I am 6 weeks out and I have lost 36 pounds.  I have not lost any the past week!  I think I am slowing down because I am finding it harder and harder to get in the protein drinks some days.   Also, with trying new foods, it is hit or miss on whether I get sick with nausea or throw up.  I  have thrown up 2 different times now. The first time on dry chicken at 4 weeks out.  I know, chicken at 4 weeks is a no no.  I really don't know what I was thinking.  Also, last night I ate too quickly or too much grilled shrimp.  That feeling is awful.  Everyone calls it the "foamies."  I still do not feel hunger at any time.  Lately, I struggle with eating at all.  It will be mid afternoon, and I realize that I have not eaten all day.  Most days I try to drink my Isopure in the morning for breakfast.  I realize this is not good to only eat 1 or 2 meals.  It has been totally mentally exhausting for me this summer with staying home with my twin 2 year old daughters and my 4 year old son.  I stay stressed out and angry alot of days.  I know it is because I am so tired of staying here day in and day out doing the same thing.  Listening to my kids fuss and whine has taken its toll on me. I love my kids sooo much, but thank goodness they are going back to daycare on Monday.  I really wish that I had found a place to take them at least a couple of days per week this summer. It would have really helped me mentally. Most people get some sort of break with their family helping out with the kids, but we had no help at all.  My husband and I have only done something alone together 2 times in 2 and 1/2 years. I think I may be depressed or something. I am irritated all of the time.  I do not have energy like I thought I would at this point.  At this point I am frustrated that I had the surgery in the first place.  God, I hope it gets better than this.  Maybe when I get back to school in a couple of weeks, I will have a better schedule and keep track of everything easier.  Sorry this is so negative, but it is just where I am at this point in my journey.  Reading the messageboards and profiles still helps me alot!  It just seems like everyone is just doing so wonderful all of the time.  Is there anyone out there who feel like me right now???  I cannot even have a glass of wine to unwind.  I know that this will get better.  I have done very poorly lately on my exercise too.  Maybe if I start up again it will help release the endorphines, and I will not feel so depressed.  I am gonna check out 24 hour fitness next week and see about joining.  I am finding that I am obsessing about food instead of compulsively eating food.  I like to read cookbooks or menus alot and think about what I 'd like to cook or eat when I go out.  But, when I go out, I can only eat about 2 or 3 bites... and that is so frustrating to me.  Head hunger I guess.  My plan next week is to get better organized with my menu at home, find high protein snacks, and experiment with new recipes that will work for the whole family.  Oh, and get a yoga dvd or something to help with my stress. 

I have lost 19 pounds!!!  And that is 3 days shy of 2 weeks.  WOW...I just cannot believe it.  Every morning I step on the scale and it is down at least a pound a day.  I am feeling alot better.  I am stressed at home taking care of all of my kids and getting them food and snacks all day long.  The food smells so good and I cannot have anything!!!!! That is mentally difficult at times. I am not physically hungry, but I want a bite of that food so badly!  They ordered pizza the other night and I thought I was gonna die... it smelled so good. And the commercials....literally every other commercial is food, food food!  Anyway, enough of the torture.  I am counting the hours until pureed phase.  I am not sure what I am gonna make or how to make it.  I was doing very well with my walking every day, but the past couple of days I get tired just walking to my mailbox.  Maybe I am not getting enough protein?? I am getting at least 50, but I guess I need alot more!!!  It is so hard with those sweet drinks.  At 2 weeks I can add fruit to a smoothie, so maybe that won't be so bad.  I am hoping my energy increases with the addition of actual pureed meats.  Getting my water in is not a problem.  I just drink, drink, drink all day it seems.  The only thing I like to eat on this phase is the Dannon carb and sugar control yogurt and wonton soup minus the wonton.  One more day of full liquids... I can do it!!!!!

