I would have to say my journey started about a year and a half to two years ago when I first began looking into WLS. At that time I was very unsure of myself and making that kind of decison was not something I was ready for. So in between research and life it took me until now to make my decision to persue WLS. YAY!!!! 

8-2-06
I have my first consultation with the doctor on Saturday the 5th. I am getting kind of hyper about it. LOL I'm sure I am driving my parents and best friend crazy but they are kind and patient and listen to me ramble on. I have actually been surprised by the support I have been receiving from the friends and family I have chosen to tell. I have been learning alot just reading the many many profiles on here and I thank God I found this site. It has helped me make sense of me and it is so wonderful to know that I am not alone. Being trapped in this fat body all these years you feel like you are all alone and no one understands. I am excited at the prospect of being blessed enough to recieve this tool. I have prayed for help for so long and finally feel that my prayers are going to be answered.

I do have some concerns about my insurance company but any hurdles they throw at me I'll just keep pressing on until I get my pre-auth. From what I understand, on Saturday the doctor will hold his seminar for about 40 minutes then meets with each patient individually. From there I will go to his insurance person and the paperwork process begins. I just know I am going to be on pins and needles waiting for my letter.

Last time I was weighed was in January and that was around 309. I know I have gained weight since then because my clothes are getting tighter and tighter. So, until I get weighed on Saturday I am guessing I am around 330 now. I'll update after my appointment! Less would be wonderful! LOL Things started getting really bad in January. I could tell I was bigger than ever and it began getting harder and harder to find a comfortable positon to sleep in. Stairs have become the enemy and my back and knees are killing me. This sucks! Being 35 and feeling 90. I find myself shallow breathing and that scares me too. I work hard for a living and the thought of being too big and unhealthy to work is frightening. I'm single so I have no one to take care of me if I become worse off. I know having a desk job doesn't help but it's good money and I have been with the company for 8 years this September. I love what I do and the company is AWESOME!

OK Enough of the pity party LOL I try to stay pretty up beat....but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. Sorry! LOL OK that's enough for tonight. I'll update on Saturday or Sunday after my appointment! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Have a wonderful and happy day!

8-9-06
Well, alot has happened since I last posted. I went to my meet with the doc and I like him and his staff very much. They were very informed and made me feel comfortable, there were no stupid questions and just confirmed that I have made the right decision for me. I scheduled my pulm & sleep apnea clearance tests for the 30th of this month and Dr. Afram's office said they were sending my insurance paperwork to the insurance company on the 7th. They said that I would probally know something within two weeks.....TWO WEEKS!!! WOW! Pretty quick but if it takes longer, that's OK by me. At least I know it's in the works. Plus, I quit smoking on 8-4-06! WOOHOO!!!! Dr. Afram will not preform surgery on a smoker and I have wanted to quit anyways, this is just more insentive! LOL I have to be smoke-free 2 to 3 months before surgery. I don't have a problem with that at all!

On a very very sad note my granny had a stroke yesterday morning and they are not expecting her to live more than a week. There is massive internal bleeding, she is paralyzed on her left side, totally unaware and comotose. She lives in Ohio so this is difficult. My parents went to Ohio yesterday and are taking care of the hospice arrangements so its just a matter of time waiting for the phone call that she has passed away. I know she would be so proud of me for what I am going to be undertaking with the WLS, she has always wanted me to be healthy and thin. It hurts me to know that she won't be alive to see it though. She and I have always had a close relationship even though I live in Maryland and she in Ohio. OK, I'm getting teary-eyed and I'm at work so going to wrap it up for now....but will post more later. Have a wonderful and happy day!

8-15-06
Been a little while since I have posted.....alot has gone on. My granny died on Friday August 11, 2006 at 9:45 PM She was 95 years old and a big part of my heart. My brother and I drove to Ohio on Saturday, viewing was Sunday and we buried her on Monday. Was quick and was probally better that way but I wasn't ready for it and it hurts. I love my gran so much and even though at her age I knew it was just a matter of time I wish she could have lived long enough to see me after WLS. Every one keeps telling me she'll still see me and I understand that but it's not the same as her face in front of me, looking at me, hugging me and telling me she is proud of me. I know she is and I know she wanted this for me and I hold her close to me and my heart always. On a more positive note, I received a call from my doctor's office today, I HAVE BEEN APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know granny had something to do with that! My insurance company had my paperwork less than a week. I feel so blessed and so happy and so relieved. I have to call my surgeon's office tomorrow to schedule my actual surgery. OH MY GOODNESS!!! This is happening so fast! I am excited and will be bouncing off the walls once I have my actual date in hand. Of course part of me is a little scared but I think that is to be expected, isn't it? Will post more hopefully tomorrow. I'm trying to get some more sleep since it feels like I haven't slept in a hundred years. Have a wonderful and happy day!

