Haven't posted in almost 3 months.  I think that is mainly because I've stopped coming to OH.  I was annoyed about the MeltingMama "scandal" for awhile, although now I just feel like everyone (on both sides!!) needs to chill out and stop causing so much drama.  Why the drama? I mean, jeez.

Another reason I haven't been around is because I don't feel like this is really the community for me.  As an unmarried woman who gags whenever she sees "DH", and has no intention of producing any "DD' or "DS"...well I am having a hard time being interested in this place.  It's not meant as a criticism of anyone in particular, but obviously we all have different interests and mine don't really seem to be represented here very well.

I am now down to 264 lbs, which means I'm officially in the Century Club although I don't know if I'll bother to ask for my card.  I have been dealing with a mother of a stall.  I hadn't lost anything for a good two weeks.  Also I frankly have become very lax with everything.  I am still taking my vitamins, drinking my 64oz of water most days, eating my prunes, drinking my protein shake with flaxseed...but when I am not doing those things I am pretending that I am normal again.  Coffee? Sure thing, but a non-SF mocha would be nicer...  Cookie? Well, don't mind if I do... 

I don't dump on moderate amounts of sugar or fat.  High concentrations of sugar make me sleepy and irritable, which is technically dumping, although not the GI type.  I have said from the get-go that I never wanted to be a food Nazi.  I want to go back to leading a normal-ish life someday, just with my weight reset to a better number and some physical barriers that will keep me from eating too much.  But I am now beginning to realize that it's not that simple.  With the coffee, in particular, I've reverted to my pre-op ways.  Yea, it's a small skim mocha instead of a huge full fat white mocha, but I still drink one every day if I can.  The coffee was the hardest thing to give up pre-op and I can see why.  Why is that my comfort food?  It might be because I can't eat others...although i think about them all of the time.  Lately it's been a peanut butter sandwich...heh.

I went to lunch with the Oakdale coffee group a few months ago and I felt that was really interesting, not just because they were cool people but also because...they drank soda, from straws!  They ate carbs!  I think that was my first realization that we all have to learn to live with the surgery in a way that makes sense for us as individuals.

Clothingwise I am still in 24s although they are loose now.  I think I could get into 22s except my belly is the slowest-shrinking part of me.  I have a pair of 26 pants I bought at walmart that have yet to fit (weird), I need to go check if they fit yet.

Oh yea, and with the prunes, and flaxseed, and higher carb intake...my GI tract is behaving again, yay.

372 Highest
365 Pre-op
339 Surgery
264 Today

I am closing in on 3 months since surgery.  I'm currently at 292 lbs and I am hoping to lose 3 more by the 29th.  That would mean I've lost 50 lbs since surgery.  I have been really worrying that I am not losing fast enough and constantly comparing myself to other people on the boards.  However, we're all different and I know that I shouldn't compare, but I can't help it.  When I feel down, I remind myself that I lost 26 lbs pre-op.  It seems like most people lost maybe 10 lbs on their liquid diets, if that...so I think I just lost the easy stuff before surgery and therefore didn't get the immediate loss that other people did.  I remind myself that if I count it all together I've lost 73 pounds.

It seems like recently, it's really obvious that I've lost weight.  People have been commenting on it at work and elsewhere.  I picked up some Thai food for dinner tonight and the lady who works there was stunned...I haven't seen her much in the last few months (a good thing!) and she could really tell.  That made me feel so good even if did lie and say it was "diet and exercise."

I struggled a few weeks ago with some of my food choices but I think I've figured it out.  I've had bread, and rice, and stuff, and since I didn't puke, I thought it meant I could tolerate it.  But then I would get pain and be uncomfortable.  So duh - no, I couldn't tolerate it after all!  Low carb wraps don't bother me, nor does rice, or whole grain pasta.  Bread seems to, so I either don't eat it or only have a bite.  I'm also pleased to find out that chicken goes down well...I was having some pain issues and was afraid I'd have to avoid chicken, but it seems fine now.  Eating slowly is probably the hardest thing for me right now. 

Now that eating seems more normal, BLuR and I are going to start our monthly dinner out again.  I'll just be careful and take most of it home.

I have a slew of work trips coming up which is a mixed blessing.  I am not as concerned as I once was about flying. Most people (like my boss) know about the surgery and won't put me on the spot when I don't eat much, and we always end up at pretty generic restaurants because one of my coworkers has some dietary restrictions, so finding something to eat should be pretty easy.  Figuring out how to get my protein in might be a challenge.   I can take New Whey vials if I don't want to do the shake deal, I guess.  And it's a total bummer that I can't drink yet because I like a glass of wine on the company dime.

