am SO proud of myself!!!!! I love me!!! For breakfast yesterday, and this morning i had a low-carb Slim Fast and their good when their really really cold!!!! A normal slim fast has like, 33 grams of carbs and alot of sugar!!! But this low-carb one only has 6 cabrs, 1 gram of sugar, and has 20 grams of protein!!! PERFECT for me!!! I cant finish a whole one yet. Im only 7 weeks out!

January 7,2005-Oh my gosh!!! I havent seen a difference in my appearence yet and i JUST realized how different i acually look! Look at my pictures at the bottom! Right now i've lost 51 pounds in 8 weeks, but that picture was taken almost 1 month post-op (-38 pounds) so i must look even different then that! I took some pictures today! Let me get my camera and put them in here!

January 13,2005- Hi! So on Monday (the 10th) My dad and I drove to Delano, which was 4 hours! Then had my 5 minutes appointment with Dr.K. Then turned around and drove 4 hours back!!!!! MISERABLLLLLE!!!!! But i've now lost 55 pounds! Im SO happy! People are really acually noticing!!! I feel so good about that!!!!! I cant believe im losing so fast!!! This is SO fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 22,2004-Hello everyone! This surgery has made me a miserable bitch. I feel so bad for my family and people who make me even alittle bit angry. Its seems like most of the time im depressed and mean because i dont have my food to comfort me. On the upside though, i've lost 44 pounds! But on friday morning, i was sitting on my bed, listening to music, doing my makeup, just like every other day, and then i sneezed! And im pretty sure i got a hernia! I called Dee and she said to call my PCP, so that same day i had an appointment and my PCP said i need to have a CT-scan. And im like, "UM...will i even fit in there???!?!" Because i've never had a CT-scan before!!! And she said the weight limit is 300 pounds, and now im 275, and thats cutting it kinda close!!! Today at like, 3:30-4:00p.m. i have to call my doctors office again and see if this other doctor will write a perscription for a CT-scan because MY PCP wont be there for another week! And im like, "I am NOT sitting here in pain for a week for nothing!" But i guess i have to if the other doctor wont fill it out! But anyways, when they write it, they have to fax it to the hospital (where i have to have the CT-scan) and then i get to make an appointment, and i BETTER get an appointment like, for tomorrow because this hernia HURTS! If this really isnt a hernia though, it better be something that doesnt need to be fixed with surgery! I just fuckin' recovered from the most painful thing ive EVER had to go through! And now im gonna have to have surgery again 2 months later!?!? Um, NO! Well, ya, if i HAVE to! But im dreading it ofcourse!!!! This surgery is so hard to deal with. And its SO hard to do the right thing! And ofcourse i just HAD to have surgery at the yummiest time of the year! I take a bite here, a bite there, a couple bites everywhere! I feel so guilty! But its just SOOOOO hard!!!!! And a couple days ago i got over a week 1/2 long platue. However you spell it. That sucks. During this past month and a 1/2 (the whole post-op time so far), i've thrown-up a coouple of times. Its so nasty. Ill update after i have my CT-scan to tell you how it went!! I cant believe Christmas is just a couple days away!!!! WEIRD! It doesnt seem like it at ALL!!!!

December 29,2004- Im going to cancel my CT-scan because im not in pain anymore. Well, not physically anyway. But im fu**ing pissed that im losing so slow. I dont exercise yet but im only like, 7 weeks out! I should be losing ALOT more then this! I stepped on the scale and it says in 273. Ok, i weighed in like, a week ago and i was 275. I should be losing a bit more faster then that! So that means i now lost 46 pounds. I have to start curves. But theres something blocking me from doing that. I dont know what it is. Im so scared to take that first step. Maybe because its something SO new to me. Im starving. What should i eat for breakfast? An egg perhaps? Im DYING for pizza. Ofcourse i wouldnt eat that! Especially since now i see i lose weight as slow as snails run! OOOOOOH! I think i know why im not losing. I keep drinking this "NO sugar added swiss miss hot chocolate". And i thought it meant there wasnt sugar, and then i look at the box, and it says 7 grams of sugar AND carbs. Whats up with that?!?! Drinking anything else makes me SICK to even think about! What am i going to do?!?!?! This surgery is so hard!!!! Damn it.....This sucks.  Oh well...atleast im losing....right? Im going through too much shit to only be losing like, 2 pounds a week. I hope the scale is wrong. I need new drink ideas. I've tried almost EVERY acceptable drink and they all make me GAG! Wow....this is very dissapointing to me.......in the beginning i was drinking crystal light all day and now it just makes me sick to even think about! Im so hungry im about to die. Ill update later. Bye!

December 30,2004- So um, i officially hate myself now...Im doing all the wrong things! Someone needs to come over here and kick me in the ass! Whats wrong with me? My appointment with my surgeon is on January 10, and if i dont get my shit together im going to feel like i let him down!!! Im about to cry...im SO mad at myself because its so hard to do the right things! I have to join "Curves" too before i go to my appointment. Hmmm... Im gonna go there and ask how much it is a month tomorrow or something.  I have to get my nose pierced again anyways tomorrow because it closed up during surgery. Well, i guess i can just call...Let me see if i can find a curves website and see whats going on with them.

