Ok, I honestly did not expect this to be rainbows and lollipops but I didn't think it would be this hard for me.  I thought I was so prepared after the 6 months of classes through Kaiser, support groups, and utilizing this web site.  I really thought I was going to be the one that just breezed through this with little difficulty and stayed skinny forever.  Ok, my almost 4 month reality check......  I have lost 86 pounds but I am fighting for them.  I want to eat all day long and everything that I did before.  I have started running and I fight with my head constantly that I can't eat.  Sometimes my head wins and I eat more than I should or things that I shouldn't even touch and on occasion I throw them up because I've eaten too much or I've eating somthing that I feel guilty about.  I am going to make an appointment with Kaiser and I'm going to stop hiding in the shadows on this site.  I need to own up to what I am doing and stop it before it becomes my eating habits.  I need to be in control of this disease and live the life that I wanted this surgery for.  To be the best mom and wife that I can.  Starting this destructive pattern is not ok and I will not allow myself to continue this behavior.  I need counseling and help with this depression.  I need to get in control!!!!