I posted the below blog entry on a post.  Thought I should put it here for future reference.  Thought I should post an update.

Since Friday, 5/23/08, I've been trying to better my eating, exercise and get back on track.  Of the 7 pounds I gained, I've only lost 2.  Still at 255.  All the extra carbs have got the hunger demon grumbling in my belly.  But it's much better today than it was yesterday.  Carbs really are the devil and play a huge factor in the levels of hunger we feel.  

I am starting to feel better.  I could physically feel the effects of the water retention and I feel it start to subside.  

My level of activity still isn't where I want it to be, but I guess you have to start somewhere, right?  All weekend, I was up and moving.  For Memorial Day, yesterday, we were hardly in the house.  We got a little blow up pool for the girls and I sat out and worked on my tan...  Got to sweat out some of that excess fluid too...  Man was it hot!!!  Cutting the grass, dancing with the girls, weights and crunches with my husband....  I feel it was a really productive weekend.  I'm a bit dissapointed that the extra isn't coming off as fast as I'd like, but I guess it's a good punishment.  A lesson needed to be learned.

I wish losing this last hundred was as easy as losing the first 175.  It just feels like all of a sudden it's such hard work.  I mean, I knew it wasn't going to be easy...  but you just kinda get used to watching the scale go down without much effort.  

I know what I need to do though.  And I'm working on changing my lifestyle up again.  It's time, too.  I've been sedintary for far too long.  Being this way is what helped me get to the point where I was.  It's time for another drastic change.

I just keep thinking that if I could get a bike, it would be easier.  But I don't want to sit around and do nothing until that time comes.  But at the same time, I want that time to be now...  We are also looking at getting a Wii with the Wii Fit.  My husband and I both think that if we can make exercise more fun then we would be more inclined to do it.  But not just do it, but do it often and stick with it longer.  We played his sis-in-law's Wii a few months ago and I remember how much fun it was and how sore we were for the few days after.  But all of that will have to wait till we get our stimulus package toward the end of June.

I guess that's all the update I've got for now. 

I know I posted about getting my butt back into gear last week...  but even after I posted, I still couldn't get motivated.  I knew the scale was creeping back up.  I could feel it.  But I didn't do anything about it.  I sat down with my bag of sunflower seeds and proceded to eat 3/4th of the entire bag in one sitting.  This was one of those big bags!  When I realized how many I had eaten, I was just sick to my stomach...  How could I let myself do that?  How could I consciously allow myself to go back to doing something that I used to do 1 year ago?  It was easier than I thought.

Since I got back from my trip to arizona, I just kinda let things slip.  Then I had that trip to Florida for my sister-in-law's wedding and of course our favorite thing to do on road trips is to eat sunflower seeds.  I justified it by saying that I would need the water retention so I wouldn't get dehydrated so easily...  boy am I stupid for believing that...  All it did was open a whole can of worms.  I had found something that I could sit and eat for HOURS without feeling the restriction...  (giving myself a stupid slap)

Of course, the excess sodium and carbs have made me feel hungrier than I was, so I started eating more often...  snacking...  grazing...

Before I knew it, I had gained 7 pounds.

In just a matter of a few weeks too...  Friday morning when I saw 257 on the scale, I just wanted to scream, tear my hair out, throw something...  I was just soooooo angry with myself.  I could see what I was doing.  I knew it...  I posted about it...  I just chose not to do anything about it.  So Friday, I made myself go up and down the stairs while things were slow.  Limited the carbs, cut out some of the snacks... Yesterday, I REALLY limited the carbs and mowed the lawn.  This morning, I was back down to 255.  I'm planning on mowing the back yard this morning and attempting to stick with protein shakes and maybe a South Beach meal for either lunch or dinner.  But shakes the rest of the day.

I take total responsibility for the choices that I made.  I realize that they were really bad ones and for all the wrong reasons.  

We are human and definitely not infallible.  We are flawed...  and even more so because of our constant feelings of failure throughout the years when it comes to our weight and losing it.  But I wanted you all to know this because not once (this time) have I felt like a failure.  I did at the beginning, feel like I would be the only failure at this...  but I think that's something that we have all felt.  But now that I'm in it, I refuse to actually BE a failure.  Sure I've been disapointed with myself...  but never felt like a failure...  EVEN when I managed to gain 7 pounds...  

This was a decision that we all made consciously and informatively...  We knew the risks...  we took that leap.  Don't let your past failures (or lack of successes) dictate how you live this new life!  We have been given the chance to start over...  Be it...  Live it...  Own it...  It's yours for the taking.

I believe in the Sleeve!