ObesityHelp

I'm 9 weeks out today.  My weight loss seems to have slowed down a bit.  But I haven't been making the best choices lately.  Some old habits are creeping back and I have to recommit myself to my process.  So far since I started pre-op I've lost 60 lbs.  This is wonderful and I'm really proud of the job I've done. 

I've been having a difficult time with dense protein.  I've thrown up so many times.  Probably because of eating too fast.  Some days I can eat and others it just doesn't seem to work.  After finding that Linda had a stricture, I've been trying to see if that is a problem with me.  But I don't think so.  Just normal things that I should be doing.  (Linda-I hope all is so much better for you now!!)

I've been eating yogurt with a scoop of protein added for breakfast, protein for lunch and protein for dinner.  I don't snack much.  But I did find a Kashi protein cereal that I have a few handfulls and it gives me the crunchy satisfaction.  I've been drinking Crystal Light Orange with added Crystal Light Ruby Grapefruit and two scoops of unflavored protein once a day.  I put this in a 32 oz cup and it tastes so good.  I'm a big water drinker so this is easy to get down.  I haven't been tracking my food or protein.  Maybe this would help me know where I am.

Bill and I have been walking through the neighborhood in the evenings.  As much as I love the walking, I love the chance to be with him and chat.  I cherish my time with him.  He has to have surgery again tomorrow.  A drain that they put in his throat is not working correctly so it has to be repositioned.  Poor guy.  We go to see the radiologist today to see about the radiation treatment and when it will start.  And he went to an oncology dentist.  He'll have to have all of his teeth pulled.  The radiation does something to the bone that makes this necessary since he has bad teeth.  I'm in love with a toothless hillbilly!!  He's a strong man and I am in awe of how he is handling all of this.  He's able to talk about his feelings and the whole thing.  It helps me to understand where he is. 

My mom has been having a difficult time.  She's extremely depressed and my dad is really frustrated with her.  She's failing, may have to have vascular surgery and is scared to death.  She has no other support system than me.  She has friends but they talk on a casual basis.  I try to get her to work through her fears but it's really difficult at her age (79).  She wants to go back down to Florida so badly but I don't know if we can let her be down there by herself now.  She doesn't feel at home here anymore although all of her things are set up downstairs like an apartment.  I feel really bad for her during this trying time.

So to say I'm under a little stress is to put it lightly.  I'm trying to remember to take care of myself and can do better.  I know that I'm worth it.  And in the long run I will be successful. 

Bill was finally able to come home today.  He's had little sleep in the last week.  I can imagine how good it feels to be in your own bed.  I spent a few nights overnight there, so I do understand.  I slept a lot today.  Trying to remember to take care of myself.

I think all of the pushing of the wheelchair and the walking with Bill helped me to lose a few extra pounds.  So see, there is a benefit somewhere.  I've been trying to eat better in spite of the schedule.  It's amazing how we get into a rhythym.  And then when it's off, we don't remember the important things.  I had a taco for lunch today.  I'm so surprised I was able to eat it.  I've been throwing up so often lately.  But maybe letting my stomach recoup for a few days has helped me to be able to eat again.  My cat Bear and I shared a piece of turkey.  It's a toss up as to who liked it better.  Protein, protein, protein. 

I have to go to the grocery store tonight to get foods for us.  Bill is on a soft diet.  He said it's frustrating the limits he has for food.  Boy I most certainly know how he feels.  I told him been there, done that!!  But as his throat heals he'll be able to eat again.  So this household is food sensitive at the moment. 

It's been quite the eventful week.  Starting with me...  Good news.  6 weeks post-op and down 31 pounds.  It seems like 5 pounds a week is my pace at this point.  Total is 50 pounds.  I had a pair of pants that were too big for me even when I was my heaviest.  Nothing was clean so I wore a pair the other day.  They're like clown pants now.  Too fun!

I have been having a difficult time eating.  I think I'm still eating too fast and so I tend to throw up.  Small bites slowly.  I should incorporate that as my mantra.  But things have been stressful lately, so I can attribute it to that also.

Bill has cancer.  He had surgery on Monday.  It's tonsil cancer, which is rare.  It happens to about 8000 people a year.  Three times as many men as women.  It's most likely due to smoking.  The good news is that he doesn't have lung cancer.  They took out his tonsils, did some throat reconstruction, and took out lymph nodes.  He has 30 staples from his adams apple to behind his left ear.  He's still in the hospital.  I've spent all of my free time here.  There's no place else I'd rather be.  We found out that he has to have radiation because she's not sure she got it all.  I've read about the radiation and I'm not going to tell him.  He'll just worry if he has specific details.  Let him deal with it as he goes.

It's a challange to remember to take care of me during this time.  I haven't been hungry so I haven't been eating well.  And throwing up doesn't help.  Time to regroup and concentrate.  Now that it's the weekend I should be able to do better.  I haven't been exercising.  That's been bad.  But these past few days I've been pushing Bill around the hospital in the wheelchair so that's something.  Things are so far apart from each other here that it makes for a good trek.

Bottom line:  I'm okay.  Bill wil be okay.  Keep us in your prayers. 

I'm settling into a food groove.  Eating three meals a day.  I do get hungry, especially in the morning.  But it's a toss up between being thirsty and being hungry.  I usually want to drink first but then have to wait the half hour to eat.  This does not work well when you want to sleep until the last minute in the mornings.  So I've found that eating first then bringing a bottle of water with me in the car works best on week days.

It's been quite the ride eating food.  I think that my problem hasn't been with what I eat more so how fast I eat.  These old habits are so difficult to change.  I miss sitting down to a large meal and being able to eat a plateful of food.  Before I never thought "can my stomach hold all of this food"?  But that's all I think about now.  I've thrown up so many times I feel like a newborn.  I guess in a way I am.  I just have to be more patient when I eat.  Change out the shovel for a baby spoon!

47 pounds total lost.  I had a bit of a slow two weeks, but thanks to reading OH I know not to get discouraged.  It really helped to keep me from getting frustrated.  Onward and upward is what i say!

I can't believe it's already been a month since I had surgery.  A total of 21 pounds lost and 40 since I started this journey.

I've been on solid foods now for two days.  I went to lunch yesterday with a coworker and ordered salmon, mashed potatoes and green beans.  This was a normal size meal for me in the past.  Now it's 4 meals.  How strange that my stomach and eyes have changed.  I miss sitting down to a large meal.  The habit of doing so is strong.  I'm finding lots of changes as the days go by.

My mom is back home and doing well.  I'm glad they kept her in rehab until she was strong enough to take care of herself.

I can tell the weight loss in my face and in my clothing.  This weekend my mom and I are going to go through my closet of sizes and bunch them together so I know where they are as I move through them.  Yes, I'm the one who has a walk in closet full of clothes that don't fit and throw the ones I normally wear on the floor.  Guess I'll get to throw them to Goodwill.