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  • Comment by Shelley S. on 2/26/08 5:12 am
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eclin49's Blog
eclin49's Blog

highs and lows
posted on 9/14/08 7:09 am
I got up yesterday morning and stepped on the scale....another 3.5 pounds  have fallen off of me so I have now lost 78.5 pounds.  WOW.  Ron had mentioned that we would have to dig out our weeding shirts when we go to the San Juans next summer to celebrate our 10 year anniversary so I got brave and tried mine on yesterday. It fits now!!! I wore it out of the bedroom to show him.  He said he guessed he would have to buy me a new shirt next summer cuz that one wont fit in June.  I was giddy with joy.  We then went to Wal-Mart and none of the carts were working which put an end to my joy.....to top things off they still didn't have my peach tea and I am on my last tube.  We decided to go to the Chehalis one on our way to find the KOA in Bay Center.  I also decided after much grumbling that I couldn't let that bump in the road take over my day so I let it go and let the joy rush back in. 
I know that I need to ween myself off that cart and I have gone into a few stores and not used it and will try to do that more often as more weight falls off.  I haven't used my office chair in the kitchen except to sit down on while I am waiting cooking for a week now.  That is a major accomlishment for me.  I have to let go of the crutches that helped me function at 313 pounds because they are not only physical crutches but mental crutches.  I find that my mind hasn't quite caught up with my body in that respect.  I look in the mirror and do see a smaller me but when I am doing something I find that my mind still wants to put restrictions on me because I still think like I weigh 313.  This is something that I am going to have to work on.

I got to work on Monday and my bus was in the shop.  The spare bus that I was assigned was in the back of the lot.  I immediately began to panick that I wouldn't be able to walk that far and then walk back in and tried to figure out how I was going to manage it and still do my job...and also if the seat belt would fit or I would fit behind the steering whell....etc.  Well I didn't have a problem walking out there at all and no other problems either.  Silly me....silly brain.  It was really hot that afternoon so my long walk in was strained but I did it and wasn't huffing and puffing (I was just sweating) when I got in.  The next morning my bus was fixed and I was excited at the prospect of heat....but there was no heat.  I drove it the rest of the day and noticed that I had coolant leaking out on the ground.  The next morning I took it up to the shop and told them ....still no heat and why is that coolant coming out.  They checked it out and discovered that the mechanic had neglected to hook everything up so.....back out to the back of the lot for me and back into the shop for the bus.  Thursday morning it was fixed right this time and the kids were happy to get on a toasty bus.

This is an example of what I mean about my brain still thinking I weigh 313 pounds.  When I am presented with doing something that I don't normally do on a daily basis and especially if it is something that I had difficulty with in the past, I immediately begin to panic and worry about how I am going to ever be able to do it.  It sounds silly as I write it down but at the time it is happening, it doesn'f feel silly at all.

I go to the Dr tomorrow.  I think they will be very pleased with my progress.  I was disappointed in myslef last month for not going but I just didn't want to face scorn or disapproval for not loosing very much (even though I was gone for all but of a few days on vacations or staying in a motel and eating out...I was ok with where I was but didn't think they would be), but I think they will be ok with my weight loss.  I don't know if I need to get a fill though.  I will trust their judgement.


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