November 3,2004-Oh my gosh you guys! Yesterday Dee called me and said that now my medical group is trying to say they dont know if their going to approve me or not! I flipped! But i tried not to show it on the phone. Anyways, so i had to wait till this morning for the news on if they approve me or not. And they did!!! So now surgery is still ON!!! Woo hoo!!!! My dad and i are leaving tomorrow morning!! Im still not nervous at all. I sure i will be when im about to go into surgery!!! But we'll see! I cant believe its acually happening!!! Surgery is Friday, so if i dont update before tomorrow before we leave, i just want to say thankyou to EVERYONE who prayed for me through my whole 11 month journey! Through ALL the ups and downs!! Thankyou everyone!!!! It means so much to me!!!!!!!! Here i go to my new life!!! Wish me luck!!!!!!!!

******************SURGERY NOVEMBER 5 2004******************

November 12,2004-Im back! Im officially a post-op, and at this point im really trying to figure out what the hell i was thinking when i was got this surgery. I guess everyone goes through that though. Im tired. Ill write later.

October 15,2004-Hello everybody!!! I finished all my pr-op tests over a week ago and sent everything (the clearences) into Dee! I cant wait till surgery day!!! We're(me and my dad) leaving here for Delano on November 3! So we'll be on our way in 19 days!!! AHHH!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!

October 17,2004- 17 more days we leave!!!!!!! 19 days till surgery!!!!!!!!!!NO WAY!!!!!! Ill be on the losing side soon!!!!!!!

October 29,2004-Hi everyone!!!! I keep forgetting to update, but here i am! And only 1 week exactly from surgery!!! It hit me a couple hours ago that this is the last weekend that i'll be on the normal side!!! By this time in 7 days my whole life will be totally different forever! Well, probably not my WHOLE life, but you know what i mean!!! Anyways,Im still not nervous AT ALL about having surgery, so im thinking im weird. But i know ill be nervous a couple days before surgery!!!! My dad and i decided instead of leaving the 3rd, we're gonna leave the 4th. So we're leaving in 6 days. And when i wake up tomorrow, only 5!!! AHHHHH!!!!! This is a dream come true! It still doesnt even seem real!!!! I cant even imagine how fun its going to be post-op!!! HOW FUN!!!!!!!!! What an adventure this is going to be!!!! Anyways, ofcourse ill update before surgery too!!! Bye peoples!!!!!!

September 2, 2004-Hello!!!! Yesterday i had my cardiology appointment and Dr.Tsang said I have to have an EKG so i made an appointment for next thursday for that. And today i had my sleep test consult and im going in for a sleep study in approximatly 2 weeks. Then 2 weeks after that one i have another appointment at the same place to discuss the results. 18 more days till my consult with Dr.Keshishian!!!!!!!!! woo hooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 11,2004-Well, the EKG was cancelled because of a "family emergency" so my appointment for that is now on friday. Todays saturday, so 6 more days. OH! I forgot to tell you that yesterday i made my phyc exam for Monday! Ofcourse i have to pay $100.00 for that 1 hour, and then $50.00 for the time he spends writing the clearence letter. But its totally worth it to have a new life and acually be happy for a change! My consult with Dr.Keshishian is in 9 days, but we're leaving in 8 and staying at a hotel that night because its like, 5-6 hours away. Im so nervous!!! I dont know why!!! Please somone pray for me!!!!

September 13,2004-Today was a my phyc eval and i was SO nervous about it ALL day! But when i got there it was fine!

September 21,2004-Yesterday was my appointment(consult)!!!!! Everything went great and my surgery date is December 2 for right now. If i can get it approved with-in a couple weeks then it'll be sooner then that. So thats why im not really excited because I dont think December 2 is my ACUAL date yet!

September 23,2004-Hola everyone! lol!!! Im so excited!!! This morning my sister handed me the phone and said "Its for you" And it was a lady from Dr.K's office and she said that she was making up the report to send to Healthnet, and she wanted to know if i wanted open of Lap! Im just so excited!!! I told her i wanted open! Open to me is so much better because ill have a better chance of getting approved since lap takes like, 3 1/2 hours, and open is only like, 2 hours or somthing. Open is just better for me. So she said ok, and we hung up, and i was just SO excited all day about it! Because i feel im at the end of the road on this whole surgery process. Im SO ready for surgery!!!!!!

September 26,2004-So now i just wait. I really hate waiting for stuff, but i guess i have to obviously. Im sick of just reading about how everyone else has had surgery already. I want it to be my time!!!!!!!=(

September 30,2004-IM APPROVED!!!!!!! Dee called this morning to tell me! And then i asked her when she sent in the approval papers and she said YESTERDAY!!!! basically i got approved with-in a day!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!Oh ya! And my new surgery date is November 5!!!!!!!!!

August 1 or 2(i dont know....im pretty sure its the 2nd),2004-Last week i found a surgeon contracted with healthnet who does DS but hes not in my "medical group" which is alta bates. how annoying!!!!!!! But i called chris(the referral guy at my doctors office) and he sent in the referral to healthnet to see if we can get it passed. i WISH! but, the only problem is that he's in Delano which is 7-8 hours away from alameda. (where i live)  Anyways, tomorrow's monday and im gonna call chris to see if he's heard anything from thema nd if they dont pass the referral for the conciltation i think im going to ball my eyes out. ill tell u guys what happens. Bye for now!!!!!!!

