I still think of My Parents Pranks- dropping us off for school on a teacher Holiday, Dishing out Cat food for dinner ( turned out we ate out). Dad was always playing some Joke. Kind of missing him a lot lately. Mom is still here and can support me . This April Fools just reminds me I have yet to do my taxes and am trying not to think of the up coming surgery date planned. I know the surgery is needed and yet I know enough as a RN to be worried about the other details my Doctor is playing down right now. How he told me it is a level up from what the GYN stated and then tells me not to worry it isn't cancer yet . I saw the lab results on the test stating cancerous changes , not precancerous. My head is swimming with way too many things and I think the Fear is a big STRESSOR that causes me to eat stuff I shouldn't. Hormones make me feel pregnant then the food gets thrown up ( yes it has happened after 3 years I can throw up small amounts ) like I was pregnant.

     SLEEP - is what I need and as Medications are not responding the same way as pre-surgery ME , it is so Hard to find relief. Will the post op pain be as bad as the knee surgery and the abdominal pain I have now? Well my Bed calls . I only hope it is going to  relax me .

    I took an important call to remind me of the power of memory with food. I ate a toasted PBJ, honey peanut butter links memories to Grandfather making laster and PB or butter toast and the toasted Peanut butter brings back how my Father loved Warm melted taosted sandwiches good memories can still be maintained and I did not over eat. If anyone feels the need for some thing I really recommend try a piece not the whole kit and kaboodle (OKAY some limit control) , enjoy the memory and go forward no guilt in have a positive thought attributed to food , once in a while .

remember FOOD is really not an ENEMY of State!! it is essentail to LIFE

Ginn

April 19th I will be undergoing a bilateral ovarian removal the Uterus was over 10 years ago, a little nervous as Pain meds deffinetly do different than pre wt-loss surgery. My Job requires lifting and carry of children and adults at times. Kids do not listen to "DO NOT kick the belly" . This year has been crazy with health Family thankfully not all mine but stressful just the same .

I am excited and scared to be honest- This I feel is my Quest in conquering FEAR held inside for so many years of my Life; Before weight loss my saying to the people,  as friends was "I know I will die young". Now I have a Life worth living for even with problems that come this direction; I will survive and be better for this situation. . Nothing in Life is Guaranteed- I know and accept this FACT OF LIFE.

i will expect to have a little time off maybe depending on doctor recommendations as I have to be FULLY capable of all my job requirements , not partial return. Weight and comfort craving call - I just need prayer in assistance to prevent  fall back feeding.

     Onward just a few steps more each time - slowly sneaking up on the problems of life.......I will Survive all this Craziness no Matter what. My Oncologist broke ties to one group and now I am waiting for them to get the computers back up to schedule surgery. I am also trying to figure out work issues with PTO/ETO , FMLA. I know things will be okay and I focus right now on one breath one second, one minute , ect at a time. I work in an ER so I can keep busy and keep occupied until I have  more Info .

     I wanted to thank you all for the Support that has poured out from my last blog. I wish well to all on this site.

 Ginn

     Alright, Dear Lord above, as I have repeated many times: Enough is Enough! I a glad through all 46 years I have been alive, despite the medical opinion in my childhood that said I would die young. I have not always been happy - you never ever promised the rainbow until the end as a sign of hope. I  have overcome many things with your love and help. I gained weight until my body revolted when I called out and was given help through Medical science with gastric bypass to assist me in losing the weight. So ,in all these years I have overcome many obstacles CORRECT?! Well you won't give me more than I can handle, RIGHT?! please answer this prayer , can we quit the game right now ?! You obviously have more Faith in ME than I do as this moment.

    As I sit and type I am remembering all I have gone through with your assistance and I owe you many Thank You's and apologize  for my own choices and actions. I did the yearly Health stuff this year and now I am going to fight against Cancer? You are kidding ,are you not? One thing that is a great fear is the great CANCER deal ,now it is being  tossed at me. So I ramble on as always when in fear, anxiety and outright FEAR of the unknown that  I have no control over- Thank you for giving me a Man in Stevie that will support me and assist me through the issues. BUT,,, Really have a little less faith in my ability- I need a crisis break.