06/16/05 206lbs..
This is a slow week..but I feel so much smaller, so I can't really complain. It looks like next week I need to push the work outs a little more. I slacked last week because I am exhausted but really that is no excuse. I still worked out but not really anything major. I know I need to start adding more protein to my diet because as expected my hair is starting to fall out quite a bit. Thank the Lord I have a lot of it but I did have a total breakdown in the shower last night because it was just coming out like crazy.
Those are my physical updates...however emotionally my life is changing quite a bit. I'm really not clear on what is happening to me but I can tell you that as scary as it all is, I'm ready for the changes in my life. I'm not sure if it is my age (29) or my hormones or just that it is time for my life to change direction. To be honest I'm not really sure what changes are about to happen but I see that I have overcome some huge hurdles recently. It's almost like I'm finally letting myself indulge in the pleasures of life outside of food...any of you can relate to this I am sure. I need to learn to let my guard down and understand that everything I do doesn't have to be a reaction to my "self-preservation" mode of thinking. I hate that about myself because 99% of the time I am the MOST honest person..but there is that 1% of the time where I say exactly the opposite of what I mean just so I'm not vulnerable in a situation. I'm sure we all do it..but this is a quality in me that I don't like..so I plan to change it slowly..So from now on instead of saying things to protect me, so to speak, I will say nothing at all..I'm just not at the point where I can say exactly what is on my mind when it comes to certain things..
Okay well..that's a whole lot for one morning, lol..
Until next time..
Diana
6/24/05 203lbs
I forgot to weight myself this morning!! So this was an end of day weigh in, lol..not too bad.
I am praying that after next thursday I will be under 200lbs. I don't care if it is 199.5, lol..
I haven't seen 1 anything in years so I would probably just faint..I'm gonna have to do some extra working out this week :-)
Also I just wanted to say to all of you that do read my profiles...thanks for you words of encouragement.
There is someone whose email I lost..she asked me to be her angel and I don't know what her profile is on here AND like I said I lost the email..so if you are reading this..I'm sorry please write me again so we can talk about it.
Also some people from support group wrote me...thanks again for your emails :-)
Lastly I just wanted to point out that my head has not caught up with my body yet. I mean to be quite blunt, I saw a picture of myself from xmas and almost fell out of my chair when I saw how big I was...then I looked in the mirror and I just don't recognize who is looking back! I'm kinda in limbo if that makes any sense at all. I've also noticed that I'm way more comfortable with my body now then I ever was..even when I was thinner than I am now. Part of that may have to do with age and part of it may have to do with just being happier in general. I still have my hang ups..for example my chest..I hate it..others love it, lol..I really want them lifted..REALLY BAD..
Also I'm concerned about loose skin. So far its not too bad..and I've lost a lot of weight in a short amt of time..so I plan on giving my body time to respond to all these changes but I really don't want a tummy tuck..omg the pain I hear that is involved with that..oye!
And believe it or not..every week I think I'm going to step on the scale and gained weight..I'm in shock when I've lost..
Oh one last thing..I drank for the first time since surgery because my doctor said it was okay to have some wine. I had planned on waiting until october but I got the OK..
WHATEVER..I have never felt like that in my life, lol..
It was nice but it is true that it comes and goes very quickly..
I'm not a big drinker at all to begin with so I can see that a glass of wine here and there will be a nice treat..but NOTHING I have ever done or plan to do on a regular weekend basis...lol..
I'm dating a lot more which is nice :-)
Frustrating at times but nice. Other than that I have nothing more to report..I'm always exhausted lately so now I plan to sleep :-)
Let's all pray for 199.5 or better!! WOO HOO..
06/30/05 201 lbs..(200.5 actually)
Yeah okay so the powers that be just aren't letting me have my wish of 199.5. I'm bitter but I'll live, lol..
In all honesty I think I'm becoming a little depressed. I have a lot of personal issues going on and I'm just truly exhausted. I didn't work out at all last week..which is why I'm not 199, lol..My hair is falling out in clumps. Everywhere I go I meet someone who in one breath will tell me how good I look and in the next tell me how they know someone that had the surgery. That sentence is usually followed up with..and the loose skin..wow..what are you going to do..do you have loose skin?