August 7,2004- When your about to have weightloss surgery, doesnt it seem like your always waiting for somthing? well, you are. and i hate it. waiting SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! i've been waiting since the beginning of january and STILL dont have a sturdy hopeful foundation. HOW ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going crazy!!!!!!!!!!! On Monday i should know if my conciltation was approved for Dr.Keshishian but im hoping its not approved because its 7-8 hours away and i reeeeeealy dont want to spend hundreds of dollars just for transportaion. It would be ATLEAST 160.00$ roundtrip. how ANNOYING TOO!!!!!!!!!! gosh.....when will i hear the those precious magic life-changing words "You've been approved for DS"??????? I mourn for it!!!!!! ITS ALLLLLLLL i think about.  Oh ya. I found out the rabkin brothers (in San francisco) at contracted with Alta bates(my medical group) but through blue cross. my insurance is Healthnet. I talked to the office guy (at the rabkins office) and he said that i have a good chance of getting approved since my BMI is 52. BUT, If i get approved, healthnet wouldnt pay all of the surgeons fee. so i could be stuck making payments for years on 12,000.00$. Um....another option please? lol! BUT. The Rabkins are among the best surgeons on this earth. So i know it'd TOTALLY be worth it.I've never in my life wanted anything so much in my ENTIRE LIFE then to be thin. normal. happy. to be able to buy jeans that arent 50-60.00$ just because they need more material. I just went to Lane Bryant last week and bought 2 pairs of jeans. 100.00$!!!!!! For 2....pairs.....of jeans......come on now! How rediculous!!!!!!! I need to buy more pairs of big Velour pants for surgery. Even though i have NO idea when its going to be. Or who my surgeon will end up being. Or if i'll get approved. Oh my gosh....sitting here right now wasting my life...getting bigger...it makes me sick! WHY CANT THINGS JUST GO MY WAY FOR ONCE!!!!?!?!?!? Like, why cant things start to look up? When i started this in January, my PCP said "Now we get the ball rolling..." Well, the surface must be flat because the "ball" hasnt moved for 6 months....well, it has...but still no sturdy foundation on this thing....Im so depressed. All i can do right now is wait for Monday to come(todays saturday) and see if healthnet has approved my conciltation request with Dr.K. And if they have, i have to like, fly there. how fucking stupid!!!! this whole thing is rediculous. why do other people have it so easy? well, good things come to those who wait....

August 10,2004-YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday i found out i got approved for the conciltation with Dr.Keshishian!!!!!!!!! So then i was worried about how im going to go there all by myself because im only 17(ill be 18 on august 30) but still, thinking about staying in a hotel room by myself freeks me out!!!!! So i asked my sister and her boyfriend if they would go with me and they said YES! They said it was going to be like a fun road trip!!! im SO excited!!! I cant believe i didnt think about asking them yesterday! I thought it up today when they came over! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!Then i called Dr.K's office and made an appointment for September 20,2004. They only do the consults Mondays and Wednesdays.Anyways, so we're going to leave Sunday(the 19th of september) then get a hotel for 1 night, and then the next day ill have my appointment from 9a.m.-3p.m. and then we'll drive home! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!It sounds far away but it REALLY ISNT!!!!!!!!!!! Its only a month and 10 days!!! So like, 5 weeks or so. Thats going FLY by!!!!!!!!! THANKYOU everyone who prayed for me to get my consult approved! It worked!!!

August 22,2004-My birthday is in 8 days!!!!!!!!(ill be 18) this is going to be the greatest day of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 23,2004-Alright. Minor problem. I need over 2,000.00$. Well, thats not really minor.LOL! Its a BIG problem! Well, see, im getting a job when im 18(i have to be 18 to work where i want to work(at my brothers school) ) And so that in 7 days. I need to pay the 2,000.00$ for the "after-surgery-appointments" because insurance wont pay it. they dont see those as "medicaly nessacary". Sorry. i cant spell. Anyways, so i was thinking about what i can do so i wont be having to pay this off for years. Like, should i get a credit card? And charge it? Or should i just get a loan? Im so confused. Whats the best thing to do? I'd much rather have a credit card with a 3,000.00$ limit because i need 2,000.00$ for before surgery. 250.00$ for the co-pay. And money everynight for the hotel. On the 7th day after surgery ill have to go back to Dr.K's and get my drains out. But i get out of the hospital after 3-4 days, so i need to stay in a close-by hotel for another 3-4 days after they release me. So thats another couple hundred for the hotel. SO im going to need about 3,000.00$. I wish i would have known i was going to Dr.K and needed to 3,000.00$ before i went and blew it all on Jack-in-the-box and Mcdonalds!!! lol!!! wait...thats not funny.....im so ashamed. Anyways, im gonna go check my email and see if Dee emailed me back! Till next time!!!
P.S.=Pray for my approval!!!!!!

