Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this thing.

I've really gotten used to my sleeve. Just how much I can handle, and what I can handle. Still can't eat eggs. Chicken upsets my stomach. Nuts and steak really get my gallbladder going. I eat popsicles and lunchables... and that's pretty much all. Nothing else sits well. I enjoy it though.

I started drinking alcohol again. Doesn't really do anything for me. I'll get buzzed for a few minutes, and then it goes away really quick.


Most of my problems have been emotional. That is what's such a struggle. I know it's a mixture of hormones mixed with life anyway, but somedays I feel like it's killing me. I just never feel happy anymore. And I know a big majority of that is when Aspen died. I just feel so responsible. Yesterday I took Max to the bay and just ran around and played with him and cried. I think I cried 75% of yesterday. It was my day off, and I didn't do anything productive. Something about the water always heals me, and it did feel good. It just didn't heal as much as I wished. Every night I try and go to sleep and relive that day she died over and over in my head. It's too much.

Work keeps me going. I feel like I practically live there. It's not bad though, I love being there. I love doing hair and I love learning new things. I'm all about making some money, so that's a plus as well! I'm doing a lot better than I ever imagined.

Brings me to this song I'm feeling lately, 'no matter what' by t.i.


I lost my partna and my daughter in the same year
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah and I hope the picture painted clear
If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and im still chillen
Easy,let go and let god deal wit it

i aint dead (naw)
i aint done (naw)
i aint scared (of what!)
i aint run ( from who!)
but still i stand (yeah)
no matterr what people here i am... (Yeah)
no matter what remember
I aint break (neva)
I aint fold (neva)
They hate me mo’ ( so!)
Yeah I know… (haha)
Here I go (yeah)
No matter what shawty here I go (hah)
No matter what shawty



no matter what, i'm gonna make it. i've lost my best friends and my daughter, i can do anything. everything is a lesson, i just know something better is bound to happen. can't ever give up.

so i've started a good work out plan. i've checked out the gym here and got a good list of programs they offer. i did an aerobic thing the other day with those big balls. woo wee, that was fun! and a good work out! and it helped break my stall. (or at least i say that) i moved down to 239. wow. that made my day, and i'm yearning to see 229. i'm getting there! slowly but surely! i'm just working on getting my work out routine down... and i know i'll be doing better!

i filled out a billion applications this past weekend. and i've got a few offers. so tomorrow i have to go pack up all my stuff. yay! i'm ready for a larger salon! and i feel like i'm ready! woo hoo!

i've gotta get to bed! this insomnia is driving me up a wall! hope everyone else is having a great day and week out there in wls land

"You have such a pretty face, you're going to be really hot when you loose that weight."



I guess that's just sitting really heavy with me right now. I don't look in the mirror and see a horribly gross person looking back, so I guess I just feel insulted that I'm not, okay right now? I hate being told I have a pretty face. It super bothers me. I'd rather not hear a word than hear parts of me are acceptable. I know deep down I'll never be 'hot', but I would like to think of myself as a fairly attractive person. From the top of my head to my last little toe. I don't want to have pieces of me isolated. Gah.

Something good though, I went to old navy and bought size 18 jeans and a skirt. Yay! That's another size down! This is getting pretty awesome. It's been a hot minute since I could wear that size. I'm getting there... slowly but surely! So even though the scale hasn't moved, the inches are coming off! I know this is going to be a hard journey, but I'm determined to make it!


Goodnight.

i had my first follow up appointment. i've lost 21 pounds since surgery! Yay! Tomorrow will be 2 weeks, so I'd say I'm doing pretty well! I've been walking a lot and doing lots of ab work at home. I refuse to be all flabby! I know I've had a flat stomach before, I will again!

I got cleared to eat food today! Yay! I had some pizza tonight. I say pizza, but actually i just had a couple bites of the cheese a couple pepperonis, lol. Didn't take much before I was like UGH. Too much food! I could knock back half a pizza no problem before, now I can't even eat half the top! It's amazing to me, though. I love it!! I'm going to start drinking some slim fast in the morning, and I've got a few protein bars to help get in what I need. I love this lifestyle, I really do.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to work again. I've been kinda in and out all week, haven't had a lot of clients this month, but hopefully it picks up. Me and my hubby are going putt putt golfing again tomorrow night with another couple. There's a cheap place around here that we can go out and have fun doing it!

I've been having some Wow moments lately. My bra's all fit great! And my boobs are a whole cup size smaller! It's wonderful. I now have that space between my boobs again, not just one monster boob. My shirts fit better, and guess what?! My black pants that are a size 20 FELL OFF TODAY! Like, lifted my arms and they fell straight to the floor! It was amazing. I love shrinking


I think I'm going to go watch some celebrity rehab before bed. Goodnight everyone!

well today was defiantly a better day compared to yesterday. i woke up knowing that this was the right thing to do, otherwise it wouldn't have happened so fast. everything is meant to be, and i have to remind myself that everyday. i've drank a lot more today, didn't really keep up on the measurements though. oh well. went for a great walk earlier with aspen, my golden retriever. that was well worth it. the temperature was hot hot hot and i sweat a lot! felt really good. especially when i came home and saw that i'm not 240! only 2 pounds left and i'm lighter than my husband! haha. very exciting news there! i'm also only 20 pounds away to what i was my senior year. funny how i hated how fat i was then, and now i can't wait to be that size! well, just wanted to get all that out. i have my first post op appointment tomorrow morning, hoping all goes well there. i'm off to watch some tv before bed! goodnight!