A Little was too much on March 8, 2009 2:59 pm
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I went in for my 6 week check and asked to have some fluid removed from my band. After talking with the nurse and Dr. Smolik we were in agreement that the stress of my granddaughter's tumor reoccurring has had an adverse effect on my band. Everything I was eating caused me pain - even yogurt. Dr. Smolik removed 1cc of fluid and that seems to have done the trick. I feel so much better. I still have pain if I don't chew enough but otherwise its all good. I did still lose 5 lbs. but I don't think that would last to much longer as I was leaning towards eating things that weren't so good for me. My old habits were creeping back in as I was seeking comfort.
Our granddaughter will be beginning her 3rd week of radiation therapy tomorrow. So far she is doing well. The doctors say that her throat will start to get soar this week and that her appetite will decrease since it will hurt to swallow. Right now she is stocking up on protein and carbs. She was here for dinner last night and ate a good helping of beef and noodles and wanted more noodles. I've suggested some protein supplements to my son and daughter-in-law so hopefully Miss Ava will not start losing weight. She's such a tiny thing already that I can't imagine she's got 2 lbs. to lose. The doctors will start her on steroids if she loses too much.
The week ahead will be busy at work and home so I'm hoping I can get on track and keep up the losing. I have been walking a lot more with my sister and I think that helps a bit with the stress.
Just a little one please on January 23, 2009 2:06 am
After that last fill I didn't expect to get much of one this time but I did get .25cc this time. Just enough to put a little squeeze on things. I thinks it's working pretty well since I couldn't eat much yesterday. I am noticing changes in the way I eat, mostly it's just slower and oh my do I chew, chew, chew. I have gotten "stuck" twice since my big fill (2cc) and it was no fun at all.
I guess I'm just a slow learner since I've read and read about chewing really well and did I follow the rule, no, I had to find out the hard the way.
I must say that I'm feeling really well. I'm walking more and we just bought a Wii and are having a ton of fun with that. We have been "bowling" with the neighbors and it's been a blast.
I've been buying new clothes and th old clothes are getting really baggy on me. I'm going to have to go through my closet and get rid of bunch of stuff. I even had to get new bras since the girls were really starting to point south. Had to throw out the old ones since the were no support at all. The girls feel so much better being up where they belong. One of my goals at the end of my weight loss is to get the girls tacked back up where they belong. I swear they will be to my waist by that time (they aren't far now)
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Dr. Smolik is the BOMB! on December 11, 2008 3:40 am
I went in for another fill yesterday expecting Dr. Smolik to say he'd add 1cc to my band but to my surprise he said let's add 2ccs. I was hoping he'd do that but I figured there was no way. I had talked with the nurse at our support group meeting and she found out that I could eat any and everything, steak, apples with peel, bread, oranges with the membrane - just everything. I think she must have convinced the doctor that I should have a bigger fill.
Dr. Smolik did warn me that 2cc was a lot and if I felt chest pressure when eating or couldn't swallow my own spit that I needed to get back in right away for an unfill. So far so good. I was concerned when I took my pills this morning that I might have some difficulty but it all seems good right now. YEAH!!
I'm hoping that the weight starts coming off a little faster now. As of yesterday I'm down 40 lbs. I'm not complaining about that I just want it to continue.
I, like everyone else, am extremely busy with holiday stuff. I have to just keep plugging away in order to get it all done.
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Listen on December 10, 2008 4:00 am
An OH friend sent this to me - I thought it was worth repeating.
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I found this on a BB on the website for the show "Ruby". It touched my heart because so much of it describes me, my thoughts, and my feelings ... so I thought I would share it with all of you ... God bless each and everyone of you!
LISTEN TO THE LIFE OF THE MORBIDLY OBESE
LISTEN to the embarrassment we encounter in our every day life. The name-calling, stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure battling the last acceptable form of discrimination. People we meet that give us a far wider berth than we need when passing us on the street, in the hall … in life. Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity might be contagious.
LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye the chair. Will we break it, or will we fit. Will we ever fit into life, as "normal" people know it?
LISTEN to our agony as we just walk and perform the simple activities of daily living on joints screaming in pain from an incredible burden they were never meant to carry.
LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a doctor for "allowing" ourselves to get so fat. Realizing even the doctor's office is not a "safe" place, we tend to neglect our health even more. Hey doctor, didn't you take an oath to help?
LISTEN to our hopelessness after being turned down over and over for a job or promotion because we don't "match the corporate image" of the person they envision for this position.
LISTEN to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we've cheated those we love out of the parent, spouse, child or friend we feel we should've been. Our embarrassment has now become theirs as well.
