I am 42 years old.... closer to 43 than 42.  I have a son who will be 5 in February.  I'm a single mother and my son's father is totally unavailable to him so I'm IT.  I want to be here for my son.  I want to LIVE not to simply exist.  I want to DO things with him. 

I have two grown daughters and the energy and enthusiasiam my son has is so much greater than the girls.  I'm not sure if it's because he's a "boy" or I'm an older mother, a single parent or if he's a "difficult child" but I can't keep up with him.  I can't in good conscience restrict his intersts and be a wet blanket to his adventures, but I can't do it.  I can't keep up and it breaks my heart. 

When I was pregnant with him I was SO looking forward to learning and adventureing with my son.  After his father left I was determined to make sure my son had a full and exciting life.  I said then that I had wanted to go on a trek to Machu Pichau when he was Seven.  Seven was my mark thinking he was young enough to have the wide eyed look at life and old enough to be responsible for some of his own things.  I wanted and travel and adventure!  Since then my health, specifically my weight has simply deteriorated making me doubt that I can follow through with these things for him.

I was finally losing weight but still did not feel the best.    In July I was diagnosed with type II Diabetes.  My initial blood sugar was 497.  I promptly went onto a very low carb diet in conjunction with oral medicaitions and blood testing and proceeded to loose some additional weight.  From August 10th to January 1st I've managed to GAIN 26pounds... mind you, this is DURING my diabetes education class with a dietitian.  I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling ashamed, I'm tired or being tired.

I'd been on a waitlist for a little over a year and things are going no where.  I decided to check into some other surgeons and in the course of 24 hours have come across someone who accepts my insurance, accepts new patients and I'm registered to attend a WLS Seminar on January 18th. 

Tomorrow I have an appt to see my PCP for the Diabetes but I'm going to request a record release and discuss the latest events and see what I can do to get things started with him.

On the 17th is my last diabetes educaiton class with the dietitian, I'm going to request records there as well as talking with her one on one - not sure if that can accomodate any presurgical requrements, but it certainly won't hurt.

I need to get to bed but I'm so wound up over the events of the past day... very excited.