ObesityHelp

I'm almost a year out and I'm at 246, which is down just about 160 lbs. I've been slipping up eating wise, nothing too bad calorie content wise, but good lord the carbs. I'm taking three exercise classes when I start back to school in January. I'll also have my own kitchen, which will be 100X better for my eating habits.


There are a lot of things I can do now, like walk all day in heels. I can walk in heels period! I feel so much better about myself and I try to dress up and stuff. I still have a loooong way to go, probably about 75 more lbs and way later on I'll have plastics. It sounds so weird to say "only 75 lbs." I have never in my life been able to say I "only" have 75 lbs to lose.

I notice a lot more attention, from both men and women. It's kind of hard to get used to. Some days I like it, some days I hate it. This journey, mentally, has been about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. One day you think you look awesome and you feel great, and the next day it disgusts you to look in the mirror. That's no joke. Sometimes I'm so disgusted when I look in the mirror that I dry heave. Part of it is because of the skin, but another part is because I have no concept of a smaller self. It scares me every single time I see myself because it's a stranger looking back at me. Who is this person? What kind of person is she? Is she trying to replace me? I know that one day I will probably need to seek some sort of professional help, which is par for the course for a lot of WLS people.

The real thing that sometimes gets to me is the way people treat you differently. I've never been on the other side of the fence, so I had no idea what to expect. Store clerks go out of their way to help you. I went to buy fireworks the other day and the man showed me every single thing (and this was a huge place), explained how they worked, the price, he joked around with me, and so on. That has NEVER happened to me before. The other day a man held the door for like 30 seconds until I got to it. People smile at you, random strangers strike up conversations. Even my friends have changed. They make comments like "wow, I'm going to have to start hitting on you." Or, "wow, you're turning out to be a really hot chick. We might have to get married."

Physically, I feel great. I'm about to finish up an entire marching season with a college band, which is something I never thought I would do. It's worth noting that I started out this journal talking about realizations and the experience I shared was when I was invited to help the local high school band out for their halftime show at homecoming, and I couldn't even march the short distance into the stadium. This semester alone I've marched about 12 pregame and halftime shoes altogether, and am about to do my 3rd parade in a couple of weeks, not to mention all the practice we did almost every single day.

I am so so thankful for this surgery and all the opportunities it has afforded me thus far. It's very hard. But it's very worth it.

Well, I went on vacation this past week. A couple of friends and I loaded up the car and road tripped to DC and NYC. I was a little apprehensive about all the potential walking. I really didn't know what I was in for. We must've walked five or more miles per day. And you know what? I fuckin made it through just fine. Sure, I'd have to rest here and there and I was downing water like crazy, but I made it. I would have NEVER been able to do that six or even three months ago. There was a particular moment where I felt like I'd triumphed and that happened at Arlington National Cemetery. I went up to Lee's Arlington house. Those of you who've been there know exactly what I mean. For those who haven't, there are a shitload of stairs that go up a hill. And they're the long stairs that take two or three steps on each. I was so elated when I got to the top, I just couldn't believe it. I felt like Rocky, lol!
In NYC, I climbed stairs like crazy because of the subways. Mad props to any fat ppl living in NYC. I saw most of everything I wanted to see and had a really great time. I am so thankful for this surgery.

I had also decided that if there was a food I wanted to try and it wasn't very sugary, I'd go ahead and try it. So, I ate basically what I wanted. For instance, I had 1/5 slice of New York style pizza, a couple pieces of some german chocolate, and so on. And I fucking lost 11 pounds during the trip! My brand new pants starting falling off. I am seriously so blessed.

Band camp starts next week and then school starts the week after. At the moment, I'm about to pass up my high school weight. I haven't weighed under this in at least 12 years. Life is good. God is good.