Although i ams till consistently losing weight I still am just hating the hell out of my body. Most of all what I hate is what my body has done my mind, my spirit, and my life as a whole. Dammit if I were never this big to begn the self esteem wouldn't be so low and I wouldn't put up witht he shit that I do. Living in this body has made me weak and has made a person who I don't like very much emerge. I judt accpet all kind of bullshit from my current bf and the guys i have dated before him cause it is really difficult to even get a man to be interested in me. I'm sittin here unhappy wih this relationship to avoid be unhappy alone :(. I really think if I were the ideal looks wise this wouldn't be as much as a problem for me as it is now. I really hope the freakin weight loss speeds up some more,lol even though it is already rapid. Well atleast to where I can actually see a diff. It is like what the hell 77 lbs and I can't see a diff. Insane.
Hmmm I am wondering if my scale is broken. I am in total disbelief of 67 lbs weight loss in 3 months and one week. I mean 67lbs. I dont know what scale to trust either...lol. My scale at home the weight watchers one says 285 while the old school back in the day scale (the one that you have to slide the thingy over until it balances) at work says like 299. Thats a big diff!!! I notice that stepping on the scale in the mornings I am lighter as opposed to steppin on the scale after I have eaten something, but that is a significant difference in numbers. i just really wanna know my true weight dammit! I know said I would stop weighing myself everyday but I have read some studies that show that women who step on the scale more often than women who don't tend to lose more weight because they are more motivated to work hard to change that number on the scale. A little extra stress might be added on but the thing is we work out more and we eat healthier and change bad habits if we dont see the scale moving or its is moving but in the wrong direction. And to me what makes sense is the more you see that number you wanna change (by constantlly stepping on the scale) the more exercising and eating healthier you do! But anyway who knows how much I weigh,lol. All I know is that I have lost a significant amount of weight. Picturesof me at mardi gras will be coming soon, I just have to get them developed.