heathercross
June 2003
6-3-03 I need to get a control on my eating. Should be easier to do now that I am settled, unpacked and living and working in Philly and no longer living with my mom w/out my hubby and dog! Today has started out well. I ate all protein for breakfast and snacked on some unsalted almonds for a mid morning snack! Also already downed 1 qt of water (what is that,, like 32oz of water)...I walked to work (2.43 mi) and it took about 35-40 min. Nice brisk pace. Plan to walk home also. If I cannot get my butt to the gym at night, the 5 mile walk each day will be enough exercise itself. The gym will be an added bonus and available for rainy days (when I don't walk) or just don't feel like walking! Want to concentrate on the running. Also, want o hook up with a personal trainer and REALLY weight train. I will be 10 mos on the 15th, for the past 2 mos, I have lost and regained the same 4-5lbs. I also don't have a reliable scale, so, who the heck knows!
6-4-03 Wednesday, another rainy day, will the rain ever stop, will it ever be sunny again, where is the summer? I can't believe I am walking to work in this rain? Crazy, huh? Anyway, hubby picked me up after work today, went grocery shopping. It is amazing the different foods I put in my cart now than I did a year ago...No more trying to justify what I am eating to anyone else or myself. I have figured out that when I eat what I conceive to be
even when I curb my food intake. I am so FRUSTRATED! Went to Pennsport Gym tonight, right by the new apt. It is 24 hrs, seems ok. Going to join this week. Will go whenever I don't walk or when I feel really adventuresome!
6-5-03 WHEN WILL I EVER LOSE ANOTHER LB? I haven't lost anything since 5-10, that is almost a mos ago...right now, the scale is 196, 195, 197, 196, I do have my period, so who the heck knows. I am frustrated as hell! I did buy a pair of 14 Petite jeans from Ann Taylor and they fit well, so, who the heck knows. Maybe my scale is wrong. I HOPE!
6-6-03 Boy, am I tired, I walked to work, I walked home from work, hubby and I walked around the new neighborhood...then an hr later, after we came home, we walked again all the way down to Olde City looking for a place to eat. The restaurants are so crowded down here and everyone is so "dressed up". It feels so "fake" and "staged". I MISS NYC SO MUCH! I miss the laid back attitude, I had the staged "glam" of Philly. Who is Philly trying to be NYC? I don't think so!
6-7-03 Bored out of my mind with all this rain.
6-8-03 Weekend is almost over, need to take stock of what I want to accomplish this week. My period is just about over, so, I SHOULD (I HOPE & PRAY) lose a lb or 2. I will be 10 mos next Sunday...I want to be at 190 by Sunday. That’s a few Lbs, lets hope!
6-8-03 About the name of the AMOS magazine, everyone is entitled to their opinion as I am mine. I think people on this board take everything so seriously and most of them, while they have lost weight, haven’t lost any of the old issues and insecurities. What is the point of losing all the weight if you haven't solved the issues or even looked inside. What does it matter what the magazine is called? Why should someone care what their mailman thinks? Everyone knows you or me or someone else is fat, they have 2 eyes...They see me walking down the street, they see me at McD's, they see me super sizing, they see me walking sideways through the subway turnstile...Do they need a magazine to tell them also? YES! I think everyone needs to remember where they came from, they need to have it as a reminder. It all goes back to how MAD it makes me when people post "Lbs lost" "Lbs gone FOVEVER", who are they kidding, nothing is gone forever....YOU CAN REGAIN THE WEIGHT! I mean, seriously, Obesity Help, we all bookmark it on our computers, we all spend so much time on it that others in our life know about it. If you cannot tell people in your life that you have gone through this surgery, maybe you shouldn't have. What are people ashamed of? Losing weight is losing weight? Whether you do it this way, or thru WLS, what does it matter. Its more important to take control of your life and say, "yes, I will win, I wouldn't be beaten again" or "I will lose this weight, I will succeed"...That’s all I am saying. I am entitled to my opinions. When I said "grow up", I mean look at the title, does it really matter that much. Wouldn't you feel honored to get a magazine in the mail that is a product of what has made you successful. Are you the same people who bookmark this site on your computers and call it anything other than "Obesity Help"? At the same time, do you want the title to be so indifferent and vague that others out their looking for help and looking for the answer (that you all have gotten) to miss it? Just think about it for a second.