8-28-06
Wow....been awhile since I have updated but I guess not too much going on. All of my preop appointments are scheduled and I am pretty much just counting down until October 3rd. OMG that is just a little over a month away....I am beginning to freak out about a few things but I am sure that is normal. I have my sleep apnea clearance test on the 30th also my pulmonary is the same day with the same doctor. I saw my internist and he gave me my script for my GI series and I can do my chest x-ray at the same time. One of the girls at work gave me the number and address of a place that takes people on Saturdays, I'm trying to do as much of this stuff as I can so as to not miss much work since I'll be out roughly two weeks after surgery. I'll be with this company 8 years in September and they have always been sooooooooooo good to me. I try to always be there and not cause any scheduling conflicts and try to be as dependible as possible. My boss is very supportive of my WLS and I appreciate that very very much from her. Actually since I am not keeping this a secret most everyone at work is being supportive. I have heard through the rumormill that a select few are being very catty behind my back but the way I look at it is I am doing this for ME not them and if anyone wants to make nasty remarks or comments about what I am doing to HELP myself they have serious issuses and I really feel sorry for them.

I have been thinking about some of the things I am wanting to do as the weight comes off and the list in my head is long. LOL The catty bitchy side of me wants to walk up to a select few people once I have reached my goal and just stand there as the song "How do you like me now?" by Toby Keith plays in the background LOL Hee hee hee OK so what? I can't be a little cynical and bitchy? I have always taken the high road all my life, turned the other cheek, etc. I was taught to win people over with my personality since I didn't have the body to back it up.....WHATEVER
OK so I am a little testy tonight...sorry but this is my personal space to write what I am feeling and I am feeling alot of shit running through my head right now. It is 1:49 in the morning and I have to get up for work in less than 6 hours and I can't sleep. WLS is running through my head, all my fears, thoughts, etc. I know this is what I want and I know what I need to do to accomplish my desired weight. I WANT to be healthy, happy and free of this weight bondage. I am so not an S&M girl LOL OK enough for tonight.....I need to TRY to get some sleep so I can continue winning people over with my sparkling personality :-) Will update after my appointment on the 30th.......OH boy I really really hope I don't have sleep apnea.....I want my clearance. OK Bye for now! Happy happy days are ahead!!! Have a wonderful and happy day!

8-29-06
Well, have my pulmonary and sleep apnea clearance tomorrow...things are just clicking along. Today it really hit me......34 days until I'm on the other side! OMG tears come to my eyes as I think about that. To know that Dr. Afram is going to give me a tool; a gift to start my life over. It took me so long to come to this decision and I know I have made the right one. I'm a little scared about my after-care but I think everything will be OK. Since I am single and all my friends are married I have to depend on my parents to help me out after surgery. I hate to do that, they work and have their own lives but I really have no other options. I share a house with someone but he's just a housemate. We have very seperate lives and really just see each other in passing most of the time. He's a funny older man, easy to live with and I am grateful for that but this is something personal and I need friends and family for. Ya know, I had finally come to peace about being 35 and single, never married and no kids but at times like this when one HAS to depend on someone else I get a little bitter LOL but it passes as quick as it comes. I guess I am just very thankful and grateful for my parents and the support they are giving me. I love you Mom and Dad!!!!!! :-)
I have to admit that over the last few weeks I have been enjoying food LOL sometimes a little too much enjoyment but I think that is to be expected. I am giving up something that has been my comfort for a very long time. I am ready to say good-bye but it's still a whole process one has to go through I think. One thing I am wondering about and may have to post on the board but about 10 days before I "come on" I crave sweets like no tomorrow....what is the best way to handle that? I know that taste changes post-op and that is a good thing but is PMS and cravings all in your head or is it an actual physical thing??? I think that is a good post topic so maybe post it this week....see what kinds of responses I get. Well, enough rambling for now....gonna go play some Pogo(game site I love) and then head to bed. Hopefully some good news tomorrow, I'll post more in the next day or two. Have a wonderful and happy day!

