I was just reading over my last post and saw the weight log of "204"... WOW.
It was shocking to see that number. It was/is very weird for me to see that as MY weight. I have not been that weight for 10 years. I know I have only lost 14 pounds- but really, I have been 30 pounds heavier.
When I first decided a month ago, to give WW a shot- I thought I was going to be starting this journey at 235. That was the heaviest I had seen on my scale (I hadn't been on a scale in over two years)
But as I weighed that day... I was actually 218. So I was a bit closer to 200 than I thought... which is a good thing. A REAL GOOD thing
I started with WW 17 pounds below what I thought I was. So just this little bit of loss (14 IS small compared to the 70+ I want to loose!) is VERY BIG to ME
. This put me down closer to the 200 mark than I have been in OVER 10 years!
I have this personal goal in my heart. I'm not really caring whether I reach this goal NOW- or next month. But it is an important goal for me. I want very badly- to get BELOW 200. I know that is a fairly common goal, but this has a little more meaning that my just loosing the weight. 200 is what I weighed after I had my last (bio) child. It was a real ugly situation... a lot of heartache followed. Depression consumed me for a very very long time. I didn't want to live. Although things have gotten better- life was pretty much like that for 10 years.
It's odd... and I'm really not sure WHY the weight has connected itself to that trauma... but it has. I want terribly bad to get BEYOND that. I want to put THAT part in the PAST.
Thinking back... in the OR as I was getting my c-section... the Dr made a rude (down right mean!) weight comment. I wonder if mentally I have not let go of that? I'm not sure. I think it's really just the ugliest, most HORRIBLE trauma of my life... and I just want to get one more step BEYOND it.
So there you have it.
I am very happy to be this close to 200. I'm going to do my very best this week to maybe get to that goal BEFORE I leave on my trip on Oct 2. I will have to loose 5 pounds in the next 10 days. If I can keep things going as I did the last week... I might just get there!