ObesityHelp

I got a massage today.  I let a male stranger touch my chubby naked body.  And I didn't even feel so terribly self-conscious.  Now that I got that fear over with I would like one weekly (daily?) for the rest of my life.  Maybe I should start hanging around massage institutes to find someone to fall in love with me. 

I want chocolate.  Specifically Easter candy.  Mmmmm.  Will I ever stop craving things that are bad for me?

I am 0.2 pounds shy of 50 pounds lost.  I am so close to that and so close to being under 200, I can taste it!

In other news... I am at work ridiculously early on a cold Sunday morning whereas everyone else in my company is home sleeping in so I am bitter about that!  Otherwise I have been feeling pretty good.  Sometimes after I eat, even if it is a healthy, protein-dense, decently sized meal, I get really tired for about a 1/2 hour.  It's so hard after lunch at work.  I feel ok stomach-wise, just super fatigued for a little bit.  Anyone else feel like this?

I have been eating well for the most part, staying within my calorie range (800-1200) and getting enough protein (>70g).  But, I've had a little candy problem lately, mainly in the form of skittles and reeses peanut butter things (I especially like the peanut butter things in holiday shapes, I think the peanut butter to chocolate ratio is much more favorable).  I don't know how much I need to worry about this since I can eat candy and still not eat too many calories for the day, but I know I need to keep the moderation in check.  At least the reese's have some protein, right? :):)

Tomorrow makes 3 months since surgery.  I just did my progress pics today and posted them.  I have been doing this monthly and also taking my measurements.  I can't see much of a difference between this month and last month, wah wah.  Right now I am 207.6.  My lowest adult weight after crazy dieting was 193.6.  Once I get below that I will be elated.  So 14 more pounds until I start to feel really good! I would LOVE to get there by next month but I have been losing about 10 pounds per month so that is a stretch.  I am going to FL on March 20 and I hope to at least be under 200 by then.

So I went to NY this weekend and had SO much fun.  I saw a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in forever.  I was also able to keep up with them all and walk ALL OVER the city.  Really a few months ago I couldn't walk a couple blocks without getting shin splints, it is amazing how much better losing weight makes you feel.  My eating wasn't great this weekend.  I didn't eat too much but definitely didn't get enough protein.  I also had a few drinks.  But now I am back and back on track.  And exhausted!!

I have the best dad ever.  I just went out to lunch at work and when I returned there was a giant vase of beautiful roses on my desk, from him.  (Of course there was that moment before opening the card where i convinced myself I had a secret admirer or that one of my exes is still madly in love with me).  My dad has never done anything like this before so I am so touched.  He also must have had to do some investigating because he found a florist right up the street from my work.  So my 'i'm single, everyone else at work is in a relationship and getting flowers today' pity party is over!  He is the sweetest!!!

I officially weigh in once a week.  I think I blame years and years of Weight Watchers for this.  I wake up Sunday morning, pee, strip (don't want an extra couple ounces on there) and jump on the scale (actually not jump, I place each foot very delicately as to not anger the scale gods).  With the exception of my first two weeks after surgery I have been losing an average of 1-3 pounds per week.  Well this week I lost 4.8!!!  That's almost 5 and yay!

Other than that things are going pretty well.  I am horribly bored with my life but I am trying to spice it up best I can.  Next weekend I am going to NY to see a bunch of college friends I haven't seen in AGES!  They first met me when I was heavier but then knew me as I lost a lot of weight.  I haven't seen most of them since before I gained the weight back, and now I have lost most of it again.  I think I might be right around the same weight as last time I saw them.  I avoided everyone like the plague when I was back up at my heaviest.  I know it is stupid and that they are my friends regardless but I just didn't want to show my fat face.  Plus walking all around NYC would be a challenge at that weight anyway.  It hurt to walk a few blocks!  I don't think I am going to tell them about the surgery.  I will be staying with one female friend who is like a size 2, and although I am sure she would be supportive I'm just not in the mood to explain it all.  Then I will also be seeing 3 male friends and I definitely don't want to tell them.  One of them will be cooking dinner for us on Sunday so I will need to come up with some excuse as to why I can't eat and drink like I used to.  I met this particular guy in Italy so I am sure he will be planning on lots of wine and pasta.  I hate lying but I just don't see the point in baring all for people I see so infrequently.  So we'll see.  I just hope that next time I see them (which unfortunately will probably be another year from now) I will be near my goal weight and it will be noticeable.  Anyone have a time machine??

So I need to step up the workouts big time.  I am ok with cardio but I am sooo lazy about weight training.  Yesterday I did a pilates video that a couple years ago I could do with no problems.  Well yesterday I did maybe 1/4 of everything on the video.  I feel like I have absolutely no muscle strength left in my core!  And today ugh, I can barely sit up I am soooo sore.  So I need to work on that seriously.  Thinner but flabbier isn't going to work for me!  I don't want to jiggle! :)