WTF? I am annoyed by that because luckily at this moment the skin is minimal however I'm only a few months out. It will become more and I'll probably have to have more surgery. Sometimes..people suck. And completely unrelated to WLS..I just want to put it out there that I'm really tired of always being there for people and extending myself to others when I can hardly get another person to just give me 5 minutes of undivided attention when I need it. That's BS. Okay I'm done bitching..lol..
I'm going to make myself have a good day!!
Until next week..
07/07/05 FINALLY!!! 199lbs!!
I am soooo excited to see a number that doesn't start with a 2! My doctor told me that my weight loss was going to start slowing down and it has. However..I have not worked out in a little over 2 weeks :-(
My work schedule has been INSANE leaving me no time for anything. It also looks like I'm going to be traveling to
New Orleans
for 2 weeks on business. When I travel I work 14 straight days, 12 hour days..yup..I don't do it for my health..but I do it because the money is right. I know from experience working catastrophes that working out after work..isn't going to happen. (For those of you that don't know me..I work in insurance and a few times a year I'm sent on CAT assignments..)I am annoyed by this whole thing because not working out has really affected my mood and being stressed at work isn't making matters better. I'm also finding that I'm hungry a lot recently. My body seems to be craving protein like crazy. Some things fill me up in a few bits and others..not so much. I'm trying to listen to my body and still maintain control of my intake. It's actually much harder than I anticipated to be honest.
I'm still loosing hair... I'm lucky in many ways because I have so much hair to begin with. I called my doctor today and left a message for his recommendations on the hair loss issue. Everyone seems to have answers for me..all different of course. So I will just defer to the one that I think knows best..my surgeon, lol..
One cool thing did happen today. I was so excited about being under 200 that I told my friend about it. She said that she couldn't believe that I weighed as much as I did because it looked to her that I weighed at least 20-30lbs less than that..WOO HOO..I told her she never make it as one of those people at the carnival that guess your age and weight,lol..
Until next time..
07/14/05 197lbs..
I can't complain :-)
I am starting to feel hungry a lot more..which is okay I guess because I am still getting full very quickly. I'm starting to crave certain foods more often. Usually it is that I haven't gotten enough protien and I start craving things like steak or seafood. So I just make sure that is the next thing I eat.
I'm still loosing my hair but it's all good. I doubled up on my vitamin intake, starting taking biotin and upped the amt of protein I'm taking in by adding a supplement (Which I'm having a hard time fitting in!).
Well that's all I have for today..
Until next time..
07/21/05 193lbs.
I increased my protien by adding steak to my diet. I can't seem to get enough of it, lol. It has really made a difference in my energy level as well as my skin and hair. Still loosing the hair but not by much.
Yesterday I went to Outback and when I was about to order I explained to the girl that I only wanted a lobster tail and a small side salad because I've had surgery and I can't eat very much. She (a very small girl) says to me.."gastric bypass?...me too!"
WHAT? I could not believe my eyes. She was my height and weighed 120! She started out about 30lbs heavier than myself and is looking into plastics but w/o them she looks GREAT. We exchanged numbers because she wants to give me all her old clothes..yeah! Well I am just so excited to see someone around my age (she was younger than me) at goal already...Anyway it was inspiring.
Until next time..
7/28/05 192.5 I swear to goodness I really lost .5 lbs, lol..
AND I'LL TAKE IT! I have PMS and I am sooo freaking bloated. I did start working out again..not as much as I should be but I am. My energy levels have been much lower lately and emotionally I'm a little bit erratic. My job is really stressing me out to no end but I know that this is temporary..the stress not the job..that I plan to keep :-)
I feel like I look pretty good. I am in a size 16 pant and 14/16 top. I can still wear an 18 but it is starting to look way to big on me. I'm still single and I'm not sure if I love it or hate it. It is hard finding someone and then top that off with being a lesbian and then add a femine lesbian and it seems to get real complicated with my options...
Well such is life and I'm not the only one going through this. On another note..I seem to tolerate steak well. It has helped me get all my protein in. I seem to be snacking a lot more but on things like cheese and cashews, lol..my snack of choice! I will be really excited to get into the 180 range..I guess that technically that will put me at over 100lbs of weight loss but to be honest..I want to go 100lbs from my surgery date weight. That was 266lbs. So when I weigh 166..I will then consider myself part of the century club..
then I will want to loose 30 more pounds and that will be that!
