chimeraboo
Rethinking My Relationship with the Scale
Jan 29, 2015
Yesterday evening I stepped on the scale to get an unofficial weight to see if my exercise and tighter restriction on eating carbs was paying off. It wasn't. The scale says I gained a pound between last Friday and yesterday. Immediately my mood changed. I went from being optimistic about my weight loss and the efforts I've put forth this week to feeling depressed and discouraged and wondering why I even bother to do the things I am supposed to do to make this tool work. I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong? My goal to be at 275 is tomorrow morning and last Friday I was so close, only 0.2 lbs away. Tomorrow I wonder if I'm going to meet my goal or not. If I don't, I may feel like a failure. It was right around this weight with the band that I started regaining weight. I don't want that to be the case this time. I haven't been below 270 since I was in high school.
I was reading my Bible last night and this phrase jumped out at me: " trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God" I Corinthians 2:5. So, that had me thinking maybe I'm dwelling too much on the numbers instead of just doing what I'm supposed to do to the very best of my ability and trusting God (and my tool) to do the rest. I can't force my tool to do more than it was designed to do, but maybe God can. I always pray that He will help me get this weight off, maybe I'm just too focused on the numbers. I talked to a lady today who said now that she has removed the scale from her house she is able to focus more on getting her eating and exercise right and working at it with all her might. That's what I feel I need to do. I'm not removing the scale from my house, but I'm putting it away and weighing myself only once every 2 weeks. I need my sanity back. The scale makes me anxious all the time. Why do I give it the power to destroy my day? Who says I am supposed to lose weight every week? Maybe I'm supposed to drop weight every week and a half or 2 weeks. Maybe my expectations need to be adjusted.
I am am going to weigh myself tomorrow and record the results on here whether it's good bad or ugly, and then I won't weigh again until February 13th. Naturally I have some concerns about suddenly gaining 5 lbs and not knowing about it for 2 weeks, but to regain my mental health while diligently working at creating good exercise and eating habits is worth the risk. My psych told me in my first post op visit that I should focus on doing my part and letting the tool do it's part, so I'm giving this a shot at least for a month. Hopefully this will relieve me of the anxiety I constantly feel about losing weight.
