Feb. 22 was my last posting date. It has been 38 days since that day. I went on vacation on March 1. Took the kids to Disneyland- it was our first vacation since July of 1993. It was a WONDERFUL trip. I cannot imagine living in the land of SUNSHINE every day! It was HEAVEN!
The down side was- it was a VACATION. I ate what and when I felt like it- thinking I'd get right back on track next week when I return.
That hasn't been so easy. EVERY SINGLE DAY- I wake with the thought that THIS will be THE DAY that I get myself back on track! And by evening- I have screwed up once again :( I'm not sure WHY this is happening? But it IS. And I have to get myself under control. NOW!
The last time I weighed myself (last week) I was at 192 I think. But I think I even saw 194 sometime this last month :( WHY? What am I doing to myself? I'm depressed! I'm feeling HORRIBLE! This is going to STOP NOW!
So today- THIS is THE DAY. I have eaten some low cal- natural rice pudding and a few graham crackers- but all else is good. I will do it TODAY.
April begins tomorrow. 10 days from now is my sons 11th birthday. He should be 11... had he not died shortly after birth. I still miss him terribly.
One of my best friends is coming over here to spend the day with me on his birthday. She came last year as well. She had LB surgery in June of last year and has lost over 100 pounds! I can't wait to see her!
Taylor's birthday lands on a Thursday this year... his "angel day" lands on Friday. So I will have a 4 day "vacation".... just to be with my thoughts. To go to the cemetery and just think of my son. I take these days off every year. They are just mother and child days. I cannot spend these days WITH him- so I spend those days with my family.... with Taylor in my thoughts and memory.