No one ever really tells me that I'm pretty. I've always heard "you'd be so pretty if ONLY you would lose weight"...and that type of thing. My dad is the worst offender. He means well, but those comments are like arrows into my heart and then that makes me want to eat more. Most of the time, I think I have my act together; but when it comes to eating and my weight, I know I am very complicated. Oh, so very!

When I was a size 16-18 (many, many years ago) I was a plus-sized model for a brief time. I did it part-time. I was the manager of a plus-sized clothing store and an agent came in, saw me and asked me if I was interested. Well, I sorta was intrigued; I had never thought of myself in that way. Long story...I did my portfolio and started hearing that this woman was notorious for not paying her models. So I went to another agency and they hired me on the spot. But it was hard to work a lot of the hours they needed me, plus it was an hour's drive (or more) to get to the shoots. So the money was good; but not steady enough to keep me doing it for long. But it did one thing, it taught me how to pose. But I really prefer to be behind the camera. I'm quite the shutterbug. I document everything (to the annoyance of my friends)! LOL

I am new here and will be writing more as my WLS "voyage" continues. I am currently 51 years old and happily married for 32 years. Luckily, my husband is a wonderful person who is very committed, understanding and willing to go through this with me. I currently weigh 354 pounds. Ouch! It hurts to admit that. 

I've always been a very outgoing person; yet emotionally, I tend to be a private person. I keep a lot in and don't share with anyone except my hubby. Once you get to know me, you can't shut me up though! Nor can you stop me from taking photos! I document everything!

As I prepare to lose weight, I am trying to be more open and honest about everything in my life, especially my size and weight. So bear with me as I "peel off my layers" and write about my weight loss journey.  

Hello! This is my first post, so I may babble a bit. 

I am 51 years old and just beginning this exciting and daunting new part of my life. I have been overweight significantly since I was 20 or 21 years old. And in advance of my first appointment with the psychiatrist next week, I have been exploring why I think I am fat.

I was born and raised in the South...land of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits and light rolls. Two women I loved and respected the most in my life (so far) were my mother-in-law and my grandmother. And boy, could they cook!!! And boy, did I eat. Hmmm. My mouth is watering just thinking of sitting in their kitchens for Sunday dinners and all the other meals in between. So although intellectually I want to deny that I am an emotional eater...my heart and stomach ache for one of their delicious home-cooked meals. But I'm not 100% sure that it is the food I crave. 

In retrospect, I realize that it is the love and the feelings I felt when I was around them that I miss the most. And since they have both passed away, maybe by eating, I'm really trying to get back to that point in some odd way.

They were both very Southern women. My mother-in-law was very country, a real talker. She was the ultimate hostess. Although her house was small and cramped, you always knew you were welcome in her home. My grandmother was petite, humble and less outgoing. But her heart was lined with gold. She was one of the finest people you could ever know. I look quite a bit like her. And people who have known both of us, say I am a lot like her in many ways. 

Inspiring, sweet, caring, thoughtful, intelligent. Both women helped shape who I am (and not just with the food they served). I am very proud to have known them and been loved by them. I never felt more accepted than I did when I was with them.  I hope they both knew how much I loved them back.

Anyway, I know I have a lot of layers to dig through in the coming weeks. And I look forward to reading more of your posts and your stories. I do know that none of us are alone. I'd love to hear from all of you! And I'll respond as my work schedule allows.

Thanks for listening, or should I say reading???

P.S. I'll also try to get some photos posted this week. I don't have many full-figure ones at this time, so I'll get those up as time allows.