9-3-06
Well, Here it is....one month until my WLS! One month until I am on the losing side!!! WOOHOO!! My sleep apnea clearance and pulmonary went well. I have been cleared for both! YEAH! Wasn't too terrible. I think the worst parts of the whole experience was getting lost when I got off the Metro and went about 8 blocks out of my way(fat girl walking that much out of her way...not a pretty sight! LOL) and the drawing of blood from my artery to check my oxygen levels. My veins and arteries are funny. They show up when they want to and dissappear just as quickly...just like a dog of a man LOL...hey I know all men aren't that way! :-) It took two nurses and around 15 minutes of rooting around to find a good artery. All done and all good now! I have my appointment with my PCP on Tuesday. She is supposed to give me my papers for my bloodwork and give me a physical and Dr. Afram wants a letter of clearance from her also. I hope this goes just as smoothly as my last appointment. We'll see. My PCP is very thin and not sure what her take on WLS is. She could hold me up but I am hoping she doesn't. I've left this whole process in God's hands. OK, actually doing my best to leave it to Him but sometimes it's hard. All I can do is pray and hope for the best possible outcome.

I just spent the last two nights at my parents house. Our power went out on Friday afternoon at 4 and didn't come back on until today at 6:30 in the evening. I'm thankful I wasn't here to deal with it. I ironed out my post-op plans with my parents. I'm going to leave the hospital and stay with them until I am able to drive. I am hoping no longer than a week. I am so grateful and appreciative that they are helping me through this but I hate putting anyone out. A nice addition to my visit with my parents was my sister and her husband were there also. It was very enjoyable to spend time wth them both. I miss her so much but with her medical studies she is all over the place. Her husband is such a good guy and I enjoy talking with him. He and my sister both have an amazing relationship with God and one can see it easily. I wish I got to see them more. I would love to get closer to my sister and have more of a relationship with my brother-in-law also. Hopefully when she graduates and settles into residency it'll be close to home or closer so I can visit with them on a more regular basis. OK, off to Pogo again LOL better get in as much as I can now...from what I can tell post-op I won't be on line too much..be too busy having a life outside of my house!!! LOL :-) Will post more soon. Have a wonderful and happy day!

9-8-06
Wow, today is my 8 year anniversary at work. I love my job and love what I do. I have been very fortunate to work for such an awesome company. They are being very supportive of my WLS also. I have been thinking of what I want to accomplish post op and have decided to complie a list of sorts....so here goes!





1. I want to be able to walk as far and as long as I want without getting winded, shinsplints, red in the face, and hot and sweaty. DONE AND RUNNING TOO!

2. I want to be able to shop anywhere I want for bras and underwear. Stuff that is cute and frilly or sassy and sexy! DONE AND LOVING IT!!!

3. I want to ride every ride at Kings Dominion next year with my goddaughter and not have to worry if I will fit in the seat or not. WENT TO HERSHEY PARK WITH MY FAMILY AND IT WAS GREAT! NO ISSUES ON ANY RIDE AND DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO TURN SIDEWAYS TO GO THROUGH THE TURNSTILES!!! OMG WHAT A WOW MOMENT THAT WAS!!!

4. I want to walk into any grocery store and not feel everyone is judging me by every product I put into my cart. DO IT ALL THE TIME AND NEVER EVER FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE!

5. I want to look in the mirror naked and not cry. HMMM MOST OF THE TIME I DON'T LOL

6. I want to have a sex drive again. HEH HEH HEH

7. I want to find someone who loves me and not be too uncomfortable to be intimate with them. FOUND IT & HE'S A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND NO....NOT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HIM AT ALL!!!! I LOVE YOU BABE!!!!

8. I want to feel comfortable enough to begin meeting and dating men again. FAITH CHANGES EVERYTHING AND FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON HELPS TOO!!! I GOT VERY LUCKY ON BOTH COUNTS!

9. I want my mom to look at me and treat me the way she does my sister. MOM AND I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND SHOPPING WITH HER IS NOW A BLAST!!!!