6-9-03 All Protein, NO CARBS...I heard from some people that
to jump start a plateau, you should eat drastically different one week to the next. With that said, I ate all protein today! No carbs. I also drank a protein shake for breakfast and walked to and from to work. I am hoping this works. My new size 14 pants where HUG on me by the end of day! Not sure why that is. Going to duplicate this eating pattern all week and see what happens. Also, Berta & Gabriela, YES I AM TAKING MY VITAMINS! I started again with the multi & B12 again today!
6-10-03 DAY 2 OF NO CARBS...Also, joined a gym today. My hubby & I relocated to Philly 2 wks ago and have felt kind of outa sorts w/out belonging to a gym and working out! Well, we joined a local joint and I worked out tonight. I only did 30 min on the recumbent bike (13.1 mi), however, when you add that to my 2.5 mi walk to work and 2.5 mi walk home, NOT BAD FOR A DAYS WORK! Also, Gabriela & Berta, you can stop nagging me, I STARTED TAKING MY MULTI-VITAMIN & B12's AGAIN! Now, if I can just add the calcium into the mix. Last question, anyone know a place where I way myself with a RELIABLE scale. I am going crazy. With all this walking and stuff, my scale hasn't moved downward in weeks. It fluctuates every morning, anywhere from 194, 198, 197, 195, it is never the same. It cannot be right.
I was told GNC has a good digital scale that is pretty accurate, apparently they charge 50cents. I am headed their tomorrow morning! Lastly, thanks to all those who emailed me saying they RESPECTED me for my opinion and voicing it re: the magazine. I have always been very outspoken and sometimes have been accused of "stirring the pot"...Put, controversy and causing one to think is what it is all about! Good Luck to all those having surgery this week.
6-11-03 (192) Finally worked, the WLS GODS have heard me...I dropped another 2 lb to 192....FINALLY since plateauing since May 5th, I am now down 113lbs since surgery on 8-15. I will be 10 mos on Sunday the 15th. I am hoping to be at 190 by Sunday! A feel like the "little red engine that could" I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can...As long as I take those Isopure Zero Carb Shakes in the AM and NO CARBS!
6-12-03 Has anyone else read Carnie's new book "I'm still Hungry?"...Well, I am NOT much of a Carnie fan, however, she has a chapter called "Friendly Food Facts for You", and #3 was so funny, that I had to share it with you all. Now, post-ops will read this right away and LAUGH OUT LOUD! Pre-ops will be like, ew, that’s gross...But, pre-ops, HEED MY WORDS, IT IS SOOOOOOO TRUE. #3 Friendly Food Facts by Carnie "On a Incredibly foul note, you might not think that a big poop makes a difference, BUT IT DOES. Enough said. I can't believe I wrote that, but, we all know its true. Weighing yourself after I take a poop counts because, unlike my underwear (she previously talked in 32 about how a pair of Victoria Secret Underwear only weighs like 2 oz, so taking them off prior to weighing yourself means nothing) I have no idea how much certain waste material weighs, and my food scale is not getting involved. Okay, I'm done" TOO FUNNY, CAN'T YA ALL RELATE, BEEN THERE...DONE THAT!
6-12-03 (191 HOORAY!) The walking, Isopure & protein diet is WORKING! Was out for dinner last night with my mom & hubby, Jones' in Philly...Had an AWESOME Curry Chicken Salad with Apples, Grapes & Walnuts. Two things hit me yesterday...(#1) The Humidity. I walk to work. One year ago, at 305lbs, I would died walking 2.5 miles to work, and, if I had made it, I would have been soaking wet with sweat. (#2) While I was walking out of the restaurant, I saw this very overweight woman in a booth. She was literally in her food b/c she couldn't fir comfortably in the booth. She was eating some dessert (and it was on her shirt. Last summer, I AVOIDED booths at all costs, additionally, I ruined EVERY shirt I owned b/c my food would land on my top. I always said it was due to my 46D boobs, however, in retrospect, it was b/c I ate like a pig, way too fast and was perched over the table. God, what a difference a year makes!
