What do I deserve in life? There are times I think I deserve the absolute best - I've worked very hard to get where I am at, harder then many in my position. About 3 weeks ago, I went in for an interview at a fantastic company, one of hundreds that applied, which would have paid fantastic for a student still in school and would have looked fantastic on a resume. Unfortunately, in that last interview (the third one for that particular company - I was one of only a few people that got that far) I faltered on a very important question, and thus I believe, the reason I wasn't hired. Now, I've got only a month until school and getting a job isn't practical anymore.

So what does this have to do with WLS? I'm almost seven months out of surgery and 135 lbs less then the day I entered that freezing operating room. Things are really better then ever, and yet I feel unsatisfied with myself as always. Yesterday, I had a little interesting moment - apparently I can wear a men's 40 jean. But that isn't really the special part. Men's jeans often have the size written on the outside of the jean where anyone can see it. Unless, you're a size 42 or greater. But there it is, written on the jean, size 40 where anyone can see. Apparently, Levi's thinks that being a size 40 is something to be proud of. And it is. Many people state they did the surgery primarily to save their health. It's a noble goal. But I did because I wanted people to see me. My future health was important, I guess, but that's the future and it wasn't really all that important to me. I was tired of being ignored by people in my professional and personal life because I was the largest person in the room and I didn't carry the weight well. I saw many people on this site transform from people that looked just like me into people that could actually merit a second glance, and I wanted that. As it is now, I'm not sure what people see when they look at me. I really have no idea.

I spent my high school years making acquaintances, not friends. Being the already shy person who has always had to work to make friends anyway, and being over 200 lbs overweight has left me something of a loner. I've spent most of my college years the same way. It's seems that everywhere I've gone in life, I've been written off - in jobs, in my social life, heck sometimes I think even my family does at times, even though they would vehemently deny it. I know I deserve more, because I'm great at the work I do and I'm a great person, damn it. I just wish everyone could see it. maybe they will, eventually.

It's been 18 days since my surgery and I'm down 40 lbs!! That's 40 LBS!

I finally got my approval today, and my surgery date, Dec 18! After my denial I never thought I would get approved by the insurance people, but I guess they couldn't find anything else they could deny me for ;) Wish me luck!

My insurance promised me today they would notify me in regard to if I'm approved or not. So no sleep. Too excited.

I finished my last nutrition appointment today! Again! My insurance company wanted another one, which will probably make it impossible to have the surgery this summer and delay it until December....but I guess I'll be alright. crap.....radio distracted me. I was going to write something else, but since I forgot and nobody actually reads this stuff.......

oh yeah, I'm working on potential ways to coerce my doctor to perform the surgery sooner then later (so I can get it before I have to go back to college life). All I've got so far is shameless begging and dignified begging.