Thursday is your
day! Just remember
you are on the
journey of a
lifetime. Try to
enjoy every minute.
It may sound weird
now, but know that
you are cared for
and prayed for here,
and all too soon
this will be but a
memory and you will
be an inspiration to
someone else. I am
waiting for you on
the losers' bench!
~JudyAnne~
I'm approved!!! Wow...less than one week, and I'm already approved!!! I am SOOOO relieved!! This, of course, is the one thing that prevented me from fully accepting that I am definitely going to be making a life change...and now that I have insurance approval, half of the battle is over (although I do realize I have a big battle ahead of me!)....whew.. Well time to load up on supplements, and various other things to prepare me for post-op life. My surgery date is January 10. Wow...CRAZY!!!
Well....I did it. I had my very last of the 6 months supervised diet appointments yesterday...whew. I brought in a print out of my insurance companies coverage positon on bariatric surgery, and where they list out everything that must be included in my physician's letter...so I tried to give it to my PCP and she sort of seem offended, brushed it aside, and said "oh oh, I already have a template that I use." Ok....but my surgeon's office specifically told me to relay that pharmacotherapy options MUST be included in the letter, as my insurance company has been cracking down on that lately....she really didn't seem to be listeing to me. I hope her ego doesn't get the best of her, and she remembers to put the pharmacotherapy in the letter...ugh...the stress. I also had an appointment with my surgeon. I gained weight since my last appointment with him, and he was not happy about it. I really needed him to lecture me, and told him so....so he even did a little finger pointing and threatened that he would not do the surgery if I didn't lose weight. It worked. I'm officially scared, so today.....grocery store for protein drinks, chicken breasts, and veggies. I think I'm going to do the Atkins induction up until surgery. So, thats another worry of mine....the surgeon's office is handing in all of the paperwork to my insurance company as I wait for approval. They tell me Cigna usually takes 15-30 days to reply with an answer. I am so nervous about this...because their decision also decides my future....ugh. I suppose I could pay out of pocket, but that would mean I'd be pretty poor for the next few years, which in all honesty...is probably worth it, but anyway...insurance approval would be a better option. :)....so....I wait. :-/ Keep your fingers crossed!!!
Just a little update, that is all. So I'm trucking along, going with the motions. I have my last supervised diet (6th one) appointment on December 4, and an appointment with my surgeon the same day. I REALLY want to get insurance approval by December 10, but I know that is REALLY pushing it. If I don't, then I can't have my surgery in January like I want, and I will have to wait until February! Ugh, that will suck. This is all due to schedule conflicts with work. I start spring semester of grad school January 23, so it would be very convenient for me to have the surgery before then...but oh well, I'm not going to get too hung up on it. My mom just had the lap band surgery with the same surgeon, so I was able to check out the hospital, the room and nursing unit, and the nurses. It all looked pretty normal to me. My mom was very upset with the nursing care, but as a nurse myself, I sympathize with nurses and the work load they carry, so I stuck up for them (she wasn't too happy with that, haha).
In other news, my ex boyfriend from when I was 17 is in town visiting and has been calling me almost everyday to meet up. I of course and avoiding him like the plague, as the last time he saw me I weighed about 160...yeah, definitely not the case now, and he has no clue. I just keep thinking of how maybe this time next year I will be feeling better about the way I look and will have the nerve to meet up with old friends as they visit the area.....ugh, its the little things.
So this week was pretty much full of pre-op "stuff". Thank goodness I have a nurses schedule and have plenty of days off during the week to get to these appointments. Yesterday I had a bunch of blood work done and I had to start a 24 hour urine collection. Today I had the dreaded upper GI...ugh that was rough.
Anyway, overall I'm really just feeling like crap. My arm is totally screwed up because the phlebotomist basically butchered my antecubital looking for a vein. Also, I had to go off my beta-blocker for a couple of days and take Norvasc so that it would not interfere with the 24 hour urine collection. Well my doctor gave me the smallest dose of Norvasc possible (seems he forgot he also recently changed my beta blocker from the smallest dose, to double the dose)....well it certainly was not enough to keep my blood pressure down. I could TELL it up was. I felt dizzy, I had a headache most of the day, I could even feel my pulse pumping as I lay in bed....ugh, how dangerous! I'm really angry at the doc that that even happened....Also, in collecting the 24 hour urine...I started to notice something. I don't pee a lot. Also, it was dark pee. I must be totally dehydrated. So i totally loaded up on water yesterday and bought some protein drinks to pull the water out. I really need to be more careful!!! I'm a little worried that my 24 hour urine is going to come back a little wacky and my doc may not approve my surgery....ugh, that would suck.
Anyway, i don't know what it is, but I'm in a sour mood. Last night I was crying thinking about how I am 26 years old and have high blood pressure and possibly some sort of kidney issue. I hate that I let myself get this way. I'm totally digusted with myself.
Well....I guess my story starts as a child. I was always just a little bit bigger than my friends, but I wouldn't totally say I was chubby or fat....just never "skinny." Looking back now, I attribute my poor eating habits to my parents divorce when I was 5, and subsequent absentee father. I think I was an emotional eater, even back then! Luckily, once puberty hit, I shot up to 5'7'' and was average weight throughout most of high school...so I enjoyed lots of boyfriends, activities, and was very social. I do remember hardly ever eating in high school. I would never eat breakfast, I would have a diet soda for lunch, and then would have field hockey or cheerleading practice, and dinner when I would come home. I think eventually I got sick of starving, so right around the age of 18 (with my driver's license) I began to eat. With a car, I was able to drive, and thus had access to many fast food facilities...the weight began creeping on.
By college, my freshman fifteen was more like freshman 50. I was stressed and very hard myself with my studying, and I ate to ease the stress. I soon found myself eating not only on bad/stressful days...but even on good days....got an A on the midterm? Let's go to McDonald's!....
Now at age 26, I am morbidly obese. It has severely affected my lifestyle. I do not feel myself. I do not enjoy the things I want to enjoy simply because my confidence level is so low, and I am constantly worried about what I look like....not to mention a lot of activities are physically taxing on my body. I find myself putting up with a lot of bullsh*t from men....from jerks to guys who show no more interest in me then a sexual encounter....and frankly, I'm sick of it. I feel people see right through me at this weight, as if I am not a person. I long to find a man who will cherish me and respect me, and I feel once I build my confidence up, he will come along... Most of all, I would like to start a family someday, and I know at the weight I am now, that is nearly impossible.
As of today, October 17, 2007, I have completed 4/6 months of supervised diet, psych consult, and nutrition consult. I am hoping to have my surgery in early January....I am looking forward to improving myself!
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