Almost time to start my new life! on February 27, 2012 8:57 pm
Okay, I'll be at the hospital in 5 1/2 hours! My house is pretty much in order. I buzzed around this house most of the past few days, but especially today. Vacuumed my room, straightened, cleared out some piles, cleared some things out of my son's room (he comes home from college for spring break on Friday w00t). Also did laundry. It's still spinning!
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Have my little bags packed (one is the hospital plastic bag, the other is an adorable extra-large cosmetic bag with a blue animal print =] that says FIRST CLASS ONLY! on the front). Not taking much.
The Hubs seems all ready to take over the reins. I know I'm going to be sleepy (meaning ASLEEP) when we leave home at 5 AM to get to the hospital at 5:30 AM. All I know is, 2/28 is now my new birth day!
So many thoughts have been going through my head today. A major one is that I'm leaving my father behind. He was horrible to me as a child (& adult). I'm the only one of my siblings (there are 5 of us) who looks like him & is heavy like he was. When I looked in the mirror, I saw him.
But no more. I forgive you, dad, I release all ties I have to you & to the victim you made me. I cut the cords of what you did to me when I was young; I won't let the hurt in my past define me ANY MORE.
Today I start my new life! The past is past. It does NOT define who I am TODAY. The future is unknown. I am living for this moment. That's the moment we live for: right now. It's in this present moment where I find peace.
Inspiration from a longtime friend! on February 23, 2012 7:38 pm
Today I got my hair cut & colored by my longtime hairdresser & friend, Elisa. She had RNY on 9/13/2007. She now moderates 2 RNY support groups.
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She gave me some great advice. She said it was vitally important that I follow my new eating program to the letter (protein first, supplements daily, don't stray). She said a huge part of being successful on the path (as she calls it) is mental health counseling in order that we deal with our "demons" that are still there even after the surgery. I'm so thankful that my prep for surgery included a mandatory appointment with a mental health professional (in my case, an LCSW). I now have a standing Wednesday appointment with her.
She also said she loves Unjury unflavored protein & that it is by far her favorite (& she's tried them all). I told her I was considering buying the Strawberry Sorbet. She cautioned me that the flavor is so intense after surgery I should order 2 of the sample-packet kits so I can try small amounts of the flavors before I buy a large container.
She also gave me 2 cartons (individual servings) of Muscle Milk, 1 chocolate & 1 vanilla. She said she really likes it & it has 20g of protein. She said, even after 4+ years, she is still "all about the protein."
She recommended the book Sugar Blues by William Dufty http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_Blues & the exceedingly well-researched books of Gary Taubes http://garytaubes.com/ .
I love Elisa. She's been my hair stylist since I was 29 (so a LONG time). Now she's helping me as I begin my new life on Tuesday, 2/28/2012 when I have my RNY surgery. I am blessed!
Winding down on food... on February 19, 2012 4:35 pm
It's a little over a week until my surgery. I am so ecstatic about my rebirth. Not many people have this kind of second chance at life. How lucky am I? I praise the Holy Trinity & the Blessed Mother for keeping me sane through the "challenge" I've gone through to be almost to the finish (or starting?) line.
I've been overweight almost my whole life (since I was about 6). I used to lay in bed & wish I could cut off my chubby belly. I would cry because I was treated differently than my 4 siblings (who didn't have a weight problem). I wasn't allowed to have dessert. If a child's not allowed to have dessert, she feels like she's being punished. Dessert is the holy grail of kiddom.
My mother stayed on me. She would say, "I don't know where to get your clothes, I guess Omar the Tentmaker." It was a nightmare. My father would tell me I'd never be anything because boys don't like fat girls. I cried in my bed so many nights I don't want to think about it anymore.
And here I am, a week from my new life. I'm so excited that the real GG will be visible to myself & everyone else. ME. A person with a huge heart, a bottomless reservoir of compassion, a great sense of humor... A person who has rays of sunshine coming from her almost every single day.
Now my exterior will match my interior. Thank you, adipose layer! Thank you for protecting me from whatever my conscious & subconscious minds perceived I needed to be protected from. I love you so much because you've always been there for me. Thank you for keeping me warm. I love you, accept you, embrace you... & now I let you go.
I don't need you anymore. You can let me fend for myself now. I am accessing other tools to help me deal with the good & bad realities of my life. I've gone through so much in my life, everything a human being could experience, I've experienced it. What is there for me to fear? Nothing. I've known all the pain a human can withstand. And here I am.
The biggest weapon I'll take up & not ever put down is courage. I'm a Leo, & my strength is my brave heart.
My cup overflows with happiness & gratitude that I will have a new birth day on 2/28/2012. Thank you, Universe!
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