I can't believe that half a year has gone by!!!  Every day that I live with the DS, I truly understand how messed up my body/metabolism was.  After my regain, I would force myself to get back on track by cutting the carbs and sticking with protein.  My body would resist EVERY TIME!  No matter how many times I tried, I would fight to lose and I never lost any more than 18 pounds...  Sure, 18 lb loss is great...  if you are 140 lbs...  But for someone who is super morbidly obese, 18 lbs is nothing.  18 lbs is like taking a really good dump...  lol!

But in 6 months, going from 353 down to 267, my mind is officially blown!  I can't tell you how long I fought to get back under 300 lbs.  All I can say is that I wish I had done this sooner.  I've said it before and I'm sure I'll keep saying.  Out of all the fears I had about revising to the DS, the biggest one was the commitment to taking the vitamins.  I've never been good about taking medication.  My biggest problem was consistency.  I'm so inconsistent...  I knew that my life would depend on me being consistent and I couldn't make that promise.  I know myself all too well!  But...  Honestly...  if I can consistently make sure I'm eating 3 meals a day, then I can consistently make sure that my vitamins are taken with each of those meals too.  It was just about getting into a routine and sticking with it.  And I've done it!  I made a promise to myself and my husband that I would take my vitamins consistently and I have.  That is such a huge thing for me!!! 

I must say that I was scared that this wouldn't work for me.  I still have that fear in the back of my mind.  Am I shooting for a goal weight that is unrealistic for me?  I don't know.  I just have to keep making the right choices and using my tool to see where it takes me.  But all I really want to focus on is being healthy.  Eating the right foods to encourage my health and weight loss.  Moving my body to tone and build some muscle.  Keep taking my vitamins.  Where ever I end up is where I end up.  That might be a year from now or 10 years from now.  The more I think about getting to my "goal" weight and when it will happen, the more fear I feel.  I don't want to live in fear...  I just want to live.  So I will take this journey one day at a time....  Since that's all that matters anyway. 

=)

Wow!  These last 4 months have been crazy!  It's been 2 months since I last updated!!!  Time really flies!

I made my New Year's goal and hit 299 on New Year's Eve!  My reward was a hair make-over!  Bye bye black and HELLO RED! 

As of today, my weight is 287.  That's a loss of 66 lb's!  My rate of loss is slightly faster than when I was sleeved.  I've lost about 31% of my excess weight since the DS.  By 4 months out with the sleeve, I was down 30%.  I'm really hoping I can keep up this pace.  I'm very pleased with 10 lb's a month.  I managed to pull off 10 lb's a month for the first 11 months post-sleeve.  If I can mirror that, then that would be fantastic!!!

Because of the gluten intolerance, I don't think I'll fall back into the same bad habits that caused me to begin gaining with the sleeve.  I avoid those foods like the plague now and cannot make exceptions for any reason!  I'm loving the negative reinforcement that I get and really wish I'd done the DS back in 07!!!  But like I've said before...  I learned a lot of lessons about myself and my body after the sleeve.  I needed to be in a better place to be able to comprehend everything that I need to do to make sure I'm successful this time around.  I'm definitely in a much better place now!!!

I'm looking forward to see what the next few months will bring.  I'm so ready to get back down to my lowest weight and hopefully not have to fight and struggle to get lower.  236 is the magic number...  I never got lower than that with the sleeve and I really fought to stay there...  but it just didn't happen.   Only 51 lb's away...  Hopefully I'll be there by July! 

Taking things one day at a time, though...  Working on the little things, setting goals and making changes each week!  The momentum is inspiring!!!

 

 

Yesterday I made 8 weeks post-op after being switched.  I have lost 43 pounds since I started the 2 week pre-op liquid diet!!!  And 115 pounds down from my all time highest weight!!!  So far, everything has been good.  As the weight comes off again, I am starting to have more energy.  My coworkers are noticing which makes me feel good because I certainly don't see it!!!  My clothes fit better which is fantastic!  I did not want to have to start ordering from catalogs again...

 

My eating has been good.  During researching the DS, I found that it was very common for DSers to become gluten intollerant.  So since my revision, I've avoided anything containing gluten.  Until this week!  My husband had a christmas party and I baked 200 cookies for the party.  I had 2 small cookies and a tablespoon full of the dough.  4 days later and I'm still feeling the effects!  Definitely no gluten for me!!!  That is probably the best thing that has ever happened, though.  Bread (and bread products... cake, cookies, etc...) is my kryptonite!!!  Last night we took the girls out for ice cream...  no problems passing that up.  Makes me sick as a dog!  Lesson learned a long time ago.  But the cookie was a new lesson.  Not testing that theory out again!!!  Lesson definitely learn there now too!  lol!