August 24,2004- Guess what?!?!!? IM SO EXCITED!!! I emailed Dee and she said that if i get a phyc eval, and a nutritional eval, then on my appointment on september 20, ill get a surgery date!!!!!! AND, i already had nutritional consult thing, and i made an appointment with a phyc and then i cancelled because we didnt even know WHAT kind of questions he was suppose to be asking. So i said ill make an appointment when i find out and he said when i call, he'll be able to make an appointment with me for a couple days after! I emailed Dee again and asked her if the nitritional consult thing counted since it was so long ago (well, only 7 months, but still....) SO ill update when i hear back from her! Oh ya, and she said that when we're making my appointment then i will probably be able to get an appointment with-in 2 months!!!! 2 months FLIES by! IM SO EXCITED!!!!! SO if it really is 2 months then we're looking at surgery in November! Oh my gosh. IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

July 2,2004-Alright. Heres whats going on. I went to my appointment with my PCP to discuss the pre-op stuff on wendsday with her and she ordered all the tests and said to call back friday to see if we got the referrals approved. So i call today and then i get the OK to make an appointment for a pelvic ultrasound, an abdominal ultrasound, and a cardiology consult thing. So i made them. Im having both the ultrasounds at the same time and thats going to be on on tuesday(in 3 1/2 days) And i cant wait to get them done so i can check them off on my "pre-op testing list". How fun!!! But i have to wait to do the cardiology thing till august 18. So thats like...almost a month and 1/2. But thats ok because i have to be 18 to have the surgery anyways and whatever, because you already know all of that stuff if you read everything above this post. Anyways, we're still waiting for the OK from the insurance company to schedule the sleep apnea test. im pretty sure its going to be at Alta Bates summit medical center. i REALLY hope i hate Sleep Apnea because it'll make the insurance company approve me faster.lol!!! Anyways, I now weigh 312. What is going on?!?! I mean, i know whats going on (i eat way too much because my stomach is so stretched and i dont get full easily and i dont exercise because im too tired and weak all the time to even walk around the block! I hate moving around.lol!! Anyways, i have to lose 31 pounds really fast! well...not really fast bcause i have 3 months or somthing. I guess i have to go and secretly take diet pills and act like im doing the weightloss thing all on my own. i just CANT! Its WAY hard!!!! Anyways, i'll update later! Bye for now!!

JUne,4,2004- Oh my gosh, i HATE tonight. I went out looking for some fireworks and you couldnt even park along the like....3 mile beach because there were cars EVERYWHERE where there were spaces, and then i wante to go to the main part of the beach, and the gates were closed where you park! i guess they didnt want anyone to party there or somthing....anyways, so then i drove away and almost started crying because i realize i hate my life right now. i hate being so big and i hate not having any friends because i've pushed them all away slowly. i hate not having confidence and not having a life...i HATE my life!!!!!!!!

July 5,2004-Oh my gosh you guys......i can NOT even lose 1 single pound! how am i suppose to lose 31?!?!! (for the 10% of my body weight) I keep eating everytyhing in sight and i just can NOT control myself what-so-ever!!! I mean, thats how i got to be 312 pounds in the first place! And im sure i just gained 2 more pounds because i just mindlesly ate 20 mini cinnamon-sugar cookies from "Mrs.Fields" on the drive home from the mall and i feel so discuting!!!!!!!! How am i going to lose 31 pounds?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

July 9,2004-Today i called the UCSF bariatic program to see if my conciltation is still approved (even though they changed the whole program) and this automated message started and said that NO ONE will answer the phone until the whole new program starts which is going to be on September 1!!!! Im like..."whaaaaaaat!??!?!?!?!!!" So i called every UCSF number i had and finally somone answerd and said that i have to call the surgery department. so i did, and she said that the surgeon who was the bariatric surgeon wasnt going to be the surgeon anymore!!!!! im again like, "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!!" She said that September 1 is when everything will be setteled and people can start making appointments again and the new surgeon will be working there and stuff! you better believe im gonna call RIGHT when they turn the phone lines on, on september 1!!! I'll make an appointment for in september if i can! I wonder exactly how many week i have of weight watchers left?.....I think its 2 months and 3 weeks. So basicly 3 months. So...ill make it in september even though i have WW until like, the beginning of october so i have a chance to get ahead! And, i still cant lose any weight. i just have NO will power at all!!! having to lose weight is MURDER!!!!!!!! what am i going to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

July 27,2004-Alright you guys. I decided i did NOT want RNY because everyones gaining their weight back and BP/DS would be MUCH better, so im looking for a surgeon contracted with healthnet that does it but i cant find ANYONE!!!! let me call healthnet. Ill write what happens later. Bye for now!

June,3,2004-Oh my gosh you guys....tomorrow is my first ever pre-op appointment and for some reason, im nervous!!! They just said their gonna ask questions and stuff, and i think their gonna do some testing or somthing...but...i dont know..i'll update tomorrow! wish me luck!!!!!

June,4,2004,-Well...It took like..4 hours,but it didnt even seem that long! She gave me a physical, and i spoke with the nutritionist,and we talked about ALOT of stuff about eating and food, and she said that before surgery, she wants me to go to weekly meetings with a GOOD phyciatrist or somthing, and keep going to my weight watchers meetings, and then if surgery is somthing that i still think is the best option for me(like...towards the end of the year) then she said she's behind me 100%! But when she started talking about me and my dads issues,i started crying. i tried SO hard to hold it in but i just couldnt. the tears just came out. I guess i was crying because my dad doesnt respect my decision and believe in me...i dont know. I took in alot with-in that 4 hours. But anyways, I have another appointment July 23 at 10:00 a.m. for a follow up and for them to see if i lost a couple pounds or somthing...she said i have to have all this testing done, AND a sleep apnea test, so that was basiclly the whole appointment...

