my goal would be to see myself at 165 lbs

I feel like i am carrying more then just me. There is another person within myself that i hate. My body is wore out to the point i can't walk without a cane/walker, shop without a wheelchair, bathe without a shower chair, stand long enough to either wash dishes, or even cook. Since i have allowed myself to get this way, my life has been so depressing to the point of dark curtins, no social life, and the relationship with my husband and children are changing too. this is really painful. I don't have medical insurance and disability said for me to go to vocation rehab, well they turned me down. i don't see me ever getting my surgery i need but i do believe in prayer. if you read this keep me in mind.