yes the other day i got on the scale and i am at goal... yay me but ugh... cuz i dont feel like i have gotten there the healthy way.. i am back to struggling really bad with being able to eat anything without it hurting really bad and/or throwing up... sometimes i find i go try to throw up cuz it hurts too much other wise... thats the stuff i should be eating... i end up eating sugary things and dont always react cuz i think my sugar is so low that i need it... and i can eat chips... and pretzels.. and cheese and pb... that is about what my diet is down to... and drinking shit loads of milk...  so have to call the dr again and see if they think i have another stricture.. .but im sooo over all this stuff.. i also have gallstones.. but they dont have to do anything about them right now, but diet sure isnt helping them... so yay me but ugh at the same time...

So I am a bit over 6 months out.. and was and i guess still am doing good.. i hit 100lbs lost a week or two ago, and have lost a couple more lbs since... nothing is coming off as drastic as it was in the beginning though.  Which i never planned for it to keep up like that, nor is it good for the body... I used to feel great as the weight was coming off and i was buying new clothes that were smaller, shorter a lil sexier looking, but i have gotten into this spot mentally where i feel aweful about how i look, especially when im not dressed... i can not stand seeing myself in the mirrors and am getting back to where i am glad to wear baggy clothes and not be seen by people.  Its frustrating cuz i was really enjoying it and how i was feeling and looking but now i feel like i am back to feeling how i did or a little worse than before surgery... everything sags and flops and smacks together if you move just right (eww). I have an absolutely nasty scar that even the surgeon saw the other day and doesnt like... he says i will need a scar revision where they basically go and cut around the current scar, remove it and resew it shut in hopes that it will heal better this time... of course in my mind there is always the chance it will heal the same or worse, although i dont think it can get any worse.  I can stand touching or anyone touching my stomach, it doesnt actually hurt but it mentally hurts.  The scar if i remember right he said developed a.... crap i dont remember what he called it... but its hard, and sticks up and its just grose... he doesnt know why exactly other than one of two things either that is how my body heals to large cuts or i had some type of reaction to the sutures he used inside (ontop of the glue that they used on the outside coming off right after surgery)... the only thing i still see and love about all the weight loss is my legs... well up until the top they are skinny and frankly sexy... but get to high and its all droopy and wrinkly and eww.. my arms are nasty, my boobies moved a little but they stopped thank god, so cant complain too much there... but then things like every month when i get my period omg i am soooo tired, i will fall asleep at lights, and sleep all day and night, i cant wake up...i dont know if i become anemic or what goes on, but i literally cant function for a couple days... i eat like a freaking pig and an always hungry no matter how much i eat.  Im on the birthcontrol for the PCOS.  But at one point here the last couple months i was constantly having my period and then it would go  away and start again a few days later... i dont know if its from all the weight loss or the pcos, it didnt matter that i was smack in the middle of the birthcontrol pills where i shouldnt have been getting it.  but it seems to have stopped... I hurt my knee a couple weeks ago, i had a bad knee to begin with but since i lost weight it hasnt hurt at all and i have not been wearing the knee brace that i have for it (custom fit from when i was fat)... plus it doesnt fit now that my legs are skinnier... but i was rough housing with some kiddos (glad to) and my knee popped just right and omg i thought i was going to die... so i have had to rig the brace, tighten the straps as much as possible and wear it almost all the time... even when sleeping, so that had added to my stress and everything.  I have an appointment with my therapist in the morning because i feel like the meds im on are not cutting it anymore... i have been on effexor for years... the extended release, then becuase of surg it got changed to regular release... and i was doing fine, but the last few weeks i feel like i barely make it to the next dose without freaking out and feeling like im withdrawing from them twice a day... i dont know what thats about, weather im not absorbing them, or whether there is something else from the surg going on, but it worries me and im not sure where to start with it all... i havent had my 6 month blood work yet but need to get it done... my knees and legs bruise all the time now from the littlest things but the surgeon just blew me off that it was nothing... even though with the tired and moody and bruising i think something is off in my labs like my iron or something... so idk... i guess at this point i wait and see what comes of tommorrow and try to get my lab work done just needed to bitch for a moment...

me this last week or so... im down 100lbs, when im dressed im feeling very good about myself, when im not dressed i have found that i am struggling really hard, harder than i think i ever have with how i look, i saw my surgeon for my 6month (also the first i've seen him since surgery) and he didnt like how my scar looks... thinks i had an allergic reaction to the sutures inside so in another 3 months or so he wants me to look at coming in and having a scar revision done... im all for it if it works, but that also means it could be 100 worse than it is... im just really struggling with this scar... and things are sagging... and floppy and just ew... so clothes on im loving it, my legs are HOT... and everyone keeps tellng me that, i bought my first mini skirt the other day and wore it out and omg it was awesome! if anyone has any ideas on what to do about scaring and sagging please jump in and say something, im willing to listen to any ideas...

woooot 100lbs+

i think that says it all... got on the scale today, i have reached the 100lbs mark!!! only 16 more lbs to go to goal :)wooohhoooo

ok so i tried alcohol the other night when i was out and omg it was a blast!!! it takes nothinggg to get drunk... but the better part is it wears off superrrr quick (like 20 mins most) and there is no hang over! ... but literally sipsss and your feeling tipsy, more sips and done for... im kinda a light weight or was pre-op, and wasnt a big drinker didnt like the taste, but i guess one of those taste buds that changed was to alcohol... oiy