today is April 16 th 2006. a little sad as 1 yr. ago my fav. aunt died. today is easter. many mixed emotions going on now. first birthday without a cake in 50 yrs. i know that is probably stupid, but that's how emotionally attached to food that i am. then we found out my mom has parkinson's disease. that really rocked my world. she is my best friend in life. always there for me. so, i feel that i need to be closer to her. to help. it's in early stages the dr. said. i have my doubts.,but he's the expert. so, loving man that he is, my boyfriend agreed to put off moving down south for 3 yrs. and if things are the same we will move there for 6 months of the year. but, for now we ware going to move to a town closer to my family. my mom, dad and son. only 8 miles away instead of 50. my bf is great and i'm so blessed to have him.but, he is a big procrastinator. he told me to start looking. we went on sat. to look at houses. we found this one and feel in love. small town, close, but not too close to family. all on one floor which is big. we both have horrible knees. especially him since football and basketball years in air force and high school.on sun. we put in a bid and by tues. we are in. so, in 1 month she has to be out and we will start moving. that is all huge!!!! but, and this is big in a good way-- today i went with him to grocery and i wanted to get some stuff for his son and him in the way of clothes. i needed some shorts. man they were all really short. but i found a longer pair. i can wear a size 16!!! i am all the time mad because i don't cheat, but no weight loss for wks. at a time. i started out wearing a 24. so, i found a pair of jeans and a tank top, with a shrug, hate my arms. but, a 16!!!! anx-large top. yippie. i was so happy the dressing room lady said boy your happy. you must love easter. i told her why. she was happy for me. it's been a great day. yesterday i called the barix and my stomach hsa been burning like with gerd, but i also feel lightheaded or dizzy at times. the nurse told me to call my family dr. i told her he was gone for the day and i need help. she said to call him and go to specialist get a scope. she never let me talk to dr. that has always been protocal there. then i was trying to make my 6 month appt. and lady at desk said you don't need to come in just send bloodwork. he'll call if any problems. what the heck. my surgeon left, and turned me over to dr. vigliano. he doesn't know me. i feel abandoned by them. that is whay i chose the barix because i was assured they would be there for me always.i may try and call wanda dr. stelmacks nurse. she is there until june she said.i really don't like that head nurse. she has always been contrery with me. well, that's all for now. i gotta have a drink of protein.see ya lte

it has been awhile since i have written. i am 4 months out now. still so slow. my knee is still in so much pain, but went to a waterpark for my birthday weekend and that was an eye opener---oohh oohh weee!!!!!!!!!!! my boyfriend set all this up for my 50th. and i haven't seen myself full length. too much flabbiness. gross. needs to be tightened up badly. i am down 41 lbs. that’s it. my sister in law went down 20 just having a bladder surgery. i don't know why this is going this slow. i changed vitamins and have more energy at least. people are telling me i look skinny. yeah--in clothes maybe. but, it's time to get serious, no excuses of my knee. cause if i don't then i will look like a granny with old lady skin everywhere. so far my hair is starting to come out now. but, i'm hoping it is just gonna be a short lived thing. i'm alive and not throwing up and having a lot of problems like some do. i'm grateful, just venting out loud. my new life is coming along. and no longer when i walk in a room do people look away. it is a little scary though getting compliments. just not used to it at all.