My struggle is REAL!  My war with weight and to gain control of addictive eating behaviors are just as real to me, as a person that battles for their freedom from their oppressors across the seas.  FAT IS MY OPPRESSOR!!!  FOOD ADDICTIONs ARE MY OPPRESSORS!  I wake up every day very aware of my battle.  And sometimes, I just get plain tired of the battle and I throw my hands in the air and surrender to my appetites and strong genetic predispostions.  The past year, has been one of those times. 

One year ago, I weighed 60 pounds less than I do today.  I had worked out fairly regularly for the couple years prior and felt like I could not EVER go back to my old ways.  Then I got hit with a bout of sickness, depression and levels of stress from external events that put me over the edge.  My workouts slowed, food intake increased, I started to feel the fat take back my life.  I fought it for a few months, hanging on with a very small string.  I would lose some ground, then take the ground back.  I managed to wage an active battle for a while, then, it all got too much.  Life started to pile more and more on me.  Then...it broke....that tiny string I was holding onto broke.  I did what I have done so many times before and tossed my hands in the air and surrendered to the power and debilitating effects of fat!  I let it take me captive once again, and before long, the true me became enveloped and overcome by layers and layers of fat!  One doughnut at a time, one missed workout at a time, one excuse at a time; and before long, I was gone!  I was a mere shadow of me, a big fat, ugly shadow of my real self!  I had once again became a prisoner to my own fat and my own fears or rejection because of that fat.  I became depressed, withdrawn and I isolated myself from everyone, even those closest to me.  I became so disgusted with who I allowed myself to become that I didn't want them to see me or judge me.  I no longer felt  worthy of being a good friend and my friends got pushed away, far away.  

Well, today, I am declaring war again!  I am taking back my life.  I am so tired of being miserable and isolated!  I miss me; my joyful, playful, fun me!  I miss laughing, smiling, sharing my life with others.  I miss my connections to others, my friendships, my family!  I miss wanting to get out of bed everyday and being productive.  I miss being able to put on my clothes and feel good in them.  I miss feeling great, looking great, and being my vibrant self!  Today...I am taking it back!  I don't know exactly how or what I will do, or even how long it will take me,  but I KNOW I am taking myself back.  I will not be smothered any longer by this fat.  I am declaring war, and this time....I WIN!!!