Wish me luck!!
Ciao-
Diana
08/04/05 188.5lbs!
Why do I always weigh in at a .5? LOL.WOW..I can't believe I'm 180 something..
Well I have heard some people talk about www.fitday.com..
I actually purchased an offline version and I really like it much better. I am able to use that to help me determine if I am getting enough protein in my diet or not because for a while I don't think I was. Also today a girl at work told me that my hair was thinning out in front and I should use rogaine for women..After I took my foot right out of her ass..I explained it was a side affect from the surgery and my hair would grow back..NOW I'M REALLY SELF CONSCIOUS about this but life goes on..I have a lot of hair and it will come back and that's that!
Well I am hoping to reach the 170's by September...(i always like to have a goal)
Until next time..
08/11/05 187lbs
I totally forgot to update this last week but I have been keeping a seperate log of my weight so this is what I weighed last Thursday.
08/18/05 185lbs!
Well the weight loss is slowing but I can't complain. I'm very happy with the way I feel and the way I look. TODAY I'M ONLY OVERWEIGHT...per my new and improved BMI of under 30!! That makes me VERY HAPPY. I am still hoping to be in the 170's by September and maybe the 160's by October..I'm excited just thinking that this is even a possibility..
Well until next time :-)
08/25/2005 Holding steady at 185 lbs.
I was really surprised to see I hadn't lost any weight because my body feels smaller. Truth be told I have started slacking on the exercise again and I am going to have to get back on it!!
All else is well..I work in insurance and due to all the catrophes in the southern and gulf areas, I am being shipped away to help resolve some of those insurance nightmares. So well see...
Until next time.
0
9/08/05 I have no idea what I weigh!! I was around 182 last time I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago..
OKay I know I haven't updated in a few weeks but I'm currently in
Texas
helping out with the Hurricane Katrina claims for my company.
Soooo..I'm pretty sure I'm down some but I have no clue.
Until next week...
09/23/05 178lbs..
So it's been a slow loss period for me but I will never complain about that. I am amazed with how physically healthy I feel considering what my body has been through and what I used to feel like. I've recently had a chance to re-visit that "fat girl" inside of me and often I feel so sad for her...Her being me of course. It is, in fact, the fat I carried that protected me when I was scared. It allowed me to blame everything that happened to me on the fact that I was obese. Now that my layers of security are more than faded, it leaves me...my head, my brain, my logic to make decisions as excuses are no longer an option. My weight kept me from ever having to admit that on many levels I didn't feel that I was "good enough". I never had to admit it because I was never really given the opportunity to be so honest with the way I felt about myself. I could always rely on that "other" person doing it for me. I could always rely on the fact that someone else would make it clear to me that I wasn't good enough. I never thought I was ugly or disgusting however it was not rare for whoever I was with to hide me in public but love me in private. I never understood but at times I just accepted..no one wants to be seen with the fat girl. So how about now..when that is not the case and you have someone SO wonderful in front of you telling you that you are more than enough. Initially, that was the hardest thing I have had to digest since surgery...literally. So what have I learned...self sabotage apparently...it's almost like my reaction to "hey you're great" is yeah if I'm so great then I'll fuck up to make sure you change your mind about that and THEN I won't have to deal with the fear that if things don't pan out it will be because of who I am not what I look like. Clearly...NOT a conscious (sp?, lol..god for a girl that can write I sure can't spell..) decision on my part but hind-sight is 20/20. You know it is like being pulled out of a drunken stupor to stumble upon that shit. I'm an ass. Oh to learn the error of your ways...good for me I'm logical enough to have processed my actions for what they really were. I am now aware of how unhealthy my coping mechanisms were and pushing or attempting to push people away because of my own fear of failing as a person is unfounded.
So I need some humor in all this cause if you seriously have read this far..you probably need a good laugh...this is heavy (no pun intended). I really am rather blunt in my blogs because you as the reader should know..you're not alone and shit does happen and this is real. This surgery needs to be treated for what is really is..A LIFE altering tool. I did everything I could to prepare for the things I could anticipate...however if you don't recognize certain issues...you can't prepare..okay back to my ranting about life, lol...