JUne,8,2004-You know what i just thought of?!?! Im still on the waiting list for a conciltation with another hospital. Its at UCSF. Im gonna call them and ask them how long it would take to get an appointment, because they said in like...february that they'd call me for an appointment in June/July. And well...obviously, its june.lol! Basicly, the pre-op appointment i went to Friday, the lady said to put weightloss surgery "on the back burner". like...she doesnt want me to think about it right now. and well...Im SO obsessed with this surgery that theres NO way of even thinking not to think about it! I've been just trying to get an appointment since January!!! And now i finally get one and she says to forget about it for a couple months. thats obsuerd!!!!!!!!!!!!!I dont know how to spell obsured, but thats what it is!! Oh ya, one of these soon days i have to go and take all these tests. i think its just blood work for me or somthing and then they test for all this stuff. i dont know. but its a test for diabetes and tons of other things! Oh ya, and then i have to call the lady who i had my pre-op appointment with and ak her who i call to schedule my sleep apnea test. i think i have sleep apnea. my mom said said i snore really loud and wierd.

June,14,2004-Im bored. So i think i'll write stuff. Lets see...whats going on? Well,friday(its sunday today) i called UCSF because i wanted to see where im at on the waiting list. but no one answerd...and so im gonna call tomorrow and see if they answer. i've been on the waiting list to get an appointment since like...february...and now its June...um...UCSF needs to kick it up a notch! all i've been doing for like, a week, is trying to find out more stuff online about UCSF's bariatric program. Like, everyones presonal expiriences and stuff like that. its really fun to kow that your hearing expiriences from people who had the same surgeon your going to have and the hospitl your going to stay at! Im soooo bored!! I cant wait till tomorrow because i really really want to know when their gonna call me for an appointment. When i was first put on the list i think there was like, 200 people before me.lol! thats SO rediculous!!! they need to get more surgeons or somthing because that is unacceptable!!! dont you agree!!?!?! Anyways, they said that for an appointment, they'd call me in June or July. I think i already told you that but oh well....Anyways, its June 12 2004, and im stiiiiiill waiting! I wonder how people make their profile all pretty...*thinking* thats what i need. Well, no i dont, because i doubt i'm the only one that's ever read this.lol! I cant picture somone else reading al of this an being interested because nothing's reallt happend yet and already it looks like i've written a book on here!!! lol!!!! Wow....anyways, i cant wait to be post-op! how fun! it'll feel SO wierd to know that i've probably waited a year for this(by that time...its already been like,5 months), then all the sudden BOOM! I can call myself a post-op and see how it feels to have my own expiriences and not just read everone else's! Anyways, im gonna go look up more things about UCSF! I'll write soon!!! Bye for now!!!!

June,15,2004-Oh my gosh you guys! I've had a headache since 3:00 p.m. and now its 10:01 p.m.! Its because I went to the Oakland Zoo today with my brothers class(hes in kindergarden) and it was SO hot! and i HATE heat!!! But i wore my hair up and a visor, but still, we werent even in the acual sun for along time, but still...too much sun for some reason! im just really sensitive!! Anyways, i keep forgetting to call UCSF to find out where i am with my appointment thing. (When their gonna call me to make an appointment) I totally keep forgetting and then i remember when their already closed. Dont you hate when that happens?! Its just been really hectic since its the last week of school. Well, my brothers school but im a BIG part of the class room(literally...lol!!!!!) So i've running around all week with field trips and getting ready for the last day, AND we have graduation on friday(its tuesday night right now!) I cant believe how short this year went!! Anyways, o0h! i lost 2 pounds at weight watchers!!! yay me!!! =D I'll write later!!bye!!!!

June 17,2004- I called the coordinator at UCSF today to find out where im at on the waiting list, and she said "hold on" and never came back! I was just sitting there for like, 10 minutes just watching t.v. and she never came back! So i hung up and called again and it rang and rang and she didnt answer. it was her answering machine. On the answering machine it said she wont be able to take calls every tuesday(i think) and thursday, and today's thursday, but....i dont know. whatever.lol!!! I'll call ALL day tomorrow because if i dont, i'll have to wait ALL weekend, and theres NO way im going to because the weekends are boring and long enough without the slowing down of time to make it worse....anyways, Bye for now!

June 18,2004- Today was my brothers kindergarden graduation.how adorable!We just got home. Alright, im about to call UCSF right now to see where im at on the waiting list again! Let me get the phone,ill be right back!Im gonna write everything that happens while im on the phone so you know whats happening! Ok, here i go. 1-415-502-6016.......Its wringing.OH MY GOSH!!! Guess what?!?!?! As of July 1st, there not going to be dealing with ANY of the pre-op stuff, and she said shes going to send me these 2 papers with all the requirments that i have to do, and then when i get them all done, i go to my PCP and then she orders all the pre-op testing, and then its surgery time! I dont know weather to be happy or angry! Let me think if this is a good thing or a bad thing.....*thinking* Ok its a GOOD thing because she also said that i'll be able to get an appointment ALOT quicker. Im mad though too because i've been on the waiting list since...*checking my date book* It says my conciltation was approved February 23, and i've been on the waiting list for a conciltation with dr.ostroff since march 1,2004. oh my gosh...its been like...3 months and 17 days just to get an appointment....and i still dont have one!!! well...im not going to have one anymore anyways!! How annoying...Anyways, So Leslie Tucker(coordinator) said she'd send those 2 papers and 1 has the requirments on it and then i just have to do all my pre-op stuff, and then its surgery scheduling time!!! woo hoo!!! Well, that wont be for a long time because i think the requirments are still that you have to lose 10% of your body weight....I said to her "arent the requirments online too?" and she said "well, they are...but their SO old their not the same ones as i have here on these new ones." so i just have to wait till i get the mail and get my letters!  Oh wait....i think you have to only do 1/2 of the 10% of your body weight, and then have the surgeon appointment, and then you schedule surgery like...a month or somthing after that, and in that time, you lose the other half of the 10%. anyways, i better get started! lol!!! ill write later!!!

