ObesityHelp

I read Pam's Journey and decided to follow her lead.  Here's my first installment of 10 things that have changed for me:

1- I, too, can cross my legs and love it!
2- I don't feel so bloated (and stuffed into my clothes).
3- I don't think about food all day long (or stuff my face).
4- I stopped using my CPAP (and will get an official check on Sat).
5- I'm running out of clothes!  Pants are now 22 and shirts 18/20!
6- I've stopped jumping on my scale multiple times a day and am happy know that I'm headed in the right direction (and feeling better).
7- My cholesterol is good, and I haven't had chol med since surgery.
8- I can walk 1/2 hour on my treadmill.  Woo Hoo!!!
9- I've inspired my family to (try) eating better and smaller portions.
10- I'm not uncomfortable in my work chair anymore.  Yeah!

I'm feeling a bit down and out today.  Yesterday was so nice and sunny, and I was finally able to spend some time outside.  Today is a bit colder and darker, and I just want to crawl into bed.  Unfortunately, I have work to do.  I'm trying to make up for the 2 days I was out of work and in the hospital with my Dad.  He had his 6th heart surgery, and the prognosis isn't very bright.  He keeps having issues in this one area, and the doc said it's only a matter of time before he has major issues.  So, that is weighing a bit heavy on my mind.  That's one more reason I'm glad I'm taking the steps to a healthier me... dang sticky lipids and small veins run through my Dad's side of the family.  My Mom also had surgery.  She had a bladder 'pacemaker' installed.  Oh the things I have to look forward to!

On the lighter side, I bought a size 18/20 top (from Wal-Mart) yesterday, and it fits.  Woo hoo!  Eventhough the scale and been stuck, I can at least feel like I'm still moving in the right direction.

I got a letter from the GI doc.  I'm scheduled for my 3rd scope (and possible dilation) on April 16th.  I'm so sick of liquid/soft foods!  In some way, I think the soft food diet I'm on is contributing to my plateau.  I also think my medication may play a role in it, too.  So... I've stopped taking my (beginner does) lexapro.  And to push it a bit further, I've stopped taking my lopressor.  My heart rate has been in the 50s, lower than the 60-80 it should be.  My BP still runs high late in the date (probably from work stress), so I need to schedule an appointment with my PCP to discuss other options.  

My scale is reading 260 today.  Darn thing must be broke =}

I weighed in at 262.7 (a little less than the 265 I was expecting).  The dietician wants me to fall back on my eating plan and do the full liquid diet for a while.  She also wants me to up my calcium and protein...  all due to my having 2 dilations.  She's also concerned about me not taking the carafate and lectured me on the consequences of not taking it.  Basically, it is a bandaid to cover inflammation and ulceration while my body heals.  If I keep eating irritating foods, it won't heal, and the ulceration could bleed.  The nurse was very upbeat and told me I was right on target with my weight loss.  I go back in 3 months.

What can I say?  This has been a journey.  I've gone through a range of emotions (and clothes sizes =).  My family and friends have been extremely supportive, which I appreciate immensely.  

What have I learned?  I have learned that I still have food and body image issues, although there has been great improvement since surgery.  I have learned that it is difficult to get the whole family on board when it comes to changing eating habits.  We still buy minimal amounts of junk food, which I am pretty good at avoiding... especially because I don't want to dump.  We still need to up the amount of whole grains and veggies... the kids make this difficult when they refuse to eat new foods.  I have also learned that I can follow a semi-schedule most days, which is easier when I'm at work.  And I can get exercising again!

What have I lost?  I'll get my official Hurley weigh-in tomorrow, but unofficially, I've lost about 55 pounds.  I wish it was more.  I feel like I'm not loosing as quickly as I should.  I wonder if I'm not getting in enough calories and my body doesn't want to let the fat go... which I might know if I was better about journaling.  (I don't journal my food at all.)  

What do I eat?  Cereal for breakfast...  yogurt, beans or crackers and cheese for lunch... All Bran crackers for a snack or something similar... my protein and vitamins... meat and a small side for dinner (or cereal again).  I've been throwing up a couple of times since my second dilation, but I'm still trying to push myself into trying new/denser foods.  I've started eating a small salad, but that doesn't always stay done.

How do I feel?  Better.  However, I think my mind is seeing me smaller than reality, and reality hits me hard sometimes.  I was shopping over the weekend and sat down in the fitting room.  I looked in the mirror and was completely disgusted by what I saw!  Yet when I look at the mirror at home (while standing), I often think that I'm really on my way to a healthy body and that I don't look too bad.  I know I need to be patient and not compare myself with other RNYers, but it's difficult not to think I'm falling behind.

Current weight:  265