 

My husband wants me to set some goals.  He wants me to anticipate what weight I will be when...  I did this after being sleeved and only discouraged myself when I never made those goals.  So I'm torn.  I love the idea of having something to work toward.  But I know my body doesn't respond to the work I put into it like it does for other people... at least it doesn't respond the way I want it to on the scale.  I think if I keep doing everything right, the weight will come off when it comes off.  Of course I want it to all come off now, but that's not realistic... =)

 

So weight....  This morning I was 310 lbs.  I do have a goal of being under 300 by the beginning of the year.  I'd like to start 2013 off back in the 200's.  I'm not far from it and I've got 25 days to do it...  I'm fairly sure it'll be doable.  Just no more slip-ups and christmas dinner will have to be straight protein.  No more snacking on Aunt Annie's pretzels in the mall while I'm shopping.  And even though I'm busy and out and about every night of the week...  that's no excuse to indulge on fast food every night...  even though you think you are making good choices...  it's fast food...  nothing is good about it.  =)

 

I hope everyone stays on track and enjoys their holidays!!!  I'll update again in January!!!

It's been right at 3 years since I last updated my blog.  There's so much to update on...  all the things I did wrong...  I looked back at all my old blog posts and read through each one.  I could see where I started to get more lenient with my diet and how I started making excuses.  Either way, at almost 5.5 years out from my sleeve, I went from my lowest weight of 236 all the way back up to 353.  As I read through each one of those posts, I wanted to cry when I remembered how life was when I'd finally reached those weights that I'm hovering around now.  Starting out at 425, reaching the 350's was such a big milestone.  To be back there again was a nightmare. 

I've been struggling to maintain my weight loss since December 2008.  I gained from 236 to 250-260 and then fought to lose again back down to 236.  But when I got there for the 2nd time...  I just couldn't continue doing what it took to stay there.  Mentally...  Physically...  Emotionally...  Hit after hit after hit...  2009 was a rough year and the scale showed it.  2010 was a rough year and 2011 was even rougher...  

As a means for coping with all the stress, I returned to some bad habits.  And I justified it ...  I can no longer eat the fully loaded double whopper, king size fries, 40 oz rootbeer, and an extra double stacker.  Instead I can eat 1/2 a regular whopper and a regular sized order of fries... 

Instead of a whole large pizza, I can have 2 slices.

Instead of a taco salad, mexican pizza, and 2 large burritos...  I can eat the taco salad.

But NONE of these things should be included in my diet!!!  They never should have made their way back into my diet either. 

So for 3 years, allowing these small exceptions, I gained 117 of the 189 pounds I had fought so hard to lose.  Had I not done something about it, I probably would have gained more.

About 2 years ago, I started looking into a revision to the Duodenal Switch.  I had a hard time finding a surgeon in Louisiana and talked myself out of it.  I convinced myself that if I buckled down, I could lose the weight again.  This is where the yo-yo cycles started again.  Lose 15 - gain 25...  lose 10 - gain 20...  on and on and on and on...................  Until I finally got to the point where I just had to stop with the dieting and just eat...  The weight kept coming on, but not as fast as after I was coming off a diet.

At the beginning of this year, I started seriously thinking about revising to the DS.  My sister was getting married in April and no matter how much I dieted, the weight just didn't want to come off.  As soon as I got home, I scheduled my consultation with Dr. Garth Davis in Houston. 

May 23, 2012 was my consultation date.  I weighed in at 345.  The consult went great.  They did an upper GI and he said my sleeve still looked great!  Perfect size for the DS.  Within a week of having all the requirements met, I got the approval from my insurance company.  A few weeks later, we scheduled the date for 10/11/12.

A few weeks after that, we were moving our office to a new location and I fell and broke my ankle.  I was stuck in a cast for 6 weeks.  I worked from home and tried to keep busy so I wouldn't gain and I did fairly well.  At my pre-op appointment 2 weeks before surgery which was about 5 weeks after I got my cast off, I was at 353. 

I started a 2 week liquid diet to prepare for my surgery.  I lost 16 pounds.  When they weighed me at the hospital for my revision, I was 337.

This morning, I am back down to 329.  1.5 weeks out from my DS revision.  Recovery is going well.  I'm staying hydrated which is something I struggled with this early out with the sleeve.  My sleeve shrunk dramatically from the liquid diet and the abdominal swelling...  It's great to have nice restriction again. 

I feel like I'm starting all over again.  But I have to remember that I have something to offer still.  I have 5+ years of experience with my sleeve and a wonderful story about what NOT to do...  

Even through all of it, I might not have been 100% - 100% of the time...  but I never gave up.  

