If someone told me they had lost 140 lbs, I would be amazed and think they must feel like a whole different person. I guess I am surprised to feel like me, like myself. I don't walk around feeling different like I imagined I would. I also thought I would feel odd knowing I don't really have a stomach and truthfully, I never really think of it that way. I love that I still feel like myself, just a smaller version.
I am extremely relieved to be on a losing streak again. I hadnt lost any weight in nearly three months and I was having a difficult time not getting upset. I knew I had been losing inches and people still complimented me on how much I had been losing, but as far as the numbers go, it was getting discouraging. I know I shouldnt put too much emphasis on the numbers on the scale, but months worth of stationary weight was getting to me.
I knew if I called my doctor's office, they would ask me if I was eating right, drinking water, and exercising. Well... if I couldn't answer yes to all those questions I would be wasting their time. I am not going to the gym like I should, but I am staying very active and walking, so I wasn't thinking that was the problem. I still haven't had any kind of soda....its been almost 2 years. So I knew my water intake was okay. But my diet was where I thought I was going wrong.
I had worked some crackers into my snacks and had been a little obsessed with fat free popcorn. Even though I wasnt really eating anything that was a big no-no, I had brought unnecessary carbs in and I knew that could be the easiest fix. I went back to the basics... back to the beginning diet. I started on the 2nd of November, thinking that I would stay "on the wagon" until Thanksgiving, almost like an experiment, I felt I at least owed myself that.
I know its still new, and its only been two and a half weeks, but I have lost almost 11 lbs. Yay yay yay!!
I know I am able to keep with this diet, and have every intention to "be bad" at Thanksgiving and have a bite the yummy foods, but then get right back on the wagon until Christmas. I just hope being good again will keep the lbs coming off. If I keep losing, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was worried there for a while, thinking my body had reached its limit.
I can't wait to be at a "normal" size. I am sooooo close. I am beginning to fit losely into 18s, and I have worn a few 16s. My initial goal before starting any of this was not a number, but rather to be able to shop at any store I wanted, to not be confined to "the fat girl" section. To be able to pick up any XL or size 16 and have it fit was beyond my wildest dreams.
I shopped at Victoria's Secret for the first time a week ago. I was able to fit into a 38!!! Amazing. I was squeezing into a 46 before. Also, I am getting to the point where people don't recognize me. LOVE IT! I see people at the grocery store and I can walk up to them and say hi before they even realize who I am. It is a wonderful feeling.
I have became a big advocate for surgery. I am open and honest with anyone who wants to ask me questions and have given my number and email to total strangers to help be supportive. Out here we don't have any group meetings we can go to to discuss the topic of WLS. I tell people if I was told I had to go through it all two more times, I would do it without blinking or being nervous. I also tell them that if I could put this feeling on them, show them what its like to not have an extra 140 lbs hanging on their every step, to hear the encouragement, and to have something you never thought possible, that they would run, not walk, to their surgeon's office, and celebrate their surgery day.
Im very fortunate, and I know that. I have had a very successful and, dare I say, relatively easy journey. I know there are lots of people who haven't had the experience I have, and for them I am truly sorry, because this is an amazing feeling. I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.