Gosh I have alot to say tonight.  The clothing thing has been my obsession lately.  I started out in 32/34 in pants, 30/32 in tops because of my belly (not boobs..I wish).  I got some size 28 pants and they are already loose.  Right now I am in some nice LB jeans, size 26!  And I have two pairs of 24s which I expect to wear in a few weeks.  They button, but the waists are tight.  I have some 22/24 shirts that fit already too.  Its been so long since I was a regular plus size that I am amazed at how many more stores sell them now.  I feel like I can shop just about anywhere now.

Since I'm feeling smaller and stuff, I have also been feeling more social.  I went to a Meetin gathering this week and had a really good time.  I am going to a mixer next week too.  It's been so long since I had my own friends, I hope I find some people to hang out with. 

365 pre-op
339 day of surgery
292 today

My weight loss is so slow right now and I don't understand it.  After my stall ended and I lost a bunch of weight in one week, it has stopped coming off.  I did meet one mini-goal just this week and I am now under 300 lbs. Also, I had a WOW moment when I visited my parents and didn't need an extender on the airplane.  That really rocked.

Still I am concerned about the slow loss.  I know that many people have the same concerns.  But I read a post from a lady who had stopped at 220 and was happy with that.  I don't want to still be fat after this. 

Maybe the exercise component is what is lacking. I am having a lot of trouble getting started with the exercise.  Part of it is the transportation issue - if I am running late at work, then Blur comes to pick me up, and I end up skipping because I don't have enough time.  He says I can tell him what's up but it's just such a hassle to do.  I wish I could be in better control of my own schedule but that will necessitate getting another car, and I don't think we want to deal with that expense right now.

I am trying to get my courage up to meet with a physical trainer at the gym to get a program set up.  Maybe that will help.

365 pre-op
339 day of surgery
298 today

I guess my stall is over because I had dropped several pounds when I weighed on Monday.  I have even lost another pound or so since then.  Yay!

On the other hand I just had to force myself to vomit.  It's only the third time I've done that.  THe other two times were clearly from eating too fast and I've learned to slow things down quite a bit.  I don't know what it was this time.  I had some popcorn, then had my calcium chews.  I became increasingly uncomfortable.  Maybe I was too full.

Interestingly, I have tolerated just about everything I've eaten so far.  The times I have vomited were due to discomfort rather than the "coming back up" pouch-rejection that I hear other people talk about.  It seems that for me, if I eat something that I don't tolerate well, I get pouch pain but most of the time it just passes.  Obviously I try to avoid those foods that cause pain.  Turkey lunchmeat doesn't seem to work well for me...I can eat it slowly, but today I had some pain from it, and frankly it doesn't taste good to me.  Ham, on the other hand, goes down easy, especially with some cream cheese on it. 

So yea, I think turkey is one of the few things that I will probably avoid unless it's very moist.  Also I had a tough meatball once that was painful (vomit #2) but seriously, those cafeteria people at work just don't know how to make a meatball.  It was like rubber, I should have just thrown it away.

A lady at work mentioned my weight loss today.  She doesn't know about the surgery and commented on it.  She was at the same lunch meeting as me, too, and I wonder if she saw me eat a few shreds of meat off of the boxed-lunch sandwich and thinks something is wrong.  I just told her it was "hard work"!

On the work front I will have five work trips to take over a 3 month period.  At this point I'm worried that I will outgrow the size 28 pants that I JUST bought by then and have to buy nice work clothes again. 

365 pre-op
339 surgery
306 today

I guess I haven't posted any updates in 3 weeks.  Things have been quite hectic.  First, I went to the ER on February 24 with an irregular heartbeat.  My heart was racing up to 190 and I was in atrial fibrillation.  After some unsuccessful drugs they "cardioverted" me - i.e. they shocked me to get my heart back in rhythm.  I had to stay over night.  They did not find a cause for the issue...no blood clot, no structural defect, no electrolyte imbalance.  I am now taking Toprol to make sure I stay in rhythm.  I saw my PCP this week and she checked my EKG and electrolytes again then suggested I see a cardiologist to see if there's anything else I should do.  I don't want to stay on the Toprol.  It is having some undesirable effects, namely blunting adrenaline response.  I played my violin in an orchestra concert on March 9 and I didn't get the rush I normally do...so sad. 

Other than that, the big news has been the big stall.  I KNOW that everyone goes through this at about the same point but it does suck.  First I am feeling like I am not losing fast enough because I only lost about 30 lbs. since surgery and so many others lost that in like a week.  Then I have been seriously stuck for two weeks.  I was drinking two protein shakes a day for awhile, that didn't do much.   I guess I have to keep doing the right things and wait it out.

So, yea...I did order some new pants because I was tired of my pants falling off.  I bought a belt too but most of my pants don't have belt loops. 

365 Pre-surgery
339 Day of surgery
309 Today