LISTEN to our anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS will be the one. This time I WILL SUCEED!
LISTEN to our frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of worthlessness, failure and defeat.
LISTEN to our fear for what life holds if we don't have surgery. We try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are brutally honest with ourselves, we realize an early death is an almost certainty.
LISTEN to our indecision as we do extensive research, trying to outweigh the risk of complications (up to and including death) versus the chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health, move without pain, play with our children, the opportunity to just "fit in" to society.
LISTEN to our indecision as we second-guess our decision to have surgery. As we ask ourselves, "Should I try just one more diet?" … And tell ourselves, "If I only had more willpower." Knowing that willpower isn’t the whole answer.
LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with our five-page, single-spaced, list of questions in hand. Let down by the medical profession in the past, can I really trust this person who looks at me with compassion, as he assures me I'm a "good candidate" and he can help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me I'm not setting myself up for failure once again.
LISTEN to our feelings of helplessness as we place our future in the hands of an insurance company. Fully aware that with a simple denial letter, all the work we have done to this point, may be pointless. This surgery is not without cost, physical, emotional and monetary.
LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited "approval letter" or obtain financing to make this dream a reality.
LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance at improved health, of moving with ease and just living life as a "normal" person.
LISTEN to our renewed hope of living long enough to see our children grow up, get married, play with grandchildren and grow old alongside our mate.
LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite. The sights, the smells, the needles, the faceless people behind the masks. Do you care? Do you understand, or will you too make cracks about my weight once I'm asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care of me. I have a brand new life ahead of me, and so much to live for.
LISTEN to the sigh of relief as we wake up in pain … but alive! Stand up, walk a few steps, cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say, I can handle it … because I'm alive!
LISTEN to our delight as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this is for real. We are actually on the losing side.
LISTEN to our misery as the body we once knew so well, now betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to eat.
LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something as simple as drinking a glass of water.
LISTEN to our panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that little voice inside tells us, "Once again I'm a failure."
LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we watch the numbers on the scale edge down once again. Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I will make it after all.
LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still morbidly obese.
LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck havoc with us. Why am I crying? Why do I feel depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones I love? I don't like this person that has taken over my emotions.
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time we walk a mile. It rivals the high of any runner completing their first marathon.
LISTEN to our depression when we realize we can no longer soothe our emotions with food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with these emotions.
LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of that brief but satisfying sensation of gratification we once obtained from the "comfort foods" we can no longer have.
LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the scale, vitamins, protein drinks and carb counts, determined not to fail "this time".
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden, high carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, "My new life is sweeter than any dessert."
LISTEN to our elation as we reach that "century mark" that once seemed so distant, but now is a reality.
LISTEN to our resolve to reach our goals. Moving the weight on the scale down another notch, reaching a new "century" of numbers, wearing the dream outfit and attaining our "goal" weight.
LISTEN to the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon for not only their technical skills, but equally important, their understanding and compassion for the morbidly obese. Thank you doctor for the opportunity to rejoin society and live a fulfilling life.
LISTEN to our amazement as we come to the realization that "reaching goal" wasn't the most important thing in life. It was the lessons we learned, the friends we made and the sense of accomplishment we gained along the way.
LISTEN, don't talk, don't give advice, don't judge, just listen. And then, maybe then, you will start to understand the life of a morbidly obese person.
I am getting a fill today so hopefully that will get me back on the band wagon!
Latest on December 8, 2008 3:32 am
When I went for my last fill apparently I only had 2cc in my band so I go another 2cc and went on my way. I haven't really noticed a lot of difference except that most meat goes down slower. I can eat most anything else (including pizza) without much difficulty. I do find that I'm getting full faster but it still seems like I'm eating quite a bit.
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I was holding between 290-292 until this last week and now I've dropped down to 287. I can't think that I've done anything different but hey I'll take it.
I did start tracking what I'm eating again and I noticed that I was going over the 1200 calorie mark so maybe that is what has helped me lose those 5 lbs. - being more conscious of what I'm eating.
I go for another fill on Wednesday and I'm hoping that this is the sweet spot. If not though, I'll just keep on plugging away.
I do wish I could exercise more. The arthritis in my knees has made it difficult even to walk. I can walk but I pay for it later. I'm going to have to come up with a better solution - something not so hard on the joints and that doesn't require a bathing suit. Let's be honest, I got rolls where there shouldn't be any and any pool would clear out immediately once seeing me. Hey, that might not be a bad idea; I'd have the pool all to myself.