I really thought I was doing well with not having my Father here knowing he is in a better place without pain and yet I miss him terribly!!(!spelling off oh well). I really have thought I was okay but when I review my eating habits this week I see a sense of emotional eating without a defined emotion. So of course came the thinking and pondering..... I miss Daddy, his hug and stupid jokes with family around. I managed to keep it packed down during work but now I am off for a few days reality hits.
     I know he is proud of me finding myself again and getting healthy. I just wish I could hear him say it  aloud and lucid. My mom keeps things stuffed as well so I do come by it naturally I guess but it will be my downfall "IF" I do not address this issue. so many times I am totally unaware of my feelings and then when dawning comes I am not sure what to say or do about them. I guess a rational person would say a shrink- first is the cost second is dredging through all my "stuff" again would be a tsunami of sorts. I have donne it before and thoughts of repeating are not pleasant. At least I feel as I am acknowledging them.
     I have to make a dinner and deal with the decline of my daughters outing to deal with for now. take care all and may holidays be better.

     For pics of course. They just want to get some photos for the article and I am unsure of what things to be doing for the photos. They suggest doing something at home or with my girls. I can do work but something at home will be so much better I think and I can wear real clothing not a BLUE uniform( feel a bit SMURFY at work ya know. well gtg for now picked up an extra 8 hour shift tonight and need to relax a few before going in to work. Thanksgiving is over but I did snitch some not as bad as I would have in the past and I am okay with that!!!!

I recieved a call today and they asked me to interview for an article on the hospitals magazine regarding our Bariatric program. I cannot believe they want to talk to me ,but am even more amazed I said Yes. I was always the wall flower and avoided all attention due to fear of appearance and saying the wrong things. I have changed so much. I actually typed a whole lot more but deleted it and this is a retype and I am getting ready to sleep will fill ya'll in later as to the interview.
 Biggest fear now is the being stuck for 2 weeks at 170 , no wt loss and starting to fill hungry at times. I know partly due to low protein intake  but it will happen I need to remember this is normal . sleep tight all

   I am getting ready for another weekend at work and guess what?? I had to buy a size down in underwear as the others were starting to fit too loose and hang at what Bootie I have left. where oh where did it go?? I think it ran away with the twins upstairs as they are missing too!!! I will gladly trade these traitors away for the weight loss and geting off insulin and all the other meds. I do miss the idea of a chest to draw attention at times- I am afraid of attention so it seems and oxymoron comment to me.  well I fell there will be Plastics at some point. I had a breast reduction in my 30's since they were so large even when I was this size - what changed in 10 yrs time to make them go away so much more this time??? wish I knew.
     Well enough of my lament tonight. I need to go to bed as 0500 comes early. sleep tight

We did it and it was very special this afternoon to see the man's suprise ( when I have not seen him for 3 plus months) at how much I have changed. My 6 month appointment wil be next month. Dr Richard is the greatest man to make my dreams become a reality- off all meds and doing so much better!!!