Deedles

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It was my own fault. I got cocky and it caught up with me! This whole past year I have assumed I dump, just in case I really did. And at first it really kept me on the straight and narrow but the last few months I’ve tested it. Not intentionally really just small tastes here and there. You know how it is….a small piece of chocolate here, a small frozen yogurt cone there. Nothing happened so, of course, in the back of my mind I figured I just didn’t dump. NOT!

Yesterday was our Sewing Sisters monthly meeting. For one reason or another, this was the first time since March that all 6 of us been together. We had 4 birthdays to catch up! See where this is going?!? I had a couple bites of birthday cake…cake only; I knew not to taste the pure sugar icing. Later on the fresh baked white chocolate macadamia nut cookies started calling my name. I resisted…more than once…then they got moved to my table…right in front of me! I caved in and had one. Ah….that first bite was SO good, the first I’ve had in almost 2 years, and I should have quit but of course I didn’t. About an hour later I had another one.  Lunch was a few grilled chicken strips and some raw cauliflower. Not nearly enough protein. Mid-afternoon I ate the Honey Crisp apple I had taken, it was a big one. I wasn’t feeling really good when I left the quilt shop. Nothing specific, just not right. But I just thought I was tired since I didn’t get much sleep the night before.

 A friend was in from out of town so while I was on her side of town we met for an early dinner. To follow the rest of the day’s poor decisions, I had a small bowl of twice baked potato soup and half a grilled cheese sandwich. After about 5 minutes the stomach cramps started, I got that nervous, twitchy quiver in my chest, nausea, hot flashes and clammy skin. I had to leave. Linda is a very good friend and totally understood. Bad thing is I was almost an hour from home! I almost called Beast to come get me but I kept thinking if this passes quickly, like I’ve read some do, then he would have made a trip for nothing. If I keep driving I could be home by the time it either gets worse or is over, so I kept going. I made it home and felt like I’d been run over by a Mac truck! By then I was achy all over. I felt like I had the worst hangover in history except for the headache…at least I didn’t have that! I went straight to bed well before dark and slept until about 5am when I got up to potty then went back to bed. I finally got up around 10am. I felt like crap! Same hangover symptoms just not quite so bad.

This morning I made my chai tea but couldn’t face anything else to eat. My little belly has been ‘tender’ all day. That’s a new feeling for this Iron Belly of mine! So I’ve pampered her all day with shakes and simple food. She’s feeling better but is still not back to normal. So it’s no longer a question…I DO dump, it just takes a lot for me to do so. Cake, cookies, big sweet apple, bread and high carb soup. Sugar and simple carbs...yep, that’ll do it! I still don’t really know just exactly what my gram limit is just that it’s high enough that a little sweet something doesn’t do it…at least for now, but who knows if that will change or not? I have a feeling I won’t be testing these waters for a long time!

Man, this year has passed quickly! It seems like just yesterday...really. I guess one reason it's gone by so fast is I've had absolutely no problems whatsoever. Not a single queasy feeling, no throwing up, no nothing like you see reported. Gertie, my little belly, seems to be made of iron because she likes, or at least tolerates, everything. I had very few things that caused any discomfort. Scrambled eggs, really cold drinks and dry meat. At a year out I still don't care for hard scrambled eggs, they just sit like a rock but will pass in about an hour. Gertie still prefers room temperature water but I can now drink cold drink as long as they are icy cold like a slushy. And chicken white meat is still very hard to eat so I just avoid it altogether. No biggy because I didn't like dry white meat pre-op either so I'm used to dark meat. I've had 2 instances of food that got stuck and both times were my own stupid fault. Both times I ate too fast and didn't chew well enough and both were with dense meat proteins.

All those months of my Pre-op required diet, as I read every word on the OH website, I read enough horror stories about what happens with vitamin deficiencies that I'm really anal about taking all my vitamins and supplements. Even to the point of sitting up into the wee hours of the morning to get every dose in. Or setting the alarm to wake up and catch up. It's paid off because my 1 yr labs were excellent. I'm proud to say I've followed the plan and it's paid off. The hardest part of this journey so far has been changing the mental aspect of the game. Of course I still have things I'm working on but I'm amazed at the difference in the way I relate to food now. I was never an emotional eater, more of a boredom eater, but the head games your brain plays is just as strong.

You hear people say all the time they wish they'd had this surgery XX years ago when they were young enough to really enjoy the results. Well, I'm glad I didn't. If I had done this 30 years ago when I was in my mid 20's I would not have been mentally strong enough to have made the changes that are required to be a success. I envy those young people you CAN do it. But at 56 I consider my life far from over! I'm just getting started!

My stats for the year....
Beginning weight Jan. 2009....353lbs
Weight at surgery Sept. 15, 2009....292lbs
Current weight 190.4lbs
Lost since surgery...101.6lbs
Total lost....162.6lbs
Excess weight lost....80.10%
Beginning BMI....56.1%
Current BMI....30.3%
Total inches lost....69.50in. That's roughly 5ft 8in....taller than me!!