10. I want to shop ANYWHERE I WANT. Not just the plus-size stores. LOVE SHOPPING NOW AND GO ANYWHERE I WANT!!!!!

11. I want to be a member of the Century Club. PROUD CARD MEMBER!!!

12. I want to submit before and after pictures to OH that show a major drastic difference. HAVE THE PICS BUT HAVEN'T SUBMITTED YET.....WHAT AM I WAITING FOR????? LOL

13. I want to be healthy and free of the pain in my body that the extra weight causes. THE ONLY PAIN I FEEL NOW IS WHEN I OVER-DO THE WORKOUTS LOL WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!!!

14. I want to spend my extra money on new, smaller clothes instead of food. SPEND VERY LITTLE ON FOOD AND VERY MUCH ON CLOTHES!!!!

15. I want to not sweat in places a woman should never ever sweat.....you ladies know where I am talking about! THIS SUMMER HAS BEEN SO AWESOME AND I DON'T SWEAT LIKE I USED TO!!! YAHOO!!!!

16. I want to be out and about doing things instead of staying home every night hiding from the world. I SPEND LESS TIME AT HOME AND MORE TIME OUT AND ABOUT AND LOVE IT!!!

17. I want to wear a size 10. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! I FLUX BETWEEN AN 8 AND A 10 DEPENDING ON THE CUT! MOST SHIRTS ARE MEDIUMS!

18. I want to weigh 150 pounds. YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

19. I want to be smaller than or just as small as my friends instead of always being the 'big girl' of the group. I AM NO LONGER THE 'BIG GIRL' OF THE GROUP!

20. I want to love me completely, inside and out...not just the inside. I LOVE ME, ALL OF ME...EVEN MY BAT WINGS!!!! LOL TOOK A LONG TIME BUT AS MY NEW FRIEND JEN SAYS...I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY!!! LOL

21. I want to go jogging with my sister...she has always been athletic but we have never done anything like that together ever. I AM JOGGING NOW BUT HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WITH MY SIS YET. SHE'S IN CT. SO IT'S A LITTLE DIFFICULT BUT ONE DAY WE WILL!

22. I want to go horseback riding again. WORKING ON DOING THAT THIS SUMMER OR EARLY FALL!

23. I want to be able to go to the laundrymat do my laundry and bring it home, carry it upstairs, put it all away and not have to sit down to rest. DO IT ALL THE TIME!

24. I want to be able to have the option to get pregnant IF that time ever comes. DUE TO OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES THAT HAS CHANGED BUT NOT DUE TO MY WEIGHT.

25. I want to live life and not look at it pass me by because I feel to fat to join in. NOTHING WILL PASS ME BY EVER AGAIN! :-)

26. I want to be comfortable in a bathing suit. I HAVE ZERO ISSUES GOING TO THE BEACH OR A POOL AND WALKING AROUND IN JUST A BATHING SUIT! THAT WAS A HUGE ONE FOR ME!!!!

27. I want to be an inspiration for others who are struggling with making the decision for WLS or not. I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT I AM AND THAT JUST WARMS MY HEART!

28. I want my seatbelt in my SUV to fit me comfortably and not feel like it is strangling me. NOT AN ISSUE AT ALL ANYMORE!

29. I want to be proud of myself. I AM VERY PROUD OF ME! GO ME!!!!!

30. I want to LIVE! LIVE! LIVE!!!!! Immortal words of Auntie Mame....if you haven't seen the movie....it's a must! :-) LIVING MY LIFE TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY AND LEARNING TO LIVE LIVE LIVE EVEN MORE EVERY DAY!!!!!

I know I have more but I thought this was a pretty good start! I can't believe that this time next month I will already be on the other side!!!! WOW that is just amazing to me. Things have been moving along so quickly and I thank God for everything. I have my chest x-ray and GI on Monday. I'm sure everything will be OK with that too. I keep praying and leave it in God's hands as much as I can. I still struggle with letting go and letting Him take over and be in the driver seat but I am making an effort. Will post more soon! Have a wonderful and happy day!




