ObesityHelp

Hurray!  I did it!  I finished my first half marathon with a finish time of 2:42.  I managed to pull my groin muscle around mile 7 so I was miserable for the last half of the race.  That along with some terrible toe blisters made me so uncomfortable but I was determined to finish it and I did!  My finish time was slower than I had hoped for but with my pulled muscle and blisters, I figured that wasn't half bad!

I commemorated my 2 year surgiversary and half marathon completion with a new tattoo!  I got it while on vacation in Seattle and I just love it.  I'm so addicted ... now I want more!

Yippee!  I completed my second 10K race!  I finished in 1:07:01 which was almost 3 minutes faster than my last 10K.  I was so excited by that because the last mile I was really doubting myself and feeling like a failure for some reason.  This race was very wet and rainy and there were slippery leaves all over the paths and big water puddles.  So I felt like my pace was slower because of those obstacles.  So I was really surprised to see my finish time was actually faster than before!

Well, I did it!  I ran an entire 10K race!  That is 6.2 miles ... and I ran it in 1 hour, 9 minutes.  Holy toledo!  I cannot even fathom that is is actually ME doing this.  

As I was running the last mile, I literally had tears streaming down because the realization that I was actually going to complete this race hit me hard.  And I ran past a store front window and saw my reflection and in my mind I still see the 300+ pound person but when I saw my reflection, I saw a fit woman running.  It was just such a powerful and emotional experience!  It feels like such an outer body experience because I still feel like a fat person.  So when I accomplish these goals and milestones, it feels like it really isn't "me" that is doing it.  It's so hard to explain!

I decided that I want to run the Helvetia Half Marathon next June so I am starting to train for it.  I met with my new fitness coach at the gym and he has a new plan for me ... run 3-4 times per week (one long run on Sunday), Spin class twice a week, and Group Power (weight lifting class) twice a week.  He said that should help build my endurance and I should have no problem running a half marathon by June.  Ultimately I want to sign up for the Portland Marathon ... we'll see how the half marathon goes and see if I have the guts to do a full marathon!

My weight is still steady around 163-165.  I wish I could lose more weight but my body just is hanging onto every last pound!  My dietician told me I'm probably not eating enough to actually lose weight.  It's such a fine line between eating enough and eating too much ... I'm scared to eat too much because I don't want to be the person I used to be.  And I'm having issues with wanting to eat all the wrong foods too.  Why is it I'm drawn to food so much?  I think I'll never understand that!  

I have a consultation with a plastic surgeon coming up next week to discuss a possible breast reduction.  I am praying like the dickens that my insurance will approve me because I have neck/shoulder/back pain associated with my chest size.  Not to mention it's nearly impossible to find a bra that is small enough around the ribs and yet big enough in the cups! 

Well, my weight is now around 163 ... it seems like I go back and forth right about that mark and have been doing that for the last two months.  This has me totally frustrated!

I'm putting in a lot of time at the gym and my calories are around 1400 per day.  But with as many calories as I'm burning at the gym, I know I should be losing more weight.  So, why isn't any weight coming off?  I'm thoroughly ticked about this!!!  Ha, ha!

I've run a few more 5K runs and my latest accomplishment is that I completed the 5 mile trail run called "Run Like a Girl".  I was so amazed that I actually ran 5 miles!  I don't even feel like "me."  How did I do this?  I feel like a new person but the old me still has a voice in my head saying it's not possible to do these things.  I still visualize myself as 300 pounds.  So in my mind I feel like a person of that size couldn't possibly accomplish these goals.  My mind is playing weird tricks on me!  

I'm really frustrated that I'm not losing more weight.  My doctors said not to lose more because my body fat percentage is low.  But to me, I'd like to lose another 10 pounds.  So I'm trying to increase my protein again and see if that helps anything.  We shall see!

Well, I made it to my 1 year mark!  Wow, I cannot even believe a year has gone by; where did the time go?  It went by so fast!

I had my 1 year check-up and everything went great.  My weight is at 165 and seems to be staying around that mark ... but I'm down 142 pounds!  My BMI went from 49.6 to 26.0  My body fat percentage went from 45% down to 20%.  Kind of cool!  

I'm free from diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and my cycles are normal for the first time in a very, very long time.  My doctor told me I'm very healthy!  

I can eat just about anything I want, although I still can't really do fast food very well ... cheeseburgers just don't go down all that well and I don't really have any interest in them anymore.  I still love chocolate though and sweets.  So I have to be careful because I don't want to return to the old days of gorging myself on them!  I almost wish I dumped on those things which would make it much less tempting to eat them!  But I'm bound and determined to never go back to the way I was.  I've been there and I certainly don't want to do that again!

My latest adventure is taking Kick-boxing classes at the gym.  The first class wasn't fun at all. But I decided to give it a second chance and I loved it!  It's amazing how sore your arms get after doing that.  My goal is to sign up for a race every month through the end of the year and I already signed up for a couple in the next two months.  That way I have to keep running at the gym ... trying to stay motivated!  

I'm just so very grateful that this surgery gave me a chance to start over again.  I can't believe how much has changed for me in the last year.  I still mentally see myself as a 300 pound woman and it amazes me to see a photo of myself now.  It's hard to explain but if you've been in that situation, you know how it feels.  I'm constantly worrying that people see me as big still.  Something I need to work on, I guess!  I'm still very selfconscious!  Hopefully day by day that will change!