Please Say I am not ALONE! on April 20, 2011 8:57 am
So I have just come to the decision to have RNY. I still have to do one more month of the weight management with my PCM, I meet my surgeon on the 28 of this month. And then from there I am hoping, praying and wishing things speed up and my insurance is approved. I was told it should be so we will see. But as excited as I am, I guess you could say I am in the closet when it comes to my surgery. WLS just has this stigma, people think you gave up, you are lazy, it is an easy out. Not that you are at the end of your roped, that you has a disease that contributes to your weight and this may be your only answer, and that this IS A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT not a quick fix. It is irritating!
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I do not speak with my mother, was are estranged. She was a shitty mom, there is not much else to it. She had not even sent my kids a birthday card or called them ever and my daughter will be 5 in May and my son 2 in June. So I would think that alone would show people she is a POS! But no, my sister does not see it that way, my sister who does not have kids mind you. She does not see why my mom should keep in touch, after all I moved 4 hours away. REALLY?! 4 hours! People always move, that doe snot get them wrote off!
Back to the point, I only told 4 people about my surgery, and my sister (for some stupid reason) was one of them. I wish I had not told her. I know she will tell my mom, stupid, stupid, stupid decision!! Grrrr... And all she does is yell at me about it. She does not get it. She is bigger then me, she wont even say her weight. If I had to guess I would say between 330 and 375. I am 244 and that is TOO BIG FOR ME! So I want to get healthy. She feels healthy at her weight. It does not bother her. I do not. I feel slow, sore, and short of breath. I cannot sleep, ect. ect.... So I feel like I am doing what I need to do to be healthy and stay around for my children. I wish she would see that. Not ridicule me, tell me how I make uneducated decisions and so on. I feel like this decision I researched, I thought of for a year. And I want it. So why put me down for it? Is it because she wishes she could have it too? Because she does not want me to look good? I do not know, I just wish more people would be More supportive.
Even my boyfriend could use a pointer or two. He would rather me stay this weight then have the surgery. He gets nervous about side effects of the surgery, complications and the big "Will you leave me when you look better"? Thing... No I won't! Hello honey, did you forget you are sexy? That I am totally attracted to you, and even at a big size I know I am gorgeous, I know you are handsome and our kids are too cute not to be obsessed with! We have it all, and I would never walk away from that. I am thankful for him, and my children. I do not want this surgery to look better (I mean I do but not entirely) I want it to feel better! I wish people would see that!!!
Okay, my venting is over...