The bottom line is when the layers of self loathing come off...you really are left to be completely nude...especially when you aren't ready for it. It's best to move forward and accept that in order to live life (the main reason we all have this procedure) you really can't have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow because then you are simply pissing today away. It's best to be yourself...your authentic self as that is what shines through the brightest of even the heaviest protective layers...
Until next time :-)
~~~~~~
What???? I had to log back on because all that and I forgot one of the best things about today...
TODAY..I made the decision to join a GYM...yeah I said it..I did it and now I've put in on the net, lol..SO that means not only can my real life friends hold me to going but now I have to update on how that is working out for me...so..yeah..good times..I'm going to the gym...it will be interesting to see at what rate my weight comes off after I introduce circut training as opposed to just my eliptical machine...which quite frankly hasn't been used half as much as before..so woo hoo..off to see the personal trainer and get myself in shape..
okay now I am REALLY going to bed.
09/29/05 180.5 (again with the .5!)
Okay so I am not going to pretend that the fact that my scale shows I have gained doesn't send me into a small panic attack..HOWEVER...realistically speaking...I really do look and feel smaller than I did last week. I am extremely bloated as my period just barely started and I have been working out more than previously. I'm not going to conisder this a true weight gain because I know my diet and excercise are on track. It really could be a combination of things. Not that I am making excuses but I'm also not about to let something like this knock me down. I am feeling really ill recently. I am home from work today because my stomach really hurts. DVR thinks it could be an ulcer so last week he gave me meds and it has not gotten any better. Today I am scheduled to go in for a CAT scan. I may have to have an upper GI scope done tomorrow. I've been taking some pain meds for that also and I know I'm retaining a lot of water. If next week I am up in weight or still the same as this week..then maybe I will need to re-evaluate what I'm doing. I am however very clear that my diet is in order and I have been working out. Another possiblity is..a plateau (sp? again I can't spell, lol)...I am about 7 months out so if memory serves me right this is where some get stuck. Either way...I feel good overall so really I know that I just need to keep up what I'm doing and my body will adjust when it is ready.
Okay I'm in a lot of pain so I'm gonna lay down. I might update again this week to keep a log of my "ulcer pain".
Until next time..
Diana
10/06/05 178lbs.
So I didn't weigh myself this morning but I had a dr's appt with DVR last night and that was my weight. Maybe in the morning with nothing in my belly I'm a pound or two less...either way..I'm not in the 180's which is making me feel better about last week.
Update on my stomach pain..last week I had a dr's appt with a GI specialist and tomorrow I am scheduled to have a scope done. They still think it is an ulcer but they will be sure tomorrow. Other than that, the pain is less frequent but at times just as strong. I do however feel better overall.
In general things are going well for me. I have been feeling a lot better now that things in my life are a little more stable. I have been getting in a lot of exercise so that is contributing to my good mood, lol...in other words I'm having a lot more sex..and I'm going to the gym, ahaha..okay maybe not the most appropriate thing to say but whatever...
This is my year...it really is. I have to say that this year is really the most important year of my life so far. It just really seems that when you are truly ready for good things to happen they do. My job, my friends, my family and my girlfriend all make me realize how blessed I am in so many ways.
Well until next time...
10/20/05 175.5lbs
Okay so I forgot to update last week but I have been pretty much at the same weight for at least a month now. It's okay because I pretty much expected to hit a plateau at some point. My ulcer is starting to heal which is a good thing and everything else is well.
Well that's about it for now...I have a lot more to say but another day is better suited for this.
Until next time...
11/10/05 172lbs
Everytime I still manage to loose a pound or two I'm completely shocked that I'm still loosing. Lately I have finally noticed a lot of changes with my body. My hip bones, my face, my stomach and last but not least my hormones, lol...
It's a whole lot and it's happening fast. The bottom line is- I don't regret one minute of it. Well until next time...
12/01/05 169lbs...
I feel really stuck even though I'm loosing. It just feels like it is coming off SOOO slowly. I knew this would happen and I also knew it would feel like this and I also know that I will continue to loose BUT WOW, LOL...I'm excited because Saturday our WLS group is having a holiday party. I can't wait to see everyone and their progress. Well that's about all for now. I should get to bed :-)
Until next time..
