fairy_kissez

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So it’s been a year since surgery and I have contemplated over and over in my head what I would say in my one year bandiversary post, I was hoping to say that I reached my personal goal but I did not. I wanted to be less than 200 lbs a year out, and missed it by a whole 7lbs. These 7 lbs have seemed to be my demon, and I am fighting it with all I have left in me.

I have my days where I absolutely love love love my band, and then there are days when I want to rip it out and stomp on it because it shouldn’t be this hard! When I started my journey I think I had some unrealistic expectations of what the band could do for me, reality set in once I understood that it’s up to me and the band won’t save me from ….me!. I have to make better choices, and my band is just a tool. It is totally up to me to make it work or not. Do I have regrets?? Sure don’t we all, but I don’t regret my band even on the days when I hate the bitch! It has slapped me with reality and the reality is that I have to change and not expect the band to change me.  

I am still a work in progress…I still have quite a few more lbs to loose and hopefully I will learn the lessons I am determined to learn and be done with this part of the journey. My Dr. thinks that I am too hard on myself and I have exceeded his expectations….but what it comes down to for me is the number on my scale that little number that has eluded me……….but it is ok I will get there!

What I have learned about myself and my eating habits are amazing. Before surgery I could have sat there and said “I don’t eat that much, why am I fat” LMAO after surgery and the portion sizes I get now was a wakeup call, hell yeah I ate a ton!! I had no concept of what a portion size was…but I do now! I also learned that my addiction was a lot worse than I ever thought. I am totally addicted to food and I eat my feelings. Now I find that I can easily be addicted to things that I thought was impossible before like peanut butter (probably my demon) and coffee! I need to work on those issues in order to become successful once I reach goal or else this would all have been for nothing.

What I can do now that I couldn’t do before….

·         Run….hated it before, but it’s not that bad once you get used to it. Sometimes it is actually fun, NOT just an evil necessity!

·         Work out for an hour a day!

·         Cross my legs comfortably and look good doing it…not like I’m trying to hard lol!

·         Can climb stairs without be totally exhausted.

·         I can breathe…before it was using an inhaler (was a smoker prior to surgery) being able to breathe is the best thing that could have come out of this whole experience. If anything else I love my doc for making me quit and that is the best thing I could have done for my health.

·         I sleep much better now and a lot of my insomnia has gone away!

·         I can play with my kids………I can run circles around them now……this is one that I am proudest for.

·         Wear my 12 year old daughter’s clothes!!!!

·         Walk in heels and not look like I’m going to tumble over or die from the pain!!

There are also things that are not so great, like still not being comfortable in my body. I find that I am trying to cover up even more than I did before because let’s face it hanging skin is just not pretty!!!. My anxiety got worse, I suspect because I gave up every crutch I had (eating and smoking) and have nothing to that helps to relieve that. I would also like to point out that whoever said that exercise relieved stress is a big fat liar!!! Or maybe I’m so far gone that it just won’t work for me. I have decided that one of my goals is to address this issue with my Dr. and if need be take something to help with the symptoms.

So there it is the honest good bad and ugly…. I would like to say to those who are thinking about the lap band to be really sure that you can handle it. I have said many times before it takes a strong ass person to work the band and to maintain on the band. Make sure you have realistic expectations of what the band can do it is just a tool; the band can’t choose the foods you put in your mouth it can only stop you from eating more of them.

I was just telling my hubby “can you believe it has already been a year?” but seriously it may have flew by but there were some trials that just dragged ass. I’m hanging in there, I love you all for being there for me though it all. I could not have asked for better people to share my journey with!!!