6-13-03 To address MY COMMENTS about the woman in the restaurant...Not that I need to defend myself or my comments, but, I am going to say this once and for all b/c all these emails are driving me nuts (about some of them positive and negative). I AM ENTITLED TO MY OPINION as anyone else is there. One observation I wanted to make to those of you (except Jo Ann Laporte b/c we had a nice, friendly meeting of the minds), all of you who have criticized me, walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me. You are so quick to throw criticism at me and call me "a fat pig" a "B^&*H with an Attitude" or someone who "is self righteous" or my favorite "someone who only lurks on here and posts to make herself feel superior"...You can all BITE ME! I checked out everyone of your profiles and 90% of you haven't even posted diddly squat! No profiling, no journaling, no picture...What are you afraid of? I put my location, my email, my full name, MY PICTURE and all my feelings on my profile. I have been an Angel to 3 people (2 in NYC and 1 in CT) and I have emailed numerous people for support and guidance. When I meet with my nutritionist, I shared all the pages of info with some 3 dozen of you (for FREE)! I made copies and mailed it all out! Also, I sent out clothes on the clothing exchange 3 TIMES (never asked for a dime except postage - which I never got except form a select few) and I go to Support Groups (in NYC and Philly).
So, before you comment on me and tell me I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I HAVE BEEN, I DO! I remember it all so well. It has cost me jobs, relationships, friendships, boyfriends, and most importantly TIME. I wish I had done this sooner. I am not sorry for feeling this way. Every person at some time in their life needs to BE ACCOUNBTABLE for who they are. You cannot blame anyone for your mistakes once you are an adult. Being an adult means BEING ACCOUNTABLE! If you are an alcoholic, do something about it. STOP DRINKING. If you are in an abusive relationship, GET OUT OF IT. Seek a shelter or guidance. If you eat too much, STOP, look into something to make yourself healthy. If you smoke, QUIT, it will kill you eventually (and shorten your life). I will be 10 mos out this Sunday. 10 mos ago, I weighed 305lbs. On 9-11, I barely could walk home from the WTC area b/c I was fat, tired, exhausted and scared. I never wanted to feel that way again in be trapped and scare in my own body. It takes everything in me to NOT go up to someone who is obese and say "have you ever thought about WLS?"...I don't b/c if someone did to this to me pre-op, I would have either slapped them or told them off. But, I want to. I want to tell them they are killing themselves as I was a year ago and for the last 10 yrs of my life. I want to tell them that they need to wake up and do something about their lives before they miss out on any more of it. 9-11 was a wake up call for me. After surviving that day in NYC, I decided to make some changes in my life. A few mos after, I made an appointment w/ Dr Leitman that soon changed my life. I cancelled the appt 2X and finally went in April of 2002. That day in April was the day I said "its all about me and only me". Thank you.
6-14-03 (191) Went to my first Philly Support Group @ Univ of Penn Hospital today w/ Dr Noel Williams. What a lively bunch. It is sooooo different from Lenox Hill. I guess mainly b/c of the age group and the sex. Mostly everyone @ Lenox Hill is Female and Younger. U of P is older and about 30% male. At Lenox, there are like 2 guys, maybe 3. One similarity, however, is the mix of post & pre-ops, pretty much the same. One thing that totally SUCKED is that they CHARGE YOU MONEY FOR SUPPORT GROUP?!?! Can you believe that? I was blown away. It is only $5, but, get over yourself. That is insane. What I especially liked was that at the beginning of the meeting, you introduce yourselves to someone, kind of like at an AA mtg but instead of saying "I’m an alcoholic" its all good and you tell your weight loss, etc. Its nice. The only thing that bothers me is all the side conversation that goes on...Too much individual conversations, it is hard to hear the people and the Nutrionist. Not too sure how qualified she is, she doesn't offer an support/follow-up care, just pre-op consults. What was totally inspiring is that I met a lady there that has lost 185 Lbs and she is now a size 6 and she just did her triathlon (sp?)...She offered to help get me motivated and run on a regular basis.
