I really did it I bought 2 swim suits and actually liked them. I paid way to much money I think but it was really paying for a nice fit and attractive not a slut fest or GRANNY suit. I am having trouble in my mind when I look in the mirror and seeing flws but am starting to realize all the negative thoughts that run around in my head are no longer bouncing off each other... saying that they are getting fewer and fewer. YIPEE. . I still think a breast lift or augmentation might be nice ( after a reductuion 10 yrs ago hahah) definetly a but lift or get off it and work out to firm the tushy.
    I am on my own pretty much this weekend and trying to figure things out. I wish the weather would clear so I can go do some outdoor activity. getting dressed is the first objective .

    I am losing it and the pounds is not the topic here...... I have a new pattern at work past couple month but it is really getting to me!!!! the sugars are better but 4 - 12 hour shifts in a row in a busy ER is driving me NUTS ( yes it didn't take far) you might say a crazier version of me . a correction for a mistake and I sit at Longhorns with a drink and end up crying about the Shi**y day and all the staffing BS I am wanting to leave behind. The timid, usually jolly ,quiet woman posting I want a new career and thinking a millionaire's plaything an option.... HOUSTON I have lost it. What do I do these emotions are not a thing I can escape from lately. I have gained back a couple pounds and fear that the worst!!!
    Need to exercise and get my BUTT firm and tight. All I want to do is escape my reality- Is this what the doctors voice a concern over depression after weight loss??? I have been off all meds and then one Blood pressure med was required again and the anti-depression med wants to pay a visit.... He(( No !!! Maybe sleep or lake of sleep is needed. Anyone ever heard of sleep etiquette? a friend was told hers was very poor... could this be a problem???
    Too many questions tonight and sleep beacons with a soft bed and no kids to wake me in the am.  so Good night from the Crazy woman... at least a skinnier Crazy woman than before!!!

     Well I am happy at the same time another daughter getting married in May. Finding the right kind of dress is the sad part. Evening Wedding and  not confident  as to what looks great anymore. Some of this is me being critical of my body- what do I do to stop this? I feel like an anorexic must with the mirror not telling the truth anymore. trying on clothing , undergarments or clothing makes me so nervous, for totally different reasons now then when I was really a  bigger size. I can't even imagine being naked.  I want to be Happy with myself. , to like myself and my body.
     I went to a food loss class about losing your best friend- nice class and the farewell letter was the best thing I think about the entire thing( it will be written in the entirety when I can figure it all out as to my thoughts) The classes by the group have really been a blessing to make me think of things and work toward goals. I am registered for the Dating after Bariatric surgery next month. Looking forward to this . I went out with a friend and now am a bit more confident- I had a 26yr male that thought I was cute . YIPEE!!! nice feeling and then was told there was 2 other older men asking as well. I got Groove I guess, but need to feel confident. Any suggestions??? I really never had a  big learning curve as I was married by 19 yrs and then had kids. a couple boyfriends only in my entire 44 yrs- such a sad experience huh??? well I am looking forward to learning MY wants and desires in the Dating life I will be experiencing sometime soon ( I hope).