Wow where do I begin...weight and body image has been a life long issue for  me. Since I was a very small child. I come from a Puerto Rican family who everyone knows Puerto Ricans celebrate everything with food...there is always a reason to have a party and eat. I am very proud of my heritage and my family but at the same time it has been part of my downfall...All my life I knew I had weight problems but the truth is what everyone saw on the outside isn't what I felt like on the inside...I still have days when I don't feel like I am truely as big as I look or am, but it's right there if I just look in the mirror. The struggles I have endured through out my life because of this demon have been nothing short of a blessing in disguise even though I have had times where I just wanted to die it has also helped me be the person I am today....It is so hard for people around you to truely understand what it's like because everyone has their own assumptions as to why I got this way or how is it even possible to let myself get this big...They think they know but they have no idea! The worset part is always being told how beautiful you are or what a pretty face but you know if you only lost weight...Then what I would be a better person, you might love me more, or it may change who I am. Well you know what maybe yeah I might have a little more cofidence or not be so depressed at times....but I am me inside and out not because of my size but because of who I am and what my creator made me...I am a loving, kind hearted person who looks for the good in all people and no matter what do my best never to judge because everyone in this life is facing some sort of struggle and who am I to say I am better than anyone in any way....The thing is no matter how much weight I loose or what I change on the outside what remains on the inside ecspecially the scars will always be there and nothing can change that...Now am  bitter because of that no not at all because for some reason it has allowed me to see things in a way many don't and has also allowed me to never judged a book by it's cover...because truth be told when I finally reach my goal...people are always going to find something to complain about and bottom line is you just can't make everyone happy and those who walk around constantly critizing others for whatever flaw they may have only do so because they are very insecure themselves no matter how put togther they are on the outside...True beauty sincerely comes from within and can be seen without the human eye...I have been fortunate enough in my life to have met some people who truely love me and accept me for who I am and have been able to see past the exterior and truely recognize the person with in...at the same time I have also endured many very painful situations and relationships including my 9 year marriage in which I have been rediculed, abused emotionally, verbally and even physically that sometimes I just don't know that even if I reach my goal I will ever heal from, but what I do know is that everything happens for a reason...and that yes we all make mistakes in our lives, make choices that we shouldn't and have things we wish we could have done differently...I am no stranger to that and nor do I excuse some of my behaviors at times because of it...all I can do is hope that with each passing day I become stronger and find a way to better myself inside and out so that if I do anything before I leave this earth is that I made a difference even if only in a small way or to one person....Life is entirely to short to live it with regrets or what could have beens...I can only move forward and continue to grow and hope that I can become a better person and enjoy the beauty of life...which isn't so much about being a certain size or what others think of me or the materials things I have but by the measures of how much love I have to give and the moments that take my breathe away...

I have endured a million trials in my life...ecspecially emtionally and with my weight loss journey and as I continue to do so I hope to find a way to express them on here and share them with everyone so that I can get through this journey I have ahead of me and maybe be of help to someone else...

I am very open and will share my story with anyone because I am proud of who I am...and truely look forward to meeting new people and making life long friendships....

My story is probably the same like many and I have probably endured the same as many who have weight problems do...everything from stares, and glares to people who use you because they think you have no self worth to my own self pitty and wallowing in my own sarrow instead of doing something about it. To  blaming anything and everything but myself as to why I got where I am today and trying to get away with living like this...but the bottom line is I have just like everyone else tried every diet and fad out there...I have tried the this is me and I will never be anything but fat...and I have finally also come to the realization that if I don't do something I will never see my two beautiful children grow up or really enjoy the small things in life...it is true that those who truely love you will accept you as you are but it also true that this will be the end of me if I don't do something about it...bottom line, and yes the healthiest of people also have suffered from unexplainable deaths and situations which  make us wonder what's the point but the point is that I have a choice and that choice is to live and enjoy every single second I have...

So even though this is the section where your supposed to explain how you got to where you got...Im pretty sure most of you know already I didn't do it because I chose to or am I going to find fault in anyone or anything to blame it on...I am 29 years old and have finally come to a point in my life where I truely have found it within myself to make a change...I have gone several times to begin the process for weight loss surgery among many other outlets and for one reason or another it wasn't my time...this is MY TIME and this time I will succeed no matter or how long it takes....Right now I am in a 12 week weight loss program called Opti Fast because the way the program for wieght loss surgery works herein my state  is you have to go through a seminar, consult with a surgeon, have a series of medical evaluations, and also participate in the weight loss program first and take life style classes before you can be scheduled for surgery...I am probably a little more than halfway there...somedays seem much longer than others and somedays I think I can take on the world but I just have to continue to remind myself that in the end it will be all worth it...thougth as we all know with weight loss surgery their is never an end...it is something we will have to live with the rest of our lives but it's worth every bit of it...