I am 35 years old and have been overweight almost my entire life.  I first started getting fat around the age of 6 and the related event was my parents’ divorce and we moved in with my grandmother.  My mother, my sister, my grandmother, and pretty much everyone in my family are overweight.  On my mother’s side, the weight stopped at 300 pounds - usually not more than that and a wide range under that weight.  On my father’s side, there are a few people who weigh over 700 pounds.  So I guess genetically the cards are against me.

I was a chubby kid, but didn't really get a hard time from people.  I don't really remember being made fun of for it and seemed to fit in ok.  When I was a teenager, I started making more friends who were on the wild side.  We partied a lot and that seemed to keep my weight in check.  I am 5 5  and usually stayed under 160 pounds.  I met my now ex husband at 17, first kid at 18.  I got up to 250 while I was pregnant.  After my daughter was born, I thought I would magically go back to 160 but not the case.  A couple years later I got pregnant with my second child and only gained 10 pounds because I was so worried about gaining weight.

However, my husband became very abusive and I started gained weight out of control.  Over the next 10 years, I got up to 350 pounds.  I never really tried to lose weight although it bothered me all the time.  I guess my life was pretty depressing and was very unhappy.  I was naive about how to get out of my marriage and guess like most women I thought he would change.  About the only fun thing in my life was eating and about the only time it seemed like we weren't fighting.  My ex was a "feeder" as well.  He knew if he helped me stay fat that I wouldn't leave.

In 2001, I ran into an old friend from Jr high.  She looked AMAZING.  I swear, she was so beautiful, so thin.  She seemed obsessed with food though and eventually she started to open up to me about her weight.  She had lost 80 pounds and of course I wanted to know how.  She finally told me she was basically anorexic and bulimic and used diet pills to control her appetite.  I felt I had nothing to lose but weight and she offered to coach me on how to do it.  Within a year, I had lost 170 pounds and got down to 180.  It was a crazy year - not eating, or throwing up. Also, I divorced my husband.  Even though I lost weight the wrong way, I was really grateful for her help and was glad to have lost so much weight.

The problem is that kind of behavior cannot be sustained.  I eventually parted ways with the friend and met a new guy who I am still with.  He is wonderful and couldn't care less about my weight.  I have gradually gained weight again.

Last June, I was up to 254 pounds.  My insurance paid for me to go through a weight loss program at the gym called 20/20.  Basically, you go on a liquid diet then week by week add different foods back in.  They also were very intense with the exercise.  I met with a trainer 3 times per week for 60 minutes.  I was also going another 3 times a week on my own.  After 6 months, I had lost only 30 pounds.  Not the poster child for the program I guess.  I always had a problem staying within the calorie range.  I always felt like eating, I always had cravings, I always cheated.  Don’t get me wrong, "cheating" was pigging out on chicken, peanut butter, or too much olive oil in my vegetables.  They kept saying if I followed the program I would not have cravings, but it never really felt that way to me.   I kept a food diary that I showed my trainer and I always got the lecture about eating too much.  I finally was so glad when the program was over after 6 months.  It really never became part of my life.  I was really miserable in the program, felt like a failure, never felt good enough.

So now I am 230 - 235 and I feel the weight coming back.  I don't want to follow fad diets anymore, but I just hate the fact I can eat twice as much as anyone I know.  It seems food is always on my mind and I am always hungry.  About the only time I don't want to eat if when I feel bloated or when I get so stuffed I unbutton my pants.

I had thought about surgery before, but I guess I just didn't really think it would work. I was also worried about the cost.  I finally went to a seminar and go much information.  I also talked to some people who had the band.  They said they don't get hungry now and the "food chatter" in their head is gone.  Then, I found out my company has a contract with the center and my procedure is covered 100%. I almost fell over.  So, I have three appointments coming up to see the DR, the RN, and psychologist.  After that, I will get to make an appointment (Feb 1st I will find out when the day is).  I keep reading everyone’s posts here on this website and I keep hoping it will work for me like everyone else.  I can't imagine so many people with weight problems like my own could have their problems solved and it just is a fluke.  It is giving me hope that my fight with hunger, cravings, overeating, and weight might be over.  That if I try, my body will try with me instead of against me.