OK; so my Birthday is quickly approaching! And for the first time in more years than I can remember the one wish I have wished for more years than I can remember I finally have. I’M HEALTHY, LIVING, AND LOVING LIFE! I don’t really know how I feel, to finally have what I have wished for, for soooo long. It’s funny sometimes I look at pictures of me and CANT believe it’s me. I not only look different, I feel different, I think different, I move different, I believe different, I talk different the bottom line is GINA is different and with that there are some good and some bad. However, I’m me and I’m learning to continue to accept the changes in not only me but the people around me who are accepting me and who aren’t. So happy Birthday to Gina!

Can you look in the mirror and truthfully accept your emotional role in the lives of the people in your life that you love, there are 6 categories:

The Narcissist –Their motto “always me first” everything is all about them

The victim – Their motto “poor me” and unable to take responsibility for their actions

The controller – Their motto “I know best” obsessively try to control and dictate your words and feelings

The Splitter or Borderline Personality – Their motto “love you/hate you” having a sixth sense for knowing how to pit people against each another and will retaliate if they feel you have wronged them.

The drama queen – Their motto “the more the better” exaggerates everything

The complainer - Their motto “find the negative in everything” Will always find a reason to complain

To be a crackhead or not!

Who would have thought ANYONE would say I look like a crackhead! Do I feel insulted or complimented? I don't know how I feel. It's funny because when i look in the mirror I still see that sad "FAT"girl looking back. I understand, comprehend, and acknowledge that I have lost weight but the exact amount is questionable. What I see and what everyone else See's is TOTALLY different.
I mean, I love me and I love the change my body has gone through. I just sometimes have a hard time seeing past and weighing out and through the insults and the compliments.
Example:
OMG
You look like a stick
Your head is so big
WOW, now that is what a woman is "suppose" to look like
you almost look sick
how much more you plan to lose, don't you think you NEED to stop!
You look better than before
You looks like a totally different person, you are really pretty
I could go on, which ones are compliments and which ones are insults?

Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing that I have done. Having surgery has been the BEST decision I have made in a long time. I just wasn't prepared for the "World ~ and their thoughts, views, and comments. When I first started going through the process to have surgery I started saying my JOURNEY, I never knew how true that statement would become reality!!!

How is it the ones I thought I knew so well has become such strangers? Is the deceit within me or within the ones that I use to hold so true and dear. My heart still beats non-stop, my passion is still undeniable, and my love continues to be everlasting. The only true change is my exterior. Did you find comfort in my misery? Joy in my torment? Content in my loneness and isolation? A sense of power in my weakness and fears? How do I continue this journey ALONE? I thought my support system was unbreakable and eternal. I put my faith, my success, and my trust in the hands of people who PROVED to be inadequate and unreliable. In people who are proving they are only capable of loving me on their terms, as they need, when they need, and how they need all while being oblivious to my needs, wants, and sacrifices. But guess what? I’m OK, I’m still surviving, maintain, and achieving. How sweet it COULD have been for us to have shared this together. I think about all the time, energy, effort, and LOVE I invested in you and really believed that our friendship, connection, and love could and would stand the test of time. Believe it or not, I don’t regret a thing! All MY life lessons, good or bad are footprints engraved in my storybook. A storybook that I have used to make it this far without you, a storybook that has taught me the true meaning of FRIENDSHIP, TRUST, LOYALITY, COMPASSION, HAPPINESS, STRENGTH, LOVE and A STORYBOOK THAT HAS SHOWN ME HOW TO ACCEPT AND BE OK IN MY OWN SKIN!!!!!!!! But most of all a storybook that has shown and proved UNCERTAINTY IS THE ONLY CERTAINTY!!!! This is to taking back, having, holding and never ever again giving away the key to MY HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!