On Tuesday morning, at 4:00AM,  I awoke and drank two sips of water.  I immediately felt nauseous.  I went to the bathroom and had old blood in my stool.  (sorry.. very nasty)  Next,  my whole body was covered in a cold sweat.  I was very pale and felt like I was gonna pass out.  I went into the living room and sat  under the fan with my vomit tub thingy. Seconds later, I threw up twice.  All fresh blood and a big bloodclot!!!! OMG I was so scared.  I called my doctor and he told me to go to the ER.  Thank goodness my mom was still here watching my kids.  My husband drove me to the hospital, way on the South side of Dallas. (We live in the Northern most part of the metroplex.)  But, at 4:00 in the morning, it was smooth sailing all the way.  I continued to be very hot and was breathing very shallow.  After 15 minutes on the road, it subsided.  We got to the ER, checked bloodwork, ect., and saw my doctor in the ER about 6:00AM.  He told me that my levels were low and he was going to admit me to the hospital.  I am so freaking out at this point on the inside.  Long story, short- I had to receive 2 pints of blood and do another EGD to see where the bleeding was coming from.  Evidently, my body had a reaction to the staples and bled alot more?  I had to stay 2 nights in the hospital.  While in there, I had several meltdowns.  I was honestly regretting my decision so much.  I cried alot.  I thought that I might die or something.  I put my family through so much worry and stress.  They put me on a medicine called Carafate that I have to take 4 times per day for a month.  I swear... this first week has been HELL on me.  However,  I am doing fine now.  The first day home from the hospital, I walked a mile.  Yesterday, I walked a mile and 1/2.  Today, I feel even better.  It is just so weird to not feel hunger at all.  I am trying to get my protein in each day, but I am falling a little short.  I am just drinking the Isopure drinks and they are pretty sweet.  I am sick of sweet drinks.  I have never liked sweet drinks in my life, nor milkshake stuff.  So I am having a difficult time with protein.  I tried the unjury chicken soup.  It was okay.  I am gonna order the flavorless one that you can put in pudding, yogurt, whatever.  Any advice on that would be great.  There are two new flavors of Isopure- Green tea and black tea, but they have caffeine.  I was told to not have caffeine.  Is that forever or just in the beginning?  It sounds perfect for me, but I have to check with my Nutritionist and doctor first.  Last, but certainly not least,  I have already lost 13 pounds as of today- 1 week 1 day out.  That is totally awesome!  I am getting my mind back on the positive now.  I cannot dwell on the negatives...what's done is done.  No changing back.  I think it will definately get better when I can actually eat real food.  The smells are sometimes torturous when my family is having dinner.  Thanks for listening. 

I had my surgery Friday morning about 8:30.  I was not really nervous, which surprised me.  But, when I was awake and in recovery...OMG the PAIN! I was also so sleepy from the pain meds.Oh, and the dry mouth!  I felt like I was gonna literally die of thirst the whole day.  I could barely even talk.  I was very disappointed in the hospital because they had to put me in the CCU instead of on the bariatric floor, because I was the only bariatric surgery that day. (He usually does them all on Mondays.) But because of my mom's schedule and sister's schedule I had to request a Friday surgery, which he occasionally does.  I guess it was my mistake  first of all for choosing Friday.  Anyway,  I felt like the nurses were not concerned with me, even when I was in a level 9 pain almost the entire time.  The night nurse told me that I did not even have to walk during the night.  (I thought that it was required.)  When I did walk at night, it was by myself.  I'm just glad I did not fall to the floor or something.  Back to the pain...I was hurting so much, and did not get very much relief from the the medicine it seemed. My husband stayed with me until 9:00 because visiting hours were over at 9:00 in the CCU.  (On the Bariatric unit, we would have had our own suite and my whole family could have come in to visit anytime.)  The next morning,  they did the upper GI test for leaks...no leaks!  That was a relief.  However about an hour later I felt a knot by my biggest incision.  I told the day nurse and I saw Dr. Green that morning and showed him.  He ordered a CT scan.  Everything was fine.  I guess it was gas pockets or inflammation.  Thank goodness.  I actually had a very difficult time in the hospital and after the surgery was having extreme feelings of regret.  Things started to turn around once I could drink some protein drink and water.  Also,  when I started taking the oral lortab, I could see a difference in  my pain level.  So, I finally got home around 5:00, took some vitamins and meds, and went to bed early.  Sunday,  I started feeling much better.  I went for a walk with my family down the lake trail.  I am not hungry at all.  It just seems very strange to me that I have not eaten anything since Thursday night except liquids.  I guess that I will end this especially long post and post later on.  Thank you for everyone's prayers and support.  It means so much to me to know that I have a new family here on this website that I can turn to when I need help! I think that everything is going to be fine!

My CT scan was fine and I am cleared for takeoff!  Next stop... Renaissance hospital in Dallas for surgery at 8:00AM Friday.  I was really nervous last week, but this last couple of days a calm has come over me.  I am confident that everything will be great.  I am in good hands.  Wish me luck. : )