OK, here I am again.  The last 3 months I have gained another 8lbs!   I'm depressed and back on meds. I am now convinced this is the reason for my depression. I'm distgusted with myself for not being stronger to lose what I have gained.

I'm now going to make another appointment with the surgeon to further investigate my fistula and what can be done.  I won't lie, I'm scared of the operation and scared of regaining!

I did something today that I have never done in my 38 years of marriage............................No, nothing that would ever hurt my family. I spent $800 on myself dr something I have been wanting since High School.     PERMANENT HAIR REMOVAL!   Might not sound lie sucha a big deal to anyone, but to me it is huge. I have always had lots of unsightly facial hair that I had to deal with. I used either depilitories, razor,or plucking one by one  (ouch!)  I tried electrolosis, but it was too timely and was not working out as well as they thought it would. So I discontinued after about $600 worth of 20 minute treatments. What a big pain in the butt this ahs been my whole life, not to mention the embarrassment.

So, today I made an appointment and had a consultation with a vey reputable business, and to my amazement, I signed the contract and began treatment today! This was by far out of character for me because my husband and i have always discussed large purchases before we would make a final decision. Not because we wanted to get each other's permission, more so just a courtesy for one another. He's a great guy and has always made sure I had whatever I needed or wanted for that fact. 

As soon as he got home from work, we sat down for dinner and I began explaining what I had done for myself. He was very happy for me and never blinked an eye about it. He knows that this has always been a great conern of mine. I am sooo blessed to have a good man like Mike, my High School sweetheart. What a great Valentine gift.  Not the Laser hair removal..............the reminder that I have a great man and the gratification I felt when I signed that contract!

Oh, and I lost 2lbs!!

Met with my NUT last week. We went over my eating habits and set up an eating plan for 5 small "meals" a day, between 1200 and 1400 calories.  I have been trying very hard to get used to this schedule and keeping track of my calories. Hasn't been easy. But I have noticed that what I thought to be good porions, were way off track. I don't think I was getting nearly enough Protein and I have been eatng way too many carbs. Keeping track of everything helps me to realize my overages and shortages. Another good habit I am putting in place is weighing my food. I've only lost a pound or two, but I am happy to have stopped the steady rise in weight gain. Got to work on the head games I play on myself.