ObesityHelp

My birthday came and went.  I had a decent day.  People I work with do not know I had the surgery (it's a relatively new job) and one woman brought in a cheesecake and brownies to our lunchtime meeting for me.  I had to show her I appreciated that by eating far too much of them.  Then I felt crappy and had to sit there sweating in a crowded conference room for the next 30 minutes.  I don't think I have ever had traditional "dumping syndrome" but if I overdo it I definitely get hot and sweaty and can feel my heart beating fast for a little while.  It's not terrible, but not pleasant.  Anyway, I used my birthday as an excuse to eat a lot of crap this week.  I'm not sure I'll ever make it out of the 160s if I keep this up.  I really just want to make it to 155 which would make 100 pounds lost.  I know I can do it I have just been a little too lazy lately! 

Not much else to report, I'm very boring today. :(

And wow has time flown by.  Before I had the surgery I was so ridiculoudly anxious to get it done and for months to fly by so I could be thin and start living my life.  And well, I guess here I am.  I wouldn't call myself thin, but definitely normal and a hell of a lot more confident.  But have I started living my life?  Eh, not too much has changed.  My birthday is on Wednesday and every year I think that by this time next year I will be in love and on my way to being married and having a family.  A family really is what I want out of life more than anything else.  I'm a little bummed this year that yet again I am not any closer to that.  I am dating that guy but things are pretty casual so I don't think marraige or babies is anything I want to bring up any time remotely soon.  It is amazing though that I started my 26th year at 250+ pounds and I will be starting my 27th year at 164.  Hopefully that is a sign of good things to come this year!

So I did get the Lasik on Friday and everything went well.  My brother drove me and we got there early so we decided to grab breakfast.  Well in the shop we were sitting next to the trash barrell and a blind guy went to throw away his trash and he dropped his stick right in front of me.  I don't usually believe in signs but what are the odds that a blind guy drops his stick at my feet minutes before I am going to get my eyeballs cut open.  I was a little freaked out.  But overall it was fine.  It was weird but not painful, just uncomfortable on Friday.  I could see clearly and even drove without glasses for the first time in my life on Saturday.  My eyes did get very very bloodshot though.  They said it is normal but they said it can take a few weeks to go away!  It is very obvious and I am embarrassed to go to work tomorrow.  I feel like it looks like I got beat up or something.  It's kind of scary looking and very ugly.  I did errands and everything yesterday in sunglasses all day long.  Oh well, being able to see is so worth it!!!

Ugh, my weight has been going up and down lately.  I am back up 1.2 pounds this week.  I am disappointed because I really stepped up the workouts this week but whatever....

So Friday I am getting Lasik.  I am scared!  I am almost more scared than I was to get gastric bypass.  I think for that I felt I had no choice and I was so exited for the results.  For the lasik I'm not really sure I need it.  I mean I would love being free from glasses while exercising, swimming, and things like that but I don't hate the way I look in glasses or anything.  I'm afraid I am tempting fate here with two optional surgeries in less than a year.  But I'm going for it.  It's a simple procedure, I've done my homework and I trust the surgeon so I am sure I will be fine.  It's just so weird, I can't even picture my life without needing glasses.  But I guess I couldn't picture my life at a size 10 either and I am pretty happy here!  So wish me luck. :)

Wow, I am down 89.4 pounds in 7 1/2 months.  10.6 more pounds and I will have lost 100!!!!  I never thought I would make it here.  I was looking through a lot of my old posts earlier and I remember how deeply afraid I was that this surgery was not going to work for me.  I mean I know a lot about nutrition and exercise and I had been doing things right and dieting and that didn't work for me, so I was skeptical that this would.  I still have fears of regain but I can't deny that everything is working perfectly.  I never imagined I would be this small this fast.  I think I might even get into a single digit size.  I can't even fathom that.  I don't think I have been a single digit size since I was like 7 years old.  It is still so weird to me to go into a store and grab a medium or a 10.  Usually I start with a 14 and an XL and realize they are too big and then I grab a smaller size.  I just can't believe I fit into these sizes.  Then I have friends that wear the same size as me but when I look at them I think that they are soooo much smaller than me.  It's so strange.  I am finally starting to feel normal.  I no longer feel like the bigget girl in the room.  I no longer feel like my weight is the white elephant in the room when anyone is talking about anything food or weight related.  I feel normal (in size at least, I am still crazy in other ways ;).