12/15/05 166lbs
Okay honestly I just spent an enormous amt. of time updating this last blog and it didn't take! So basically I don't have the energy to do it again..some things are hard, I'm loosing hair again and I am a little depressed. Lack of recognition all over the place, inside and out..lots of stress but overall I am healthy and doing well.
Here are some updated pics..Next time I hope it saves, lol...
Until next time...
12/31/05 165lbs.
Wow..so here it is..the final update for 2005! I'm not sure if I want to cry or let out a big sigh of relief. In many ways I think I'll probably do both before this year is over. Personally so much has changed for me in my life and I am proud to say that it is because of my efforts that these changes have happened. It is because of ME that I am healthy today, it is because of ME that I am alive today and it is because of ME that I have the support I need in order to succeed. This year I have lost over 100lbs., I turned 30, I fell in love, I have come to terms with many personal issues and each day that I have wanted to run screaming...I haven't. Life is really all about choices.
Things I am thankful for/Things I've learned in '05:
-The main thing I learned is by 30 you really should only buy bras that are already shaped like breasts because in case you haven't noticed...the boobs you once had no longer look like they used to. Thank GOD for bras that are shaped like boobs!! LOL...
- You can't fix your family!! NUFF SAID..
- You can't be prepared for everything. No matter how hard you try, life will throw you curve balls.
- It's okay to take leaps of faith and just put yourself out there. This is true with career, surgery, love, friendships...At some point you have to make things happen.
- Don't be afraid of your own voice. What you think, how you feel, what you want IS important enough to be heard. No one has the right to make you feel like you don't count...so don't make yourself feel that way.
- I am thankful for myself. LOL..Really I am. I am happy that I have turned out to be the strong woman I have always wanted to be. I am strong because I can admit when I can't be. I am strong because I can rely on others when I need to and I am strong because I am no longer afraid to fail.
- I am thankful for the people in my life. I am thankful for my family, my friends, my doctors and my partner. These relationships are not easy to maintain and I'm grateful for the support I'm given each and every day. I am only strong because the people in my life have allowed me to fail, learn and try again...To them I say thank you for allowing me the space I need to grow. I appreaciate each and every one of you!!
- Loosing weight is NOT EASY..surgery, no surgery...it doesn't matter. Wow, when I tell you that...damn..this is hard. Some days more than others for sure. However I would do it all over again...
-Well I have an incredible life story to date and everyone has a story...so the main thing I have learned this year is open yourself up to someone else's story...you'll be amazed about how much you can learn...even about yourself.
Happy New Year to EVERYONE!! Be safe, happy and healthy :-)
Until next time!!!! See you in '06
04/21/06 160-163lbs.
Well it has been a LONG time since I updated. I am not really loosing anymore or gaining. I flux between 159-165 and I'm not complaining. My doctor has told me he doesn't want me to loose anymore weight, I on the other hand would like to be at 145-150. I need to step it up on the working out and maybe change my diet some. I have been sooooo strict to my diet that it is possible I might have to add some carbs and see what happens. I had a little sweet potato casserole for the first time yesterday and I felt really full but it was sooooo good, lol. The sugar didn't seem to bother me but I think I had my first dumping syndrome type thing ever for the first time the other night. I ate some ribs but I noticed that these ribs were unusually sweet to me. About 1/2 later I thought I was going to DIE! I never want to go through that again but it is hard to tell what will make you ill. I've eaten ribs often in the last few months but I guess I should have trusted my gut "literally" when it tasted too sweet for me.
I've also noticed that my hormones are OUT OF WACK! I hate it. I'm seeing a new doctor to see if we can't get things under control. I plan to post some new pics later this week. I haven't weighed myself in a while and I stopped keeping a food journal sooooo....I need to start keepiing a food journal again, I need to get back to weighing myself every thursday and I need to be more consistent about working out. One thing I am doing right is taking my vitamins w/o fail.
Oh and on my 1 yr anniversary, I went into American Eagle and just started crying because I fit right into those pants!
Currently I'm a size 12 and L or XL on top. Some mediums depending on the cut. I went down 1/2 a shoe size, lol...and I'm still with my girlfriend who has loved me through all this. She's great because she will support my desire to try new foods and really unstands my anxiety about doing it. Well...I am really going to try and keep a better journal. I have to say it does help me. I'm also going to get my before and after pics up.
I'm sure I have a lot more to say but ciao for now...
Until next time...
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