I will NEVER regret getting the sleeve.  I learned so much about myself and my body in those 5+ years.  I never would have learned that if I hadn't gone down that road.  Had I done the DS first, I might have learned those lessons after it was too late and there was nothing left to revise to.  I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and in it's own time and place.  So again...  I will never regret my sleeve.  It is a fantastic tool.  It got me farther than I could have ever imagined.

If I had to give any advice to newbies...  I'd say make sure you do your research.  Figure out what surgery will be best for your body.  I'm a firm believer that the sleeve on it's own is designed for people with less than 150 pounds to lose.  If you fall into this category, you have the greatest chance at reaching a normal BMI within 12-15 months after surgery.  If you have more than 150 to lose...  you have to be realistic.  It's not impossible.  But it will take a LIFETIME of sacrifice and hard work in the gym.  No cutting corners and no excuses.  Also, I believe that excess skin removal will play a huge role in long-term success especially for the heavyweights. 

This is just my experience and what I have seen that has worked for so many others. 

Everyone's journey is unique and only you can determine how successful you will be.  Any surgery is just a tool and cannot work on its own.  I have a second chance to make this work and I don't plan to squander it away. 

 I am never one to be a negative nancy or a debbie downer...  I hate airing out my dirty laundry and listing all my struggles.  But I think it's time I put it all out there.  I know there are MANY of you who are struggling too and it's time we put a voice to those struggles and resolve it in our minds to DO something about it instead of allowing ourselves to continue to be complacent. 

Why?  Because it's more convenient?  It's easier than than changing?  There is no excuse to putting our health on the back burner...  That's what it all boils down to, right?  

So what are my struggles.  I have many...  I think my biggest struggle is wanting instant gratification.  I want to go the the gym today and be skinny tomorrow.  Is that realistic?  NO...  But it's still how I feel.  It's your basic "cause and effect".  I just want the end result NOW and not next year...  

This brings me to my next struggle...  Consistency...  Because of my need for instant gratification, I get burned out easily.  I will fight for 2-3 weeks and when I don't see the results that "I" want to see, I quit and fall back into old patterns.  And then I'll start the cycle over again...  This has been the contributing factor to my yo-yo-ing for the past year and a half.  

Another struggle is balance.  Not that I plan on walking the tight rope anytime soon, but I have a struggle balancing health and life...  My health is important to me.  And working out is important to my health.  I tend to be focused on one thing and one thing only...  anything else that comes into the picture, I'll get easily deterred.  I have to figure out some way to balance my life so I'm not letting things fall through the cracks.  Especially my kids.

My eating is a constant struggle.  There are certain times of the month when I crave EVERY carb on the planet and then some...  mmmm...  milkyway...  LOL!  I'm on my period right now and had a dream about a candy free-for-all last night and woke up craving CHOCOLATE!!!!  And lots of it!!!!  I hate days like this...  It puts me in a bad mood when I knowlingly deprive myself of something I KNOW I cannot control.  Chocolate is a slider food for me and I could eat my weight in it if I wanted to.  And believe me...  I WANT TO!!!  But I won't...

Another big struggle is believing in myself.  There is a part of me that knows that I can't do this.  No matter how hard I try, it will never be enough.  It will never get me to that place where I don't have to worry about my health...  so I think If I can't get all the way there, then why bother trying to get close?  This is my inner critic helping me sabatoge my own thinking.  I know this isn't true, but it's how I think sometimes.  

Apparently another struggle I have is loving myself.  I like who I am as a person.  But I have a struggle loving who I see in the mirror.  I see all the bad and I struggle with seeing all the good.  I look at my face and see someone who's lost weight, but I look at my body and I still see 425 pounds.  I still see buckets and buckets of skin...  most of which is still filled out with fat...  This is discouraging to me.  I feel like after all this time, I should look like a deflated balloon.  But I don't.  I am STILL fat.  I focus on the fact that my BMI is still over 40 and that if I went into a surgeon's office today, my insurance would still approve me for surgery...  2.5 years after the fact!

But there is a flip side to every coin...

Despite all my struggles, I have come a long way.  And I have never once given up on this journey.  I don't foresee me giving up anytime soon.  These are SOME of my struggles.  They are mine and I own them.  And I WILL work to resolve them.  

When we start out so big, it's expected that we bring with us some extra baggage.  All of this takes time to work through and as the pounds come off, more stuff comes up...  emotions, feelings, things that we didn't even know was there...  buried beneath the layers we used to hide behind.  What do we do when those walls aren't there anymore?  What do we do when we feel so exposed and raw?

We come here...   What are your struggles and how can we help you overcome them?