ObesityHelp

I know in my last blog I posted that I was in awe about being in a 14/16 pants.  I have to tell you, I am still not over it.  As I fold and put away my clothes, I have to remind myself that - yes, those ARE my pants.  And yes, the large shirt might be a bit big and I should grab a medium too just in case.  I never expected this level of success and for the first time in my journey, I am scared. I don't want to go back to the life of a super morbidly obese woman.  I love my life and I love my size ... Now is the hard part - maintenance!  I am more conscious of what I eat these days than what I ever was at any other part of this journey.  Somedays I make good choices and others - well, not so good.  All I can strive for is more good days than bad and hopefully this maintenance thing will work itself out.  I am crossing my fingers! 

When I started this journey I was wearing a 6x and it better be cotton knit because no other material would fit over my fat body.  I remember shopping to be such a chore due to its limits of sixes and styles and the price was absurd.  Then I had the surgery and the melting began and I could quit shopping online and start shopping in all the plus size stores.  I was proud to shop in those stores.  I was proud to be the largest size they sold.  Eventually, I began shopping in the plus size area of department stores, but then I melted out of those sizes too.  I literally had to ask the saleslady what came before women's because even at the age of 12 I was shopping in the women's section of the store.  I learned there was a misses department...who would have known? certainly NOT me.  So the melting continues and the extended abdominioplasty happens and I am sitting visiting with a friend last night and she mentions she has bought new jeans.  I ask what size and she begrudgedly says 14 - she works hard at keeping her weight down but the holidays have gotten the best of her and she is not in the 12 anymore.  As unhappy as she is with her 14, that's how excited I am.  I ask if I can try them on, thinking for sure I don't fit them, but it would give me an idea of where I am in the process.  So, here goes nothing.  I slide them on and what? button them up! and what? zip them!!!!!  So the next thing we do is shop....yep, I shopped in her closet because my friend is a shopaholic and her closet is full of things she bought and never wore and has no intention of wearing.  I loved every minute of fitting into my normal sized friend's clothes.  Go me! 

I stepped on the scale this morning and looked down and was in disbelief.  It read plain as day 179 lbs.  Me, I am 179 lbs.  I never expected to get below 250 lbs.  My dream weight was 180 just because it was safely 20 away from 200 but never did I think I would get there.  Instead I just adapted my life to the rules of wls the best I could and let that take me where ever it felt we could go.  But to be 179 - it is like I weighed someone else, because surely that isn't my weight.  That is a long way from 443 and each pound of the 264 I've lost is a blessing.   

In three weeks I will undergo another physical transformation and this one will literally be overnight.  I remember an ill informed family member asking me before my RNY what was going to happen to my belly when I went into wls.  She thought the abdomen belly was removed during surgery not the actual internal belly.  I explained that I had to lose the weight and then what was left would be removed through reconstructive surgery.  That seems like so long ago but in truth it wasn't more than 19 months ago and now here we are today.  I've lost 234 lbs and I am scheduled to have my belly "taken off" in three weeks.   

I still can't figure out how he is going to remove this apron of flesh and then sew be back together.  I've watched number surgeries but none of those patients had what I have hanging from my body.  None were misshaped as I am misshaped.  My abdomen truly has a life of it's own.  It could be its own person.  I can cuddle my belly like a baby in my arms.  It floats when i am in a tub of water.  I can place my hands under the floating flesh and feel hip bones under this massive amount of flesh.  How does he cut this away and fit me back together - I guess it is a good thing I trust the guy to know what he is doing because really - I cannot wrap my mind around not having to lift skin that hangs halfway down my thigh when I am bathing.  I I cannot fathom looking down at my body and seeing the tops of my thighs.  Is it true, will this happen for me?  It's what the dr is promising me.  Can he deliver?  I guess we will know in T-minus 3 weeks! 

I had a plastic surgery consult on September 1st regarding the removal of my belly.  The doctor estimates my belly weighs about 35 lbs. I cannot even imagine my body 35 lbs lighter.  I never truly believed I would get to the weight I am now, so 35 less lbs is not even fathomable for me.  Initially the doctor told me the procedure would be outpatient the fee was quite resonable.  However, due to my history complications and after review of these complications, he is no longer willing to do the surgery outpatient which means a considerable hike in the price.  No matter - I am having this belly removed.  Because the rest of my body is pretty much normal sized, the belly is really causing me to feel a bit freakish.  I cannot imagine how people who have lost as much as I have live with the skin and not have the surgery to remove it.  I am in awe of them!    My surgery is scheduled for December 9th.  This is yet another cash pay procedure due to my insurance not recognizing that plastic surgery is sometimes medically necessary.  They say the normal human body is worth about 20 dollars.  Well, when I am through with these procedures the worth of my body will be one more area of my life that is not like all the "normal" people out there...hehehe