on May 29, 2008 9:21 am
Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this thing.
I've really gotten used to my sleeve. Just how much I can handle, and what I can handle. Still can't eat eggs. Chicken upsets my stomach. Nuts and steak really get my gallbladder going. I eat popsicles and lunchables... and that's pretty much all. Nothing else sits well. I enjoy it though.
I started drinking alcohol again. Doesn't really do anything for me. I'll get buzzed for a few minutes, and then it goes away really quick.
Most of my problems have been emotional. That is what's such a struggle. I know it's a mixture of hormones mixed with life anyway, but somedays I feel like it's killing me. I just never feel happy anymore. And I know a big majority of that is when Aspen died. I just feel so responsible. Yesterday I took Max to the bay and just ran around and played with him and cried. I think I cried 75% of yesterday. It was my day off, and I didn't do anything productive. Something about the water always heals me, and it did feel good. It just didn't heal as much as I wished. Every night I try and go to sleep and relive that day she died over and over in my head. It's too much.
Work keeps me going. I feel like I practically live there. It's not bad though, I love being there. I love doing hair and I love learning new things. I'm all about making some money, so that's a plus as well! I'm doing a lot better than I ever imagined.
Brings me to this song I'm feeling lately, 'no matter what' by t.i.
I lost my partna and my daughter in the same year
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah and I hope the picture painted clear
If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and im still chillen
Easy,let go and let god deal wit it
i aint dead (naw)
i aint done (naw)
i aint scared (of what!)
i aint run ( from who!)
but still i stand (yeah)
no matterr what people here i am... (Yeah)
no matter what remember
I aint break (neva)
I aint fold (neva)
They hate me mo’ ( so!)
Yeah I know… (haha)
Here I go (yeah)
No matter what shawty here I go (hah)
No matter what shawty
no matter what, i'm gonna make it. i've lost my best friends and my daughter, i can do anything. everything is a lesson, i just know something better is bound to happen. can't ever give up.
1 comment | Click here to leave a comment.I've really gotten used to my sleeve. Just how much I can handle, and what I can handle. Still can't eat eggs. Chicken upsets my stomach. Nuts and steak really get my gallbladder going. I eat popsicles and lunchables... and that's pretty much all. Nothing else sits well. I enjoy it though.
I started drinking alcohol again. Doesn't really do anything for me. I'll get buzzed for a few minutes, and then it goes away really quick.
Most of my problems have been emotional. That is what's such a struggle. I know it's a mixture of hormones mixed with life anyway, but somedays I feel like it's killing me. I just never feel happy anymore. And I know a big majority of that is when Aspen died. I just feel so responsible. Yesterday I took Max to the bay and just ran around and played with him and cried. I think I cried 75% of yesterday. It was my day off, and I didn't do anything productive. Something about the water always heals me, and it did feel good. It just didn't heal as much as I wished. Every night I try and go to sleep and relive that day she died over and over in my head. It's too much.
Work keeps me going. I feel like I practically live there. It's not bad though, I love being there. I love doing hair and I love learning new things. I'm all about making some money, so that's a plus as well! I'm doing a lot better than I ever imagined.
Brings me to this song I'm feeling lately, 'no matter what' by t.i.
I lost my partna and my daughter in the same year
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah and I hope the picture painted clear
If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and im still chillen
Easy,let go and let god deal wit it
i aint dead (naw)
i aint done (naw)
i aint scared (of what!)
i aint run ( from who!)
but still i stand (yeah)
no matterr what people here i am... (Yeah)
no matter what remember
I aint break (neva)
I aint fold (neva)
They hate me mo’ ( so!)
Yeah I know… (haha)
Here I go (yeah)
No matter what shawty here I go (hah)
No matter what shawty
no matter what, i'm gonna make it. i've lost my best friends and my daughter, i can do anything. everything is a lesson, i just know something better is bound to happen. can't ever give up.











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