ObesityHelp

Today I should have already had my surgery... today I was hoping that I would be recovering... today was suppose to start my new life.... well today is just a regularly ordinary day, same as always.  I had set this date as being when I would have my surgery.  It hasnt happened.  Dr. Stewart seems like a wonderful surgeon, all that I have met with him personally seems so great!  I am having problems with his office staff getting their act together to get me a surgery date.
I first met Dr. Stewart on March 15th.  ON that date I gave his office staff a pre determination to have a RNY done by Dr. Kim. along with all my other paper work.  ALL that needed to be done was to change the Pre D to being a DS instead of a RNY and to change the surgeons naamed.  It is now APRIL 22ND.  I called the insurance people... they STILL DO NOT HAVE ANY OF THE PAPER WORK NEEDED TO CHANGE MY SURGERY DATE! Upone calling the dr office they tell me the insurance person has taken a week vacation... great!! Another week has to transpire for me to get the info to the insurace company that needed to be done the first week I met Dr. S.  oh wait that did not happen because Leah their then insurance person was on vacation for 10 days.  WHAT THE HECK!!!  Do they not care that I get this done.  My husband has not lost his job, and I am having to COBRA so I can still get my surgery.  I was suppose to have it done by now. and I am still at ground WAITING!!!  so tired, I seriously have called them every 2- 3 days asking them to get the letter done, get the letter to the ins. and it still isn't done.  I do not know what to do.

Today I realized how tired I am of being overweight.  I am sick of feeling tired, out of breath and unmotivated.  My back and feet hurt all the time.  I have a hard time getting up and moving.  I have to ask my children to "go get" or "come here"  all the time, because I don't want to move.  Everytime I have to get up my feet hurt, once I walk a while the pain goes away, but I have to move slow.  I am seriously only 40 years old, but I feel like, what I would guess, 60 would feel like.  I still have dreams and goals I want to accomplish.  I want to be able to enjoy life with my 3 beautiful little girls.  Little Jenna is so loving and cute and inquisitive, but she is BORED!!!  I need to be able to go and do with all my girls.  My oldest thinks I am dumb or stupid, which is not the case at all,  but she perceves me as such I believe, because of my weight.  I absolutely know my husband loves me, but.... he gets tired of my overweight "laziness"  He loves who I am, he thinks I am beautiful, but I wish I really could be beautiful for him. "I" don't feel beautiful or sexy or desirable at this weight.  I can't believe I have gotten so big.  I seriously inside my head don't realize how big I am, until I look in the mirror or look at pictures of me.  I don't let pics being taken of me very often, cuz I hate how I look in them.  I absolutely know I have a lot to offer, I have a lot of things and life I want to live.  I feel trapped inside.  I feel like I can diet till the cows come home, but at the end of the day/ diet I am bigger in the end.  I have stopped dieting because I don't want to get any bigger.  I have decided to do a weightloss surgery the duodenal switch.  Through extensive research and comparison I changed my mind from the RNY to the DS.  I did not know the DS existed until reading about it on this website Obesityhelp.com.  As I was researching the RNY I was having extensive doubts of regaining.  I was hearing serveral people talk about regain after a few years.  I did not want to regain, I thought if i was going to go through this extensive surgery I wanted it to work.  I have failed so many other diets that I knew , with the %, I was always going to be the one on the gaining weight back %.  I need that to be as low as possible.  I love the fact that with the DS after 10 years the statistics say 85% of people still have kept off 50% of the weight, as opposed to the RNY of being 65%.  To me I love the different %'s  I love that I keep my pyloric valve.  I love I can use Ibduprophen, the only pain med that works for me. I love that I still can eat relatively normal.  I love the fact it is the most successful weightloss.  Unfortuately with all this it is the most invasive.  Most malnutrition, most vitamins afterward.  I am taking my vits now to get use to it and get my levels up as high as possible before the surgery.  
My insurance approved me to have the RNY.  Now I am just waiting to hear back now that I switched the different type to DS.  I am ready to have this done, nervous of course, but ready for my new life.
I will be exstatic with my weightloss surgery if I get down to 125... I have always dreamed of being 125, but I will be happy at 140 wich is what I am suppose to weigh.  I want to be healthy.  my dad has diabetes.  I am a cookie cutter of my dad.  The DS is the best surgery in preventing and treating diabetes.  I don't want that disease. I am concerned about all the skin after loosing weight.  After having Jenna my abdomen hangs lower already.  I can't imagine how low it is going to hang after all the fat is gone.  It is going to be ugly...but atleast I can have a skin removal eventually.  I already have skin rashes in the folds of my skin. Powder is a blessing.  I will be happy if I am able to jump out of bed and not have sore feet.  I will love being able to get on the floor and play with my baby.  I will love kneeling down and talking to my young children.  I will love being able to kneel in prayer.  I will love being able to serve people without myfeet hurting.  I will love being able keep a cleaner house for my family.  I will love being a cute sexy little dental hygienist that looks as healthy as she talks.  I will love having people take me seriously instead of overlooking me.  I will love being able to ride a rollercoaster with my girls.  I will love being able to love my husband completely. I will love his longing eyes looking at me. I will love being the woman he met a long time ago and have him have a trophy wife and realize he is amazing, cuz he has a beautiful woman.  Being healthy will bring a happier, successful, confident spirit into our home that will change my families life.  I can not wait to jog 5 miles again from the Capitol building to Lincoln Monument and back.  I will no longer jog in my dreams, but get to be healthy, confident, beautiful, active, exciting successful woman.