June 23,2004- Ok,yesterday i got the requirments from UCSF. They said that i had to lose 10% of my body weight and do all of these pre-op tests. So right now im trying to lose my 31 pounds but its SO hard to not eat what i want. OH SO HARD!!!! Anyways, today i called my PCP's office and made an appointment for wednsday, June 30,2004 at 11:00 a.m. Im going to give her the lists of pre-op tests and then she has to order them i guess...(thats what the coordinator said). Speaking of coordinators,When i went to my appointment at Stanford, Dr.Peebles said i need a sleep apnea test, but i dont know what to do to get it! do i go to my PCP? i dont know. I'll call Dr.Peebles and ask her how i go about getting the sleep test. o0h! its going to be SO fun!! I dont know why....lol!!! Anyways, so i'll try to lose some of my 31 pounds, and ill call and ask about my SA test, and i'll go to my appointment on the 30th(1 week from today) and i'll update soon!!! Bye!!!!

June 26,2004-Oh my gosh you guys....i HATE waiting for stuff!! I cant believe i have to wait until the 30th for my appointment! Todays the 26th, but just waiting and waiting is taking forever! After i go to my PCP to have the tests ordered and stuff, i have to acually DO all the tests, and then i have to lose my 31 pounds and THEN i can go to the surgeon. wait! no i cant! I have to have 3 1/2 more months of weight watchers too or the insurance company wont cover it! Oh my gosh.....waiting sucks! But i have to wait 2 more months until my birthday (august 30,2004) because UCSF says you have to be 18 to be operated on. But thats ok because i was going to wait till i was 18 anyways because i know my dad wont sign for the surgery for me because hes against it anyways. So right now it looks like im not going to be havnng surgery until October.Because i need 3 1/2 more months of weight watchers or insurance wont approve it(says Stanford). But im going to apply for surgery right when i turn 18 and have ALL of the testing and 31 pound loss done because who knows? Maybe they'll be like "Well...she went to weight watchers for a whole 4-5 months, and lost the required 10% body fat(31 pounds), so maybe we should approve the surgery! wishful thinking! hey! it could happen! Oh ya, and today i kept calling Alameda Hospital's sleep study department and they STILL wouldnt answer. So finally someone answered and said that i have to call back on Monday after 8:00 a.m. She said that they were never in 1 place at a time...that they were always walking around the hospital helping and that i should leave a voice message. But i left a voice message on friday morning so they should have called me back before the day ended, dont you think?!?!?! i do!!! lol! Anyways, im just SO impatient! Anyways, i'll write to you what happend on Monday and what they say about the sleep test! Oh wait, 1 more thing. I was doing SOOOO good on my diet ALL day, but then i couldnt resist going to Jack-In-The-Box and got my favorite chicken bacon sourdough thing with large fries and a large coke with no ice, and i got my brother a jumbo-jack, but then he was being mean to my other brother and i said he didnt get it anymore so i had 3/4's of that burger too! im SO mad at myself for doing so bad today. =( Losing weight is THE hardest!!!!!=(

May,6,04-Hi everyone! Well, the approved the conciltation, and guess what!? It was for the wrong doctor! They approved it for Stanford, but im having it at the childrens hospital connected to it. So i called the coordinator and told her, and she called my doctors office and took care of it! She said she recieved all of my paperwork, and the appointment for June 18th is still on. I have a strong feeling that someone's gonna drop out of their appointment(and/or reschedule)and Susan said if that happens, that im the FIRST one she'll contact and see if that day/time is good for me! Anyways, I went to weight watchers yesterday and that went fine.Except i gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks. I felt kind of dumb, but im not even acually doing the diet, im just going to the meetings to make the insurance people happy.Maybe i'll get into the mood, and want to acually do the program. I mean, i highly doubt it(lol!) but "never say never!" Anyways, im gonna go to subway.MmmMMmMMMmm. YUM! i always get the foot long turkey breast,lettuce,onions, and tomato! YUM!!!!!!! I'll write later! Bye!!!!

May,7,2004: I really want all the insurance stuff to be over, and ALL the preo-op stuff(testing and stuff) and i just want to be waiting for the day of my surgery. Unfortunatly, that wont be for another 6 or 7 months, and all because i have to go to weight watchers for 6 months. =( this sucks! but i guess i have to do it or the insurance wont cover the surgery. Anyways, i just wanted to check in and say that the conciltation on June 18th is still on! I'll update soon!!! bye!!!