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9-11-06
Well I went to the radiology today and had my chest x-ray and my upper GI thing done. That barium(sp?) tastes nasty...BLAH Looks like a cross between glue and thick cream. They found a spot on my lower left side that was leaking the barium and she is going to talk to my PCP and surgeon about it. She thinks it might be an ulcer and could be an after effect from when I had accute pancretitis in 2001. I haven't felt any pain or anything so it could just be newly forming. Hopefully it doesn't delay my surgery. I have 22 more days and all my plans made for after-care, work, etc. so I hope it's nothing. Plus I am at the point I just want it DONE and over so I can be on the other side!!!!!! All I can do is pray and leave it in His hands. Have a wonderful and happy day!!!!
And NEVER FORGET 9/11.

9-17-06
Wow, been a little while since I last posted. I can't believe that in 15 days I will be on the losing side. This is amazing to me. I had a helluva weekend. Went out with friends Saturday night and danced and danced and danced. I thought at one point I was going to fall over and just pass out right there my knees were hurting so much but I was a good trooper and faked it through the pain as I have for so long. Then today I went to my parents and helped in their yard and cut the grass. Once again I thought I was going to pass out but just kept on. My parents would never understand, truely understand the pain my body feels right now from physical activity. My mother has always been thin and thinks everything can be solved with diet and exercise and my dad has never been where I am. They are supportive, which surprised me with my mom because she has very definate opinions about how a person becomes overweight and how they can fix it. She and I really don't discuss my weight much, it's too touchy a subject. Right now it is 11:43 at night, I have to get up early for work but because my body hurts so much I can't seem to get to sleep. I will be so happy when this is over and I can do things without pain. I have hid it for so long that it is even wierd for me to be actually being open about how my body hurts, how I really feel and what is really going on with me. This journey and this journal have been life-saving for me. I can be open about everything I am feeling and know that there are others out there who really and truly understand and feel or have felt how I feel. My dad did get me some New-Whey Liquid Protien vials. They are 2.9 oz. each and pack 25 grams of protein, zero carbs, zero fat and zero sugar. He got me blue raspberry and fruit punch. I am hoping I like them post-op. Will be trying one for the first time tomorrow. He also got me some sugar-free chocolate protien pudding. I'm going to try that tomorrow as well. I'm not buying much right now since I really don't know what my body is going to tolerate after. I've tried a few and I still have my Carnation Instant Breakfast drink(no sugar added) w/ some fruit mixed in every morning. Really like it but have come across quite a few people who can't tolerate it post-op. We shall see. Well, have a wonderful and happy day! I will post more after my appointments at Dr. Afram's office on Wednesday and my CT scan w/ contrast on Thursday. Dr. Afram wants to know exactly what that thing is that was leaking the barium before he goes in. Pray for me it's really nothing. I don't want to postpone my surgery. I have everything together for the 3rd.

9-22-06
Hi there! I just realized it is exactly three months until my 36th birthday today. WOOHOO!!! Hey, age is nothing but a number and since I am sooooooo close to the losing side I think 36 is going to be an AWESOME year for me. It's just getting closer and closer. I went to a support group last night at the Crofton Library. I got to finally meet Margie. She is such a sweetheart! It's nice to have someone local who is going through the same stuff so close together. All the ladies at the meeting were so nice and so inspiring that I feel I can accomplish anything. I was able to get some new insight, ask some questions and feel a little less anxious. Was a good night!

The day before I went to Dr. Afram's for my meetings with Dr. Afram, the nut, the personal trainer, and the psychologist...also attended a support group meeting there. Was a good day. I'm not crazy, I learned more about my eating plan for after, exercise plan for after and went over stuff with Dr. A. I had to re-schedule my CT scan for Monday because I wasn't comfortable missing any more time this week. It shouldn't take long but it is important I get it done ASAP. He just wants a 'road map' of what is going on on that side before going in. Sally also changed my surgery time. I don't have to be at the hospital until 8 AM now. Dr. A is just getting back from vacation so they don't want to rush him. I'm cool with that. I want him at his best!!!! I did get some Unjury samples and tried the chocolate with a small banana and skim milk this morning for breakfast. LOVED IT! I'm going to try the strawberry by itself tomorrow. It is really smooth, alot smoother than CIB so I think I'm going to save the other two for post-op and if I still like it I'm going to order some. Well, that's all I can think of at the moment. My mind is going a mile a minute and I want to review the paperwork I got from Dr. Afram's office. Have a wonderful and happy day!!!!!!!!