6-15-03 (190!!!) 10 mos today! WOW! I hit my little mini goal made last week to hit 190 by Sunday. Well, I did, so, that means I lost 4 Lbs this week. I haven't had a 4lb loss in a week SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN. Well, I went to a BBQ @ friend, Amy's place last night. Well, there were a lot of people there that I hadn't seen in FOREVER and I felt good. This time last year, I would have felt REALY uncomfortable at a BBQ. I would have felt fat, warm (b/c of the humidity) and full (b/c I would have had 3-4 platefuls). I had glass of wine (
6-17-03 Just finished Carnie's book. Although I CANNOT STAND CARNIE
6-18-03 I ate a Choc milkshake from Hagen Daz last night and I got sooooo sick. I didn't dump, but, I felt so nasty that for 45 min after I finished, I tried to make myself sick. This was my form of dumping! I worshipped the porcelain God!
6-19-03 Went to Support Group in NYC last night. So glad I went. Instead of the typical Roslin lead (its all about me-fest), Nicole Segal, my Nutrionist, lead the meeting. It was wonderful. I had a lot of questions answered that I was wondering about and I made an appt with Nicole to start our monthly consults again. If I am going to get these last 40lbs off, I need to eat right. But, before I change my eating habits all together, I went out to Blue Moon with 5 other gals, including my WLS Idol, Paula M. If you have never checked out Paula M's profile you should as she is MY IDOL! Has lost 160 some Lbs in less than a yr.! WOW! Well, me, Joyce, Wendy, Berta and Gab had some great Mexican food, great conversation and a few pitchers of Sangria (no comments from the Peanut Gallery)!
6-20-03 Hired a personal trainer @ my local gym. Mtg with him on Monday night @ 6pm. Lets hope he can get me re-motivated and tone my bod.
6-21-03 Went to
6-22-03 I was someone's profile today and I read about "setting little goals/rewards for yourself". My newest one is to be at 175 by my 1 yr. aniv on 8-15. I initially wanted to be at 150, but, that AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So, I am at 190, and that’s 15lbs in less than 2 mos, would be doable and then the remaining 25 Lbs by New Yrs Eve. If I get to 175 by 8-15, I am getting myself this mesh silver bracelet from Tiffany, its $300, but I am worth it. My hubby got me the ring and the earrings at xmas, only problem the size 9 ring no longer fits any fingers, so, I guess I will have to get myself the ring too. LOL! And, if I make the 150, well, I am going to do a MAJOR shopping spree, I have $1000 banked for when I hit goal. I will be coming back to NYC to do the shopping.
6-23-03 While I was walking to work today in my sleeveless Black tank with my sweater tied around my waist, I was checking myself out in the reflection of the blds, and you know what? I almost didn't recognize myself. Now, even though I still have some 15-40 Lbs to go to reach a respectable (in my eyes') weight, I looked REALLY good. All things considered. It was the first time I saw myself in this light and said "you know, you'd don't look half bad". So, I picked up my step and keep walking to work and singing along with the tunes on my mp3 player.
6-24-03 Well, I have decided I do not need a personal trainer. Why should I spend $45 a pop to work with some goon at my gym. I have already paid the yearly membership and the gym has wonderful "personal trainer-like" classes anyway. Plus, for me, in order to hire a trainer, that trainer must be one of the following (1) Majorly motivating or (2) HOT AS HELL! And, the guy I initially went to , Rob, was neither. He was scary to look at and had a session with him was like "watching paint dry", NO PERSONALITY! SO, I have decided to keep walking to work everyday (even in this oppressive heat) and then 3 days a week, take a class.
6-25-03 Tonight, the hubby & I took "Strength Training & Toning" w/ Stacy! It was hard. It was Hot and I sweated and worked my butt off. I am SOOOOOOO sore this am. Class is 60 minutes of weight & resistance training designed to focus on toning specific muscle groups. We used resistance bands, bars, free weights and I WAS EXHAUSTED! But, I kept up and did the whole class. Talked to Stacy afterwards, told her about my WLS and the loss and she said, I was right, I don't need a trainer, and she showed me some other classes to take that will build muscle mass, tone my body and help me lose inches. She said will all my walking (5 mi @ 5 days, 25 mi/wk), I don't need anymore cardio. So, I am also going to take different classes 3-4 days a week: Strength Training & Toning, Yoga, Water Aerobics, On the Ball & Weight Training & Abs.
