The meeting was really informative. I learned a LOT about his surgery techniques, and was also shocked by how little some others seemed to know.

I did make an interesting observation. I tend to avoid eye-contact with people I don't know because I'm so afraid I will find judgement in their eyes. Well, I walked into this room full of people and managed to find a seat without looking at anyone. After I sat down, I realized - we are all in the same boat. Everyone here is fat. So I lifted my head and started looking around the room. It was amazing. In everyone else's eyes was the same fear of being judged.

It reinforced my desire to have this surgery. I want to be able to walk down the street and really look at people without being so afraid.

214 days till new insurance! I'm going to an info meeting at my surgeon's office this afternoon. I'm pretty excited. I have a list of questions to ask, I just don't know if it's appropriate to ask them at this general meeting. Anyway - here's the list:
1. How many surgeries have you performed?

2. How many of those have ended with complications/death?

3. What is the most common type of surgery you perform – band or RNY?

4. Are the majority of your RNY surgeries lap or open?

5. What criteria do you use to determine pouch size or bypass length?

6. Do you reinforce the stoma at all? With a silastic band or fascia latta?

Those are the questions I want to ask every surgeon I "audition". I figure I have lots of time to check out several surgeons and find the best fit. Can't wait for this meeting!

I'm a 'countdown' kind of girl. I love counting down to things. I know, as of today, I have 11 days until the end of teaching my summer class; 54 days until I go on vacation; and 99 days until the start of fall semester. I counted down the days until a cruise, the last 3 Harry Potter books and my 40th birthday. I just love days ticking down. I originally thought I would count down the days until potential surgery - well, that just won't cut it. So, I'm instead going to countdown to when I can switch insurance - which is January 1st, 2007. That is only 216 days away!! WAHOO!!

Now for some random stuff: I'm 40 (had a hard time with that birthday, but I'm over it now!), divorced, haven't dated in a looooong time (which is actually an OK thing), I teach at a university which I LOVE, I have tried quitting smoking about 20 times and still intend to quit, I love green apple martinis, I'm terrified of bees and horses, I'll try anything once - and have tried rattlesnake (thumbs down), aligator and rocky mountain oysters (both thumbs up), I love hard rock and country music, I am the craft QUEEN, I am the biggest nerdy Harry Potter fan ever (my office is decked out in HP - sad but true!), my favorite time of day is first cup of coffee in the morning, hot muggy weather pisses me off, I swear like a sailor, I once had a bug stuck in my ear, I disagree with this war that we are in but consider myself VERY patriotic, I think gays and lesbians should be able to legally marry, I try very hard not to judge people but don't always succeed, I am scared I will never be able to get insurance approval for this surgery, my least favorite chore is dusting, I'm still not brave enough to put my weight down in writing.

358 days till surgery! Below is a picture of my child with fur, Buffy. She's a 'rescue' dog, who really rescued me!

Waiting sucks.  I think it just hit me today that I have a hell of a long time to wait until I can even submit to my insurance for approval.  I think I'm beginning to understand why people just give up.  It is emotionally draining.  And I haven't even gotten into the 'thick' of it yet.  I know I need to be patient, and I am praying that God will help me settle down and just trust in His plan.  But I am human and I forget and I worry.  I need to see time passing, so I've decided I'm going to start a 'countdown'. I have no idea when I will actually have surgery, but my goal is to have it sometime next summer.  The earliest I could have it would be the week after spring semester ends.  The Monday after that is May 21st.  So that is what I will set my countdown for.  It will probably change, but it gives me something to shoot for!  So here goes:  I have 360 days till surgery.  There, now I feel better!