May,8,04-Hi! Im bored and i just wanted to say that i forgot to tell all of you that June 18th is a big problem for me for the conciltation. I dont know if i mentioned this yet, but thats the last day of school. Well, i dont go to school(i do indipendent study) but im at my brothers school everyday volenteering(he's in kindergarden) and the whole class if like my 2nd family! And i cant not be there!!! I cant believe this! i PRAY someone cancels their appointment so i dont have to go on June 18, but if it doesnt happen, then i dont know what i'll do!!!!!! The day before the appointment, i was thinking about staying in a hotel because the place is an hour away or somthing, and i've never been there, so it'll probably take me like...3 hours! lol!! my appointment is at 8:45 in the morning, so i think it would be best to stay at a hotel the night before. But im only 17, and i dont even think they'll let teens get a hotel room. will they!??! I dont know. but i know that my dad would never let me stay at a hotel by myself in a million years!!!! i dont wanna do it anyways, but....well....i guess i'll just have to wake up at like...4 in the morning. oh my gosh, thats unheard of! lol!!!!! Anyways, i'll keep updating ofcourse!!!!!bye!!!!

May,10,2004-Hi!!!!So i just found out today that my conciltation got booted up!YAY! Now my new conciltation date is June 4!!Instead of June 18!! It got switched because...wait! you know why! i told you in the post before this one that June 18 is the last day of my brothers school, and...well just read that section in the post above this one if you havent already! But anyways, so Susan said now i get to have it June 4. OH! And she said i didnt have to bring my parents, because when it comes time for surgery, i'll already be 18, so I can sign everything and stuff!!! How exciting!!!When i turn 18 (August 30) i'll still have like....2 more months of weight watchers to go, but ill probably be done with all my pre-op testing and all that stuff! how fun!!!!!! Anyways, im SO releived that i dont have to have my mom and/or dad coming with me because they are against this, and they dont think i deserve it. they think im just some lazy girl that sits and eats all day. I really dont know why they see my like that, but....well.....its really just my dad. But my mom thinks i havent tried enough weightloss methods and i disagree, because she doesnt even know all the stuff that i've tried. So anyways, oh my gosh! im SO excited that my appointment is 2 weeks sooner, that i just HAD to come online and tell you!!!! Anyways, i just got a digital camera and am taking pictures of everything like crazy! I'll try again to put pictures on this website if i figure out how to this time! lol!!! Goodnight!!!

May,20,2004-Alright you guys, i need to think up a plan because i know my dads will NEVER let me drive to my appointment by myself. He doesnt even want me to drive out of Alameda. There NO way he'll let me drive an hour away! But im stupid cause i already told my mom that my apt. was June 4, so now i have to think up a lie and tell her it got booted back to june 18, just so she wont think its the 4th anymore, and then i can sneek off by myself early in the morning. i dont see how im gonna do that! Wow....what a big mess this is to plan going by myself. Oh my gosh....thats my dads day off too! What the F**k!?!? Im mad now! But wait...he'll still be asleep before the time i leave because i have to leave at like..7 in the morning! My appointment's at 8:45 a.m. and hour away and i really dont know how im gonna find it. I mean...im going to print out directions from mapquest, but im gonna be SOOO scared by myself. I cant even explain it.....Anyways, i'll write later! Bye!!

May,22,2004-Alright. The plan is set. I told my mom she BETTER not tell my dad that my appointment is June 4! And she said she is because she didnt want me driving an hour away by myself because ofcourse, she wants me safe. So she said check out if the train goes straight to Stanford. So i checked, and i couldnt figure all this stuff, and i was all confused, but it said it'll take 2 1/2 hours on to get there, and since my appointment is at 8:45 in the morning, um...theres NO way im getting up that early!!! So i printed out the direction going by car on Mapquest.com and showed my mom, and she said it seems pretty easy, and that i could go and she wont tell my dad that im going. You know how i help out with my brothers school everyday!? Well, if he asks, im just gonna say i have to comes early because they need help finishing setting up the stage for the talent show. Because there really is a talent show that day that im REALLY mad that i have to miss but hey, what can ya' do? Anyways, so thats the plan! My appointment is in 13 days! im so excited!!!!

May,22,2004-Alright, after i wrote the post above, my mom told me that my dad already knows my apt. is June4, and he said he's taking me wether i like it or not! They dont want me to drive alone. But i dont want him to be in there with me, and i told my mom that, and she said, "I know! I'll tell him that he cant be in there with you if you dont want him to...he supports you now..." And then i said "He doesnt support MY decision, he supports that you dont want me to drive alone!" And she said "No, he forbids it! But he see's that your surgery is gonna happen, so he supports you." So...i dont know. Im glad he's coming, but im NOT letting him in the room with me. I'll call him from to my cell phone to his when im ready to be picked up, so...thats the new plan.

April,8,2004-I have to get better at updating!!! Anyways, well,since the last post, i needed an out of network referral so i tried to get one for Dr.Jossart!But after Dr.Jossart not signing the L.O.U.(understanding of payment thing) I decided to just go with the RNY at UCSF. Healthnet approved the conciltation with Dr.Ostroff at UCSF but i just wanted DS SOOOOO bad that i said no because Dr.Patti(the surgeon) doesnt do DS! So anyways, im on the waiting list for an appointment with Dr.Ostroff(he does all the pre-op stuff)and im gonna call today to see if anyone droped off the waiting list and see if my name moved up!

April,12,2004-This lady wont call me back and she never answers her phone! Im trying to see where im at on the waiting list for a conciltation with Dr.Ostroff at UCSF!Im frusterated!

April,15,2004-Alright.Here's whats happening. I found Dr.Kazantsev who does surgery like...15 minutes away from my house. So i talked to the coordinator, and she said you had to be 18. So i asked if i could do all my pre-op stuff, and then when i turn 18(August 30,2004) then i can have the surgery. And she said she's ask dr.kazantsev, and she'd call me the next day. so i called her and she said that dr.kazantsev said that i would be better off going to an adolescent bariatric program for more "support" or somthing. I got mad. But hey, what can ya' do? Anyways, i only talked to her once a couple days ago, but now that i know that i have to have surgery there, i called her and left a message because she went on vacation until monday. So now i have to wait 4 days. I'll update what happens!!!

April,21,04-Alright. So i talked to her (Susan at Standford) and she told me to tell my PCP to send in all this stuff about me, and then when she recieves all that stuff, then she'll make an appointment for a conciltation for me. She said she thinks she can squeeze me in on June 4. I know i know, sounds like a lifetime away right now, but im ok with it because i found out i really do have to have 6 months of going to weight watchers every week in order for insurance to approve the surgery. So, im in no rush...LOL! Im starting weight watchers tomorrow for the first time. Susan said i dont have to lose any weight....thats not what the insurance people look for. She said they just want to see if you can commit or somthing....i dont know. But anyways, i'll tell you guys how it goes tomorrow!

April,24,04-WeightWatchers went by fast and it was fun and i felt like i didnt have to suck in (my stomach)alittle bit the whole time because everyone was overweight! thats why they were there ofcourse!!!Anyways, my conciltation hasnt approved yet, but my doctors office said it should be approved by Monday or Tuesday next week.So like..the 27th. OH! And i got a conciltation date! June 18,2004. Im ok with that(as i said in the post above this one) because i need 6 months of weight watchers anyways, so i dont have to rush for everything.So its kind of ok. Anyways, i'll tell you guys when i get the authorization number(get it approved) I'm going to bed.(its 2:30 a.m. I was tired because i took a long nap this afternoon, but now im kind of tired!) So anyways, goodnight!

March,14,2004-Well, alot has happend! I got approved for a conciltation at UCSF, but found out they ONLY do RNY there. I want DS. So i called all of the surgeons in Healthnet and they said that they dont do DS. NOone in Healthnet does!!! So now we sent out an our of network referral about 2 weeks ago! They said they would DEFINITLY have an answer like...4 or 5 days ago, and when i call, alta bates said they didnt even have anything in their computer about it!!!I dont know whats going on!!!!!!Im gonna be better about posting on here!!! I'll write monday and tell you what happens!!!!!!

February 7,2004- The referral guy at my PCP's office said HealthNet wont approve my conciltation with the surgeon until i have my appointment with the nutritionist! How unfair! Anyways, my apt.'s on feb.10th so i'll tell you what happens!!

Feb.17,2004-Well, the nutritionist apt. went well. She said she'd write a report on our meeting, and fax it to my doctors office, and i just got word today that she'll be sending it in tomorrow morning. So i'll tell you what happends!!

1-11-2004= Well, Tomorrow is my appointment with my PCP. I'm getting nervous because she could say yes to a referral, but then again, she could say no. =(. Can someone pray for me that she doesnt say no and that all goes perfect!??!? Thankyou!!!I'll write tomorrow after my apoointment and tell you all what happens!!!!(If anyone wants to check out a little article about Carnie Wilson on Oprah, the website is
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_past_20010329_b.jhtml

1-12-2004= It was So bad, I dont even want to talk about it!!!!But i have to go back wendsday(the 14th) And my PCP said that she'd call Dr.Jossart and talk to him about me, and that she'd find surgeons who do DS in the insurance plan "Network". I cried so much! I just couldnt keep it in! Even infront of her! It was rediculously horrible. I hope things are MUCH better by Wednsday. I told my PCP "You know what?! I might as well just pay for the surgery myself because this is rediculous!" Can more people pray for me that it goes well this wendsday?! I know everything happens for a reason, but i just hate the dissapointment feeling when the bad stuff happens first.(to leed up to the good stuff) I'll write on wednsday and tell you again what happens! PRAY THAT ALL GOES WELL PLEASE!!!!!!!!

1-24-2004- WOW! Im sorry i havent written in a while....well...no im not, cause im sure no one even reads these.lol! Anyways, sence my last post, i've made an appointment with a nutritionist because thats one of the requirments for Healthnet to cover this surgery.My apt. with the nutritionist is Febuary 10th at 2:00p.m. Which i think is dumb, because i know what im SUPPOSE to be eating, but what im suppose to do, and what i acually do, is a world of difference. I'm just completly addicted to food. Anyways, even to have a conciltation with the surgeon, I need authorization from HealthNet. So the "Referral guy" at my doctors office sent in everything to healthnet by fax i think, and that was friday. (Yesterday) He said it could take till monday, or it could take till wednsday. He said if i dont hear anything before wednsday, then call him and check-up and stuff.